So... coming for some advice.
I've been talking to this guy on a dating website for a few days now and he's expressed interest in meeting up with me. He's twenty-three years older than me, which would put he and I at the 43/20 age range.
Now, I've never said never, but I don't know how I would approach this on a more direct level. I mean, it could just be he wants to meet up with me to chat as friends, but what if he's looking for more? I mean, I wouldn't be against it, but I don't know the kind of protocols I would follow. I'd imagine I'd have to act a bit differently, etc., around him, but I just want to make sure I don't fuck this up even on a friendly level.
Thoughts, guys?
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One big protocol I'd be concerned with is practice safe sex. Outside of that, I think the best advice would be just be yourself. I don't think you need to (or should) act differently when you are around him.
You want him to know what you are like, either as friends or as more, but the only way for that to happen would be for you to act naturally. Don't try and act how you think he wants you to. Just be yourself.
The other big advice - be safe...there are some real sicko's out there (not everyone but unfortunately they exist). Meet him in a public place, make sure someone knows where you are at etc etc.
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Medic Wrote:One big protocol I'd be concerned with is practice safe sex. Outside of that, I think the best advice would be just be yourself. I don't think you need to (or should) act differently when you are around him.
You want him to know what you are like, either as friends or as more, but the only way for that to happen would be for you to act naturally. Don't try and act how you think he wants you to. Just be yourself.
The other big advice - be safe...there are some real sicko's out there (not everyone but unfortunately they exist). Meet him in a public place, make sure someone knows where you are at etc etc.
Oh, I always have safe sex, don't worry.
And we're meeting in public, so it's all good.  I always let my roomies know where we're going when we go out.
And being myself is what I do best, so I guess I'll just do that.
Thank you, Medic!
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I would treat it like any other 1st date. If your interested than go and meet in a coffee shop or a restaurant. I have dated some on 20yrs my senior and it was fine. I only had a problem with him acting like my father and the fact that he didn’t want children. If it were not for that we would still be together…plus at that time I need someone more mature.
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I don't like to think about things I have no control over, even though I like to have control in situations where I feel I need to have the advantage [I.e - If Someone asks for Musical advice, then I take over and lead].
So If I were meeting someone, no matter their age, and I didn't know much about him, I'd always be cautious, even if he is nice. I would control what I said, what I do and what he's able to perceive from me, until I'm done getting what I want to know from him.
It sounds sketchy, but it's a defense Mechanism I've had for a long while, and it's kept me out of trouble for a while now.
Most importantly, though personally, I would keep the cookie out of grasp, unless I'm sure I like the guy. I mate for life, so if he gets the cookie, it'll be the only one he ever gets and he won't get it unless I let him, so...
But that's me.
I still suggest you make sure you know what you're doing before you give your cookie away, cause he might just be a cookie collector, and even though you willingly gave it away, he might infect it with ickyness and then you can't give it to another guy who may genuinely love it and want to only have the one cookie from you.
:biggrin:
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There are a lot of older man that are willing to take advantage of younger guys, so that would be my main concern before safe sex.
By all means meet the guy in the safety of a public areana with plenty of escape routes if anything should go wrong.
People have a habit of saying and acting a certain way to lull your senses and make you believe that all is OK, then alone they become different people.
My concern is 3 days chatting and he is keen to meet ***alarm bells***
Proceed with extreme caution, I have seen a lot of young people hurt emotionally and physically by predatory older people that always say the exact things that you want to hear and meet them days/hours after first chatting.
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I once asked a man almost three times my age to marry me.
I still see him, as I rapidly come to be half his age and to this day I still love him even if we're not together anymore.
I see nothing wrong in you dating him.
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dfiant Wrote:My concern is 3 days chatting and he is keen to meet ***alarm bells***
Yeah, they're ringing in my ears, too.
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Yeah...alarm bells for me too.
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Sceak Wrote:I once asked a man almost three times my age to marry me.
I still see him, as I rapidly come to be half his age and to this day I still love him even if we're not together anymore.
I see nothing wrong in you dating him.
Don't take me the wrong way, I have no qualms about big age gaps in a relationship between 2 consenting adults when there is 100% respect flowing both ways. I have always dated younger guys, the biggest age gap was 15 years and that was my last relationship.
Through being a willing ear I have heard stories of younger guys being raped and bashed by older guys who say all the right things 'I think I could fall in love with you' and stuff like that, and all those sweet romantic things that young guys like to hear, especially praise 'You're gorgeous', 'You're so smart'...and after chatting for a few days, the older guys wanting to meet to me reeks of desperation, and a desperate man is a dangerous man more often than not.
Beautifulblue sounds like a lovely guy and I would hate for him to be in a situation where he has no control.
Personally I would advise against meeting until the older guys intentions are truely known, and if a meeting goes ahead (This advice is the same regardless of age difference) meet in a very public place where you have escape routes and ALWAYS tell a friend/family of your plans.
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Dating a (much older) man
