Just SO FREAKING TIRED OF IT ALL!

[mrk2010]

I knew the US was a bit backward in some states regarding gays but that's just ridiculous, nobody over here really gives a fuck, we have LGBT societies at our universities too.

[BeautifulBlue]

I don't envy your living situation, Beaux (and don't thank me for being concerned--it's all good.)

Have you and your husband considered possibly moving out of South Carolina, or maybe into a more progressive area? I know that's a lot to ask, but it sounds like your area (and community) is basically organizing a witch hunt against not only you, but gay people in general.

I wish there was something more I could say or do. I'm thankful to live in a very progressive area. I can't imagine going through what the two of you are.

[East]

I am so sorry you have to go through this Beaux. The first thing I would suggest to you is to remember who and what you are dealing with and remember you are infinitely better than they are. If you are not certain that you are infinitely better than they are just take my word for it because I AM sure of it.

If you can find a way to do it (and I know it is hard as hell).....forgive them silently and move on. The reason I say this...if they can engage your hatred then they win and it is NOT OK for them to win. People like that engaged my hatred for many years and it crippled a part of me......I was finally able to free myself from the battle by seeing exactly what I was dealing with and forgiving them. The forgiveness is powerful and it is NOT for them...it is for you. They won't have to know about it. It will give you strength.

In the meantime.....are you comfortable staying where you are and pursuing the path you have chosen with that school? Would changing environments be feasible for the both of you? I know you have stated that he has a job he has wanted for a long time...is there a way to move and still keep that job?

I think that there is a way to flourish and overcome whichever scenario happens (staying/leaving)....if you stay....you need to find people who are supportive of you in your area and make friends and allies with them. Having support can make a huge difference when you have to face this kind of adversity.

I have been insulated myself as I grew up in and live in one of the most liberal and gay friendly places in the country so thinking about it and putting myself in your shoes I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation. I know I would be angry and frustrated.

I think with the technical aspect that the school is using against you that you should seek legal counsel if possible....or maybe the ACLU? Clearly the bigotry of the person you spoke with is having a major impact on the outcome and THIS is an example of why it is essential that no gay person should rest until equality under the law exists across the board.

Unfortunately Romney and the Conservative Republicans will crank this up a notch or two in the months to come to fire up their base. It has been an effective wedge tool for many years now and if you can convince the Christians they are "fighting for god"...it will mobilize them. Romney has made donations to a group whose purpose is to drive a wedge between the black and gay populous and has made it clear he wants to enshrine discrimination into the constitution...and what you re dealing with is an example of the kind of discrimination we all potentially face.

Do you have an outlet right now for letting go of the stress? Maybe a gym or running? If not...try to find an outlet for relieving some of the stress so you will be able to think clearly and proceed in a way that will make you stronger.

Hang in there Beaux....dont' let them beat you down.

[Beaux]

[COLOR="Blue"][SIZE="3"]I finally got my lazy ass out of bed. Realized I sent hubby to work without his lunch, and climed into the bath tub. Lying in the hot bath, feeling sorry for myself, I noticed that one of my orchids decided to blossom today. With all of the problems in the world, with the entire earth ready for an ecological collapse, it still decided to make do with what it's got and add a little beauty to the world.
Time to stop feeling sorry for meh self. Time to dust me off and start doing what I have always done: start PUSHING. Pushing and fighting for my little spot of happy, time for me to add a lil more pretty to the world.
Luv y'all, Beau[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Pix]

You should ask her if her parents are cousins as she seems to be the kind of person first cousins would have with each other, and after all it's legal for first cousins to marry in South Carolina:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marr...s_by_state

Well, it's not advisable...but it IS understandable.

And you're in the Deep South. People outside the US (at least in places like the UK and Australia) have no idea just how toxic those areas can be and how many areas aspire to be the Christian version of Iran. But this shows how intense it can get (and can be gotten on Top Gear: US Special):

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1325466/al...s_topgear/

Reminded me of the East Texas Bible Belt (aka "behind the pine curtain").

We do one better, we don't just shoot any sign, the signs that prohibit shooting are the ones that get shot the most!

ETA: Watching the vid again (too bad the quality isn't that good) I just remembered one of the vehicles had "MAN LOVE RULES" on it!

But ah well, since the Republicans decided to declare all out war on women & gays in 2010 it has been getting worse everywhere. I used to be openly lesbian on the net as I figured they couldn't do anything to hurt me but I just got so sick of the endless passive aggressive (and not so passive) attacks on me that I finally went back into the closet. And even in California the only reason me and my partner (and our kids) didn't wind up homeless on the streets (as some fundies tried to make happen) was because of my partner's lawyer. It's pretty nerve wracking. And I can imagine how much worse it is in the Deep South, so you have my utmost sympathy.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

South Carolinia is one of the worst places in the USA to try to live as a gay couple - or for that matter as any human being that isn't white, male, middle class, married (to a woman of course).

Since you are 40 (we are of the same generation) you can look back and recall how bad it was 20 years ago - and use that to put today in perspective.

Yes its been a long, slow war with many battles won and lost, but we ARE better off today than we were 20 years ago even ten years ago. Ten years from now we will even be in a much better place.

Take your husband. He can now openly serve - he couldn't do that a year or two ago.

When things are looking bleak and you feel like shit due to the petty hatred of some low level bureaucrat who will never amount to anything - you should focus on the wins in life. It's called 'counting your blessings'.

It may make you feel better to know that recent polls the general public is more accepting of LGBT than ever before in the USA: http://www.newswise.com/articles/america...osexuality

Or it may help you to feel better knowing that our 'losing streak' may be over: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics...-1.1095492

Yes it is hard to stay happy (gay?) and joyful in this world all the time. The little crap and little people love nothing more than to keep our spirits down.

But just remember (and if necessary chant it if it helps) Things are getting better!

[Zet]

Plus in England if you have a housemate, this could be a friend or family member they have to declare their earnings too, it's all a bit bullshit if you ask me

Heh my brother used to live together with one of his friend and there was no problems what so ever with it, atleast here in Sweden. I would totally agree that it all sounds a bit fishy to me.

I wish you best of luck mate

[dfiant]

The battles we fight now make life easier for how many others in the future????

I'm sad that there are still battles like this that we are fighting and I'm sorry you have come into this situation...but fight the fair fight, the present and the future will benefit

[zeon]

Hello beuax,
Right under the equality law which im sure it is the same over there this woman has NO right to state what she has stated and what you and your husband do is your business not hers... She is paid to process the paperwork not ask questions about your lifestyle so the first thing you want to do is demand for her to be servierly repremanded potential dismissal... Secondly you havent come this far to just throw it away and yes fighting is shit i admit but to be honest if you dont fight for your right then what right do you have? I would recommend taking her on and putting a letter of complaint into her boss and if not happy with the outcome then inform her manager that you are going to be taking legal action against the company and her for the way that this has manifested itself onto someone who is trying to study... Explain that just because you are gay does that mean your not intitled to an education later on in life and deserve to be riddicled by this bitch? I would i would go absoluitely mental about it and walk in and demand to see her manager end of!"

[worknlife]

I hate to hear you experienced that. I don’t understand at what point in time we as people started to place categories on family, relationships and love….and then started to judge people on it. I have yet to run into that kind of situation and to be honest I think that I push my potential partners away because I am afraid of being ridiculed or judged on the simple fact that I am in a relationship with a man. I am an African American and I was asked by a TSA (airport security) how I was able to afford my carry on bag and how I could live in an ’exclusive’ city. Not that it was any of his business but I had to explain to him that I live in my parents house and what I did for a living (I did not make this easy for him). She had no right telling you tax laws and she can be sued for that as she more than likely does not have a license to give tax advice or to consult on tax matters. I have a mortgage, securities and insurance license and trust me when I say a person can’t give advise, suggestions or tell you what is or is not legal unless they have a license in that field. My mother told me once when I was younger “the best way to shut someone up, is to take their money” and that is my suggestion to you. I hope she reaps what she sow’s and you get you just rewards.