Public display of affection and danger?

[East]

It doesn't settle how to eliminate letting societal thoughts bother you but at least there is a cause.

Train yourself not to see yourself as a reflection through someone else's eyes.

I promise it will work eventually but you have to do it across the board to have it be effective though it is just a suggestion...I am sure that there are many paths to the same destination.

The first step...start with what you DO have control over which is yourself and how to send and process information....start by forcing yourself not to judge anyone else...no "cute" or "ugly" judgements...none at all. Don't objectify anyone...basically when you objectify someone they cease to be an individual and likewise when someone judges you for being gay they are objectifying you...dehumanizing you....not seeing the individual that you are. If you find yourself making judgements about someone based on their race, color, appearance, weight, age, sex...stop yourself.

Alot of times what we hate or makes us uncomfortable outside of ourselves is a reflection of something inside of ourselves we dislike or maybe are not in touch with. (think homophobes...they are a stellar example of this but we all have a bit of it to some degree) You will find your problem diminished by half if you practice this.

I practiced this for 20 years working in gay nightclubs and if there is any harder place to accomplish this I would like to know what it is I don't think anyone ever really achieves perfection so it is always a work in progress....

[Gaydude3]

I think eventually I won't care what people think but I'll still worry if they spit in my food or kick my ass after.

[azulai]

I think your fear and concerns are real. This is the world we live in.

When I first started dating my bf we would take these quiet walks and they are some of my most treasured memories. But, I was very afraid of someone telling us something and ruining the moment even though we go to school in a liberal city. So, we'd walk side-by-side and occasionally lean into each other's shoulder. lol.

Then as things progressed one of the reasons we started experimenting with cooking was so we could share a meal at his place and not have me feel uncomfortable about holding hands or a quick kiss.

If we went anywhere, we still were like two best buds. lol.

When my birthday came around, I'd had a stressful week, major presentation and I didn't want to go out, I just wanted to sleep. But, my bf was waiting for me after my last class that day with a rose and a big smile. Well, I didn't see anyone but him that day in that moment and that hug we shared was pretty obvious. :tongue:

So, I think it is just another part of accepting ourselves and freeing ourselves. We still do not want to fall victim to someone's hate, so we do stay very aware of where we are but I'm no longer uncomfortable with simple and innocent displays in front of family or our close friends. I'm still not ready holding hands in public "public" but on campus we have. So, baby steps. :biggrin:

I don't know if any of this helps at all, but I think you'll have your own experiences and they'll shape you and you'll be surprised at yourself how far you've come.

[Gaydude3]

I think your fear and concerns are real. This is the world we live in.

When I first started dating my bf we would take these quiet walks and they are some of my most treasured memories. But, I was very afraid of someone telling us something and ruining the moment even though we go to school in a liberal city. So, we'd walk side-by-side and occasionally lean into each other's shoulder. lol.

Then as things progressed one of the reasons we started experimenting with cooking was so we could share a meal at his place and not have me feel uncomfortable about holding hands or a quick kiss.

If we went anywhere, we still were like two best buds. lol.

When my birthday came around, I'd had a stressful week, major presentation and I didn't want to go out, I just wanted to sleep. But, my bf was waiting for me after my last class that day with a rose and a big smile. Well, I didn't see anyone but him that day in that moment and that hug we shared was pretty obvious. :tongue:

So, I think it is just another part of accepting ourselves and freeing ourselves. We still do not want to fall victim to someone's hate, so we do stay very aware of where we are but I'm no longer uncomfortable with simple and innocent displays in front of family or our close friends. I'm still not ready holding hands in public "public" but on campus we have. So, baby steps. :biggrin:

I don't know if any of this helps at all, but I think you'll have your own experiences and they'll shape you and you'll be surprised at yourself how far you've come.

That's really beautiful and you brought.a tear to my eye. I can relate because with my ex we would engage in PDA ABD I had no concerns because I only saw him and somehow the rest of the world disappeared or didn't matter.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

It doesn't settle how to eliminate letting societal thoughts bother you but at least there is a cause.

I fear there may be no real answer to how to eliminate it.

Identifying the cause of a thing usually tends to make it easier to deal with a thing. When those feelings hit when you are out in public, you can consciously remind yourself that you are reacting to societies expectations which will relief some of those feelings.

Breaking our programming often requires us 'reprogramming' - that 62,400 repetitions makes one truth can work either way. Thus 62,4001 repetitions of 'Its OK to be gay' thought in your head will undo a lot of the damage.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I think eventually I won't care what people think but I'll still worry if they spit in my food or kick my ass after.

I regret to inform that this is a valid concern since that sort of thing really does happen.

[OrphanPip]

I've never really had issues with PDA like hugging or kissing. But holding hands makes me feel like a 6 year old lol.

Anyway, azulai is right that it's something that comfort with yourself comes gradually and it is also true that you should be aware of your surroundings and not put yourself at risk to make a point.