need help understanding my feeling towards the subject

[dlboy53]

As some of you know I have been out for almost a year now and I not sure if any of you remember me saying that this year I wanted to come out to my best friend and church despite their beliefs. Well I know some of you said don't rush it they don't need to know if i'm not ready and if it going to be more of a loss then a gain.

recently it has been eating at me to get this all off my chest, I mean its like this gut feeling that is telling me to get it over with so I can truly move on or something. I'm just not sure if its going to be better for them to hear it from me or someday down the road they see me doing something that is gay related or even to the point that I get married or do a commitment ceremony with my partner some time in the future.

Some of you have been very helpful in getting information to combat the gay bashing vs in the bible so i know I have the ammo in that department

So to the ones that have had their experiences of coming out when did you know its time to tell? was it a gut feeling or and o well lets get it done type thing and what happens happens.

Is it better to hold on to those relationships for as long as possible even if there might be a chance that the will discover your secrete by accident?

Thank again all

Peace out
Lee

[Rainbowmum]

Hi dlboy
Just letting you know that I am here for you.

The guys should be here soon.mile:

[East]

So to the ones that have had their experiences of coming out when did you know its time to tell? was it a gut feeling or and o well lets get it done type thing and what happens happens.

I don't have much of a filter...I usually hear things I say the same time as everyone else. Thinking about what I want to say is such a chore for me...I don't know how most people do it:biggrin: I didn't know I was gonna tell my parents I was gay until I heard myself telling them...which was maybe five minutes after I decided I was gay....so I am probably not the best example BUT...

...if you feel it is important to you and you have a driving force to do it...I think you should do it sooner than later. I would absolutely defer to my gut feelings..for better or worse.

[minhthien94]

I understand how u feel. when comes to religious, it is too much pressure.

before u come out w your best friend and the church, u should create friendship with whom accept who u r so if the church and your friends don't accept u, u still have someone who understand u.

Best of luck

[James]

I was at a gay friends house talking to a vet who was gay and my friend came out to the porch and I said "guess I got to get a bigger closet", he was astonished, he didn't know till then, so sometimes it's just time to do it. But I did have fall back points, Jim

[pellaz]

as far as your best friend, i know he she will want the best for you.


it may be harsh but the none accepting will never accept you. I aim this at your church. i cant understand how you continue to attend this church knowing what you do. You need to clean this up and go on.

[dlboy53]

As far as building new friends I think i'm on the right track with that when I started to hang out at the square dance group which consisted of several people including a drag queen and a couple of other people that are about my age. So tonight was dance lessons and afterward sat down and talk to the two that are starting to be friends with. We talk about this issue a bit and one says he understand what I'm feeling about the church situation, and he is right it is hard to let go of a whole community of people that you have build a relationship with. He did tell me that I am doing the right thing but preparing myself with ammo to fight back, even though it will probably not change their minds which I knew as well. So I think I'm going to prepare a bit more and then sit down with each and hope for the best.

[dlboy53]

Oh I do know there is the option to stay quiet, but it hurts me more to keep a secret and live a lie. so I think its time to really free myself and explore a whole new world out there where I'm not hiding.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Um, that information about the bible is not ammo. Its actually meant to give people who are seeking answers real answers, to show them that the bible is being used as a weapon.

Trust me, once you go down the road of the circular logic of arguing with a 'christian' it falls apart soon. Few (if any) who are hardhearted to not have love in their heart to begin with will not click a link or even read/listen what you say. They are quick to accuse of being Satan - 'tricking' them. Its a no win situation to argue the bible. I've tilted at that windmill for decades. Score to date: Windmill: 5,389 | Me: 1

It took be six months of serious thought. I also spent a lot of time writing letters back and forth with Brother Jim.

I reached the point where I pared it down to its simplest bits. Its not really a matter of if I'm gay or not (I knew I was) it was a matter of if I wanted to live a lie for people who potentially couldn't accept me as me.

Once I decided that I was willing to lose everyone, let them go if they didn't like it, then I was ready to tell them.

Yes a few took it 'badly' - yes we severed ties and never spoke after. Yes I didn't speak to my mother for about four years, Yes my father rejected me. There were those who stuck with me, even a few that went 'Your gay and????' It was such a none-issue to them.

I reached a point where I didn't care (much) if these people up and vanished for life.

I cared more about being true to myself and having the honor and self respect to own who and what I am. I couldn't stay in a closet, I couldn't a life of telling lie after lie after lie to appease people who would despise me and hate me if I was myself. That is an untenable situation.

Its not 'I'm gay but' Its 'I'm gay'. Its a take it or leave it situation.

If they don't like you because you love men, that is on them. And honestly, you don't want anything to do with them.

For all of the so called friends and family I lost when I came out of the closet, I gained a much larger crowd of loving people, many of who I consider closer and more reliable than my own family.

[spencer]

I'm not sure if this is a great idea but I'm wondering if you could find a local gay church and perhaps speak with the preacher about what to do in regards to your church and it may also give you a place to fall back on if your church no longer accepts you. At least the idea's thrown out there.