Tell me about it

[jaxc]

I never really even thought about sex until around puberty(11-13)and when i did hit, i would always get equally excited at the thought of both a man and a women. But before that the only indications i can think of are playing with dolls with my sister( granted i would always pretend they were exploding or something:biggrin, like zet said, i never wanted to share the same shower with anyone and even before puberty i was always playing around with my, "cough cough" my "buttocks. And there's the story to my life.

[mrk2010]

Hello,
Well i guess its aunties turn to tell...

Ok I first realised i was a little different around the age of 9/10... I lost my virginity at 10 years old in the most bizarre way ever.. I was out walking the dog and every day i would walk her round the park and then walk to the field behind where i lived and walk her round there and one day I was minding my own business walking her round the park when i was approached by another lad who was older than me and from a different school in the area and he decided to talk to me as i walked the dog and walked over the field with me and whilst i was just chatting away like a typical 10 year old he randomly asked me if he could see how big i was... I was like WTF!!???!!! But me being me i replied im 5ft i think or nearly 5ft (yes aunty was a bit of a thick shit as a kid) and he said No i wanna see how big you are under there and I asked him why... He told me he was curious so without really acknowleding what i was doing I showed him and before i knew it he had shoved it in his gob and I was like what the hell?

For a few years after that I didnt even contimplate looking at another guy or anything and turned really nasty towards other guys at school.. I resented myself for ages and resented them as i was unsure about myself... Towards the end of secondary school well year 10 i was sitting in my science lesson next to my friend Stuart who i didnt know was bisexual and i felt a finger run across the top of my arse and me being me sitting at the back of the classroom just figured it was an insect and could be a psychological feeling (like watching a horror with killer ants and feeling them all over you). Well it turned from behind me to the pair of us just flirting with hand gestures in science.... (trust me science became boring very easy with a teacher of 110 years old or looking it) and ended up back at my house in the attic always same excuse (his come round to borrow a computer game from school...) Well the attic had its uses..

At 17 i passed my driving test and a month or two later i lost my job so to look for work i turned to something i dont recommend but i wouldnt condone either... I decided to take up Escorting.... Not the dinner party type but the wank for £30 type.. It took absolutely ages for me to find another job and I knew as much as i didnt wanna go meet some 70 year old bloke to shake hands for £70 if i wanted my car to run its gotta be done... I continued this game until i was 19 when i decided to have one good bash to end it and just spent a night raking in the cash like a celebration of ending as i found a job... I do miss that much freedom to be honest but i dont miss the hectic shedule and wont eve4r go back to it again..... Unless my mortgage was in arrears then id do it to protect my home...

kindest regards

Zeon

p.s My mother has admitted she knew what was going on when i said "his come to look at my games" she told me i should have just told her his come for a shag bit difficult when your 14 15... Im glad though my mum has let all her kids just grow up unique in their own waysd without moddie coddling

No matter how much debt I was in I'd rather die than sell meself.

[Sylph]

Well....

I am the eldest boy of 4, and have two younger sisters as well.

All of them are technically my half-siblings[my dad's kids], but I consider them my full-blooded siblings and they're all my babies :biggrin: .

I didn't have to "realize" I was gay or anything, it's just been apart of me since forever. I've been feminine forever, even in kindergarden at our little "graduation" ceremony, I didn't want to wear a suit and walk with a girl [we walked in pairs-boy & girl]. I have a feminine voice, feminine "mind-set", feminine body type[non-muscular], heck I even play a traditionally feminine instrument[Viola]...

I grew up normally, well normal for alot of black families unfortunately, single mom, bills/debt/etc and we didn't always live in great neighborhoods. Even during this time I was feminine. But I met my best friend in one of these "not so great" neighborhoods and we were basically twins up until we were 14[I met him at 4/he was 5]. He probably would've been "The One" had we not split up, so yeah...

I played "boy" games, loved video games, still kinda do, I wanted to play football[Soccer] but I wasn't any good and didn't like to get hot and sweaty, still don't. I even liked a girl next door to me[in the same bad neighborhood I met my old best friend in] and we used to have sleepovers, but all we ever did was play dress-up and do dolls hair. That's when I knew I wasn't the same as other boys, because I was about 9/10 at this time and knew that boys didn't play with dolls and do dolls hair, but it just felt normal for me to do that. She was also very pretty and all the guys liked her, but she only wanted to play with me.

I met another boy, same neighborhood, who was a year under me, 2 years under my old best friend, who tried to "steal" me away I guess, from my old best friend. He never wanted to play with just the both of us, only me, so when my old BF had to stay inside or went somewhere with his parents, I'd hang out with the new boy.

I'm not sure wether or not he liked me, even though I didn't like him as much as I liked my BF, but he always had his hands around my shoulders and stuff.

I knew what sex was by 11/12, so I always looked at things differently. My Mom always said I was too smart for my age, but that's what also got me out of alot of trouble. We[the new boy] used to go onto other people's properties and mess stuff up, until one day I saw the no one liked was home, cause I saw him peeping through the window and I warned my new friend just in time, because the man came running out trying to grab him. His face was severely disfigured, by I'm guessing a fire? Back then I didn't know, but knew that's why no one liked him.

All of the things I've done, I've always been the "girl" , because I never acted like a "boy". My Best friend probably realized this, because he always tried to protect me and stick-up for me.

I was also teased because I was a little "pretty boy" even at 5/6! The men in my neighborhood would make fun of my uncle[he was my male role model], because I looked like my mom and their sons looked like them and acted like them, but I was and still am like my mom.

So I never really had a coming to terms with my sexuality, as I never really thought about, nor do I now think about sex, but kind of just fell into place.

It's probably like growing up as a girl, just minus all the side-effects[period/breasts/etc]. I just knew I liked boys. I like girls in more of a gal-pal way, trading gossip and what not :biggrin: .

So I never really "realized" anything, cause it kinda just fell into place.
~
Also, I think my gaydar may be going off, with regards to my younger brother.

I think my brother[the one right under me-he's 15now], might've had or maybe still has a slight attraction to other guys, because he and his little friends used to have sleepovers all the time and used to sleep together in the same bed... even at 13/14.

He's a very "masculine" man's man, or so he keeps preaching to me, but I think he may like other guys alittle. He even tried to cuddle/spoon with me once, which at the time I thought was weird, but we didn't start seriously hanging out until he was 9/10, so I just thought he might've gotten attached to his "big bro" .

He grew and is growing up in the church and says he denounces gays and what not, but he has me as a brother... whom he enthusiatically idolises.

If I'm right he's probably really confused with himself, but I'll let him come to me if he needs to, because he hates when people talk at him, rather than to him.

[princealbertofb]

Wow, Pix what did that first girl friend of yours die of? That sounds so young to die. An accident?

[Karel]

Hi, interesting stories, everyone.

Apparently i kissed a guy at kindergarten when i was 4, but i have absolutely no recollection of that. :o

I started realizing i was gay when i was about 18. Haven't had any crushes on either boys or girls and celebrities even less so, so it took me a while to find out that i was more interested in guys. The few times i have had sex before my current relationship i actually preferred it with women, because the men seemed to be so terribly bad at it.
For a time i wondered if i was simply incapable of feeling emotional attachment that goes beyond friendship, but one day i just met the right guy, fell in love almost instantly and now we have been together in a happy relationship for two years. Still not entirely sure if i'm gay or bisexual or whatever, but then it's not like it really matters.

[Pix]

No matter how much debt I was in I'd rather die than sell meself.

I hear you, but such conviction is a luxury many in a desperate sitch can't afford, and you might change your mind yourself after you go 3-4 days without eating, very little sleep, and a lot of fear with no end in sight, just as so many do before they agree to turn some tricks to pay for food and a relatively safe place to sleep. As a girl you'd also have to worry about being too weak and vulnerable so that it's all too easy to be enslaved by a pimp which leads to a life far worse than freelancing as an escort/prostitute, though boys only rarely have to worry about things like that.

I managed to evade any significant prostitution when I was a runaway (I started to try for a krew but I chickened out as the man I was supposed to go with was way too scary & creepy but luckily they had other criminal operations that I was allowed to participate in which my small size was useful for) but even then I did things that I felt terrible doing just to survive like eating out of the trash or stealing (btw, I've had easy opportunities to steal since then but it often didn't even occur to me as a posibility until after and then there was no regret, so I'm not a thief, but desperate times call for desperate measures and I've learned to add "survival" to the traditional "good/evil" moral compass).

Pix what did that first girl friend of yours die of?

We were runaways and she was kidnapped by a pimp (same one who sent 2 men to forcibly kidnap me but I resisted long enough for my krew to chase them off). As one girl who escaped his stable told me they "break you in" first which was a hellish and extremely depressing experience to share so I'll just share the part that killed her: she was forced on hard drugs (to better control her once they put her on the streets and to prevent anyone from sympathizing with her as most would assume she got on the drugs first rather than her pimp forcing her on the drugs) and as happens from time to time they gave her too much and she died. Her body was found under an overpass where many junkies hung out and sometimes died and she was officially reported on as having died of an OD she gave herself.

It was not a pleasant time for me.

Btw, the school girls who lied about 2 girls having sex in a shower that my friend had joined in on tormenting (obviously before we were runaways) were the same cheerleaders who tried bullying me as well and "accused" me and my best friend of the previous school year of having been lesbian lovers. I didn't care about that or that it was true, and oddly I didn't care that they mocked my dead friend (I don't think they knew she was dead and I never told them) I just hated them for their petty tyranny. And having survived months on the streets, including having fought for my life against adult men, I wasn't about to be intimidated by sheltered suburban high school girls and so I beat the crap out of her, which led to her jock boyfriend knocking the crap out of me, and experience I've shared elsewhere. I made those girls who loved to terrorize other girls fear me, and perhaps the best part was when me and an ABC (Adaptive Behavior Class which I was put in after I came back from being a runaway) girl pretended to kiss when they asked her if she was my girlfriend (in trying to make me alone as they did other victims of theirs), and that freaked them out and they never bothered us again (if I'd already beat one of them up then what might I and my "girlfriend" together do, and what might we do to them once we had them helpless? ). I don't know if I believe in life after death and if there's any awareness of loved ones for the deceased, but if so, I wonder what she thought of my standing up to them like that rather than following their lead as she did...and in having no shame that she and I had once been lovers.

[Pix]

I even liked a girl next door to me[in the same bad neighborhood I met my old best friend in] and we used to have sleepovers, but all we ever did was play dress-up and do dolls hair.

Heh, that reminds me when I got shunned by the neighborhood girls and forced to play with the boys when I was home (I still mixed with girls in school & elsewhere). We mostly played boys games of course, and I don't doubt it strongly encouraged my tomboyish ways, but one day I was just so sick of it and managed to talk a boy (I think about age 9) into playing dress up with me. We both put on feminine clothes, borrowed his mother's heels, and used makeup. Then we went to eagerly show off to his parents on how pretty we made ourselves. We both realized something was wrong pretty fast as they were pretty freaked seeing their son in a dress, mother's heels, and wearing makeup. I was quickly kicked out and he wasn't allowed to talk to me for at least a year (he did, he just had to be sneaky about it) and he got in so much trouble over that.

It sounds as though you have a much better & more understanding family, which I'm glad to hear. mile:

[Sylph]

It sounds as though you have a much better & more understanding family, which I'm glad to hear. mile:

Yeah, my mom raised me to be very open and individualistic.

It's only my generation and maybe a few years before it, since change has really taken place here.

If you were gay, you were mentally sick and had to be "cured" , if you were a boy you were expected to follow your fathers trade and take his name[usually only firstborn sons], if you were a girl you had to marry a man with a job and were not allowed much else.

Not to mention all the holla-baloo about blacks and whites and segregation vs. intergration.

So yes, compared to maybe 40-60years ago, I have a pretty understanding family, even though many here are still pretty "old-fashioned" .

It didn't help being born Bi-racial, but my mom took her upbringings and made it better for me mile: .

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I lacked interest in sex until about age 20. I didn't have a childhood crush. Strike this up to being shipped back and forth between my parents, thus having no interest in making friends let alone 'falling in love'.

I dated a few girls in high school because it was expected not because I was interested. The girls picked me and I went with it. We never did the sex thing, but then I was in high school in Kentucky where "nice girls" didn't do that sort of thing 25+ years ago. Granted we were not all puritanical, but there was still a lot of expectations back.

I may have had some interest in the boys - some - not enough to give me that 'eureka moment' where I can clearly say 'Yes I was a gay boy in school'.

I did love my best friend back in those year. But it wasn't a crush kind of love nor a lover type love.

There were certain expectations of me by my parents. When I was 12 my first 'gay experience' was my older brother coming out o the closet (he was 16 at the time) and my mother hit the roof and after a bit of shouting and things flying he was kicked out. I didn't fully understand what was wrong - but it was clear that 'faggotry' (my mother's word) was strictly forbidden.

If there was a gay boy in me, that experience most likely drove it way into the closet. I was deep in the closet until 23-24 when I met my first lover and came face to face with desires I didn't know I had.

I was so far in the closet I assumed that my lack of interest in girls meant I was naturally celibate. This worked well with my then desire to be a man of the Church (minister/priest) and set me on a path that would have put me in a friary where vows of poverty, obedience and celibacy would have been taken.

As a kid I was more interested in other things like books than boys or girls. I hated school functions/dances and social situations - I found them to be useless wastes of time.

It has been suggested that I am on the asperger side of things in that I lack certain social 'graces' and loath small talk and the like. Since this wasn't being diagnosed back when I was in school, it is possible that this lead to my isolating myself from potential crushes and of course not opening the door to more social activities that would lead to sexual interest and love interests.