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04-26-2012, 12:38 AM

Hey I know this is long but I could really use some help here...

Okay I should first say that I am very new to the whole gay thing and I'm still trying to learn the rules.. so hopefully one of you can explain this to me. So here's the deal, I met this guy online basically just for a nsa hookup, I felt like we clicked and so we had like 3 or 4 repeat sessions in quick succession, just as sort of a strictly fuck buddy thing. Then one night I texted him late at night looking to hookup, he said he was too tired for that but I was welcome to come over and cuddle. Not gonna lie, I was kinda falling for the guy secretly so I came over and we cuddled all night. Now, prior to this I'd only cuddled with someone once before and it felt rather meaningless to me. But it didn't seem that way with this guy... like there was finger crossing, stroking, legs interlocking... ect. And then in the morning we had sex. But then once I got this crazy idea in my head that he was into me, he basically cut me out. After that night I haven't seen him again. He started making up excuses for why he couldn't hook up as we had been before. So basically I quite talking to him and I just tried to put it past me. But I NEED to know for future reference sake... IS THIS NORMAL BEHAVIOR? Like do gay guys cuddle like that just for the sake of sport? That seems oddly passionate to do with someone you don't have feelings for. Or am I wrong? I'd REALLY like to know what you think.

04-26-2012, 01:20 AM

We are each a sum of our total experiences up to this very minute...and that makes each of us a unique individual because besides having our own set of unique experiences....we each process everything in our own unique way...

...so despite everything people will tell you about what that means.,...you can never know. It is hard enough to know ourselves and alot of people have no clue why they do the things they do.

So...if you are trying to figure out "why"..it is probably impossible.... each person is different. I have only cuddled with one man my whole life...my man who I have been with for 26 years. If anyone else tried to cuddle with me before him...my skin started to crawl...courtesy of my own unique experiences...it had NOTHING to do with them. Wink

'That is what I really think...it might not be a definitive answer but hopefully it will give you a bit of perspective.

One more thing...A favorite movie of mine I relate to ALOT is Crimes of Passion with Kathleen Turner...

...and this is one of my favorite scenes...he wanted to get close to her...she didn't want it....

Bobby Grady: You remind me of this hamster I had when I was a kid.

China: [Somewhat offended] I remind you of a *hamster*?

Bobby Grady: Yep. He ran away whenever you tried to touch him. So I wanted to show him there was nothing to be afraid of. So one day I just picked him up real fast and I just held him.

China: [Sarcastically] And he turned tender and loving...

Bobby Grady: Nope. He shit in my hand. :biggrin:

I just love that scene and that dialogue.

04-26-2012, 01:28 AM

he just got used to you being around, felt comfortable with you too.

not a lot of information here but was he seeing someone or in town on business? Maybe he is busy with school, work and dosnt want the distraction.

04-26-2012, 02:37 AM

East, I really liked your perspective. I think your right in the fact that everyone is different so there's no way to really know what was going on in his head. I guess I'm just curious as to if this kind of behavior is common or not. And btw the hamster thing was pretty damn funny... that's exactly how I felt!! What a great reference.

And pellaz, I thought that at first too so I gave him a lot of slack. But at a certain point it became obvious that he was dodging me.

ceez · 04-26-2012, 04:08 AM

maybe he hasn't fully accepted himself yet and started to freak out because he was starting to catch feelings for another guy. either way online hookups are not always a good source for relationships.

04-26-2012, 06:00 AM

East is right we can neverknow.

But this is one possibility. He entered into a fuck buddy/"friends with benefits" relationship with you because he was afraid of being hurt or was paranoid that he'd get hur,t have his heartbroken or both. He could be one of those people who find cuddling more intimate than sex. Therefor when he started falling for you or saw that you were falling for him (which now involved cuddling too), he got scared of getting hurt and pulled away.

There are many other possibilities.

04-26-2012, 08:06 AM

If you really like the guy and he will not respond to you verbally then write him a letter stating how you feel. then drop it off at his place. Then you have placed the ball in his court to respond, if he doesn't respond then you know it is done and you can move on.

04-26-2012, 08:45 AM

I love to cuddle but I know that for some people it means nothing

04-26-2012, 10:58 AM

I dunno, some people make things mean something, others do things that don't mean anything. If you want to express something in that way, feel free to. I mean, I can give cake to someone I like to tell them that I love them, someone else can give cake to someone because they just wanted to share or something. I dunno. Just depends i guess. And there is nothing different from what gay people do and what straight people do or what whoever does whatever for whatever reason. Just because I prefer men doesnt mean that I do things differently than guys who like girls. Last time I checked we're all still humans.

04-26-2012, 04:23 PM

I side with Person66 on this.

Most guys who are into the casual hook-up thing are there for reasons they don't want to talk about.

Many are indeed 'broken toys' having been played with roughly by an ex-lover and they have thrown in the towel on the notion of relationship(s), thus when things go from casual sex to something more meaningful they are going to run away from it not wanting to enter into another potentially dangerous place.

This sounds to me like you and he had the casual sex going on, then in a moment of weakness he allowed you to get closer, and now suddenly he wants out afraid of the potentials of a relationship.

You most likely will not find a guy interested in a long term committed relationship through a mere sex-hook-up place/site/app whatever. Most in that situation are dedicated to the casual sex for one reason or another and are comfortable with that.

Sure it can happen, but there are no guarantees.