Login

07-06-2012, 11:52 PM

archubbycub Wrote:Thank you for being so brutally honest Bowyn, and I truly mean that. I think a lot of my problem right now is I'm just so miserable and need a way out but can't seem to find it. The wife doesn't want to let go of me, for whatever reason, and I can't muster up the balls to just walk out. She claims she has no one she can turn to, but the fact is everyone who knows about all of this, outside of this forum and one close friend of mine who I finally confided in, is on her side. All I want is to live my life open and honestly, and every way I turn I keep getting pushed back into the lie! And it hurts.

archubbycub Wrote:I know you guys are getting sick of me whining and crying and I'm sorry.

Brutal honesty, its my stock in trade.

I don't have many friends, but the ones who stick around do so because they know I will call them on their BS and on others BS as well.

Who started the lie? Was it them? No, it was you.

If you were hitting your head with a hammer and hurting and someone said 'Hey idiot, stop hitting yourself with that hammer!' would you continue hitting yourself with the hammer?

If not, then 'Hey idiot, stop hitting yourself with that hammer!' :tongue:

07-07-2012, 05:27 AM

I know I'm the one who started the lie. And oh how I wish I had stopped it a long time ago. It's funny, I was raised all my life to always tell the truth, no matter what. But now that I have told the truth, the signals and responses I'm getting from almost everyone personally involved are either "It's not true," or "Keep living the lie!"

07-07-2012, 10:24 AM

archubbycub Wrote:. . . the signals and responses I'm getting from almost everyone personally involved are either "It's not true," or "Keep living the lie!"

How about: "Start living the truth"?

Get out and start a new life - or do you want to live this misery for the next 40-50 years?

Yeah, I know, easier said than done, but it can be done - I've been there and done it.

Sure, people are going to get hurt, including you. When a relationship breaks up everyone involved hurts. But that is short-term pain. Can you face the long-term pain?

You're at a crossroads, my friend - read the sign-posts.

And don't apologise - big boys do cry. Bighug

07-07-2012, 11:16 AM

Yeah monk, I've never been one who was afraid to cry. And I know I need to get out of this situation. I just need to get everything together first. But again, I thank you all for your advice and encouragement (and the occasional slap in the face). I just need a place to rant every now and again! Smile

07-07-2012, 11:34 AM

Good luck! Bighug

07-07-2012, 02:04 PM

Thank you monk. I really need to set down and come up with an exit plan for all of this.

07-07-2012, 04:27 PM

archubbycub Wrote:Thank you monk. I really need to set down and come up with an exit plan for all of this.

Open door, walk out. Or if you prefer: Exit stage right.

It not like you have 300,000 troops occupying some desert nation and have to come up with a tidy way to remove them all. Wink

07-07-2012, 05:01 PM

Thanks again Bowyn! Needed that laugh. And I like the theater reference too! Smile

07-07-2012, 07:32 PM

I can only speak from my own experience.

I am an NCO in the United States Army. Here's what I have experienced.
When I find a man that I am attracted to I tend to give that person, in my mind, a more "gay friendly" attitude than the person actually exhibits. I'm not saying that this is the case with you, and not knowing your personal situation I can't comment intelligently on the risks to you regarding coming out about your feelings.
Knowing what the risks to me are, given a similar situation in my own life I would probably keep quiet, but that's me.
I wish that our society here in the US was more accepting of non traditional sexual orientation but I do understand that it isn't.
I hope you can work things out in a way that affects your life and your future positively.
Richard

07-07-2012, 08:07 PM

Ardus -- I agree with you. I think it best to keep quiet about my "friend" and just enjoy the good friendship (and the occasional back rub) for now. My situation is a bit "precarious" in that I have been married for almost 13 years now, but have just recently come to terms with my own sexuality. And to make things worse, I have a wife who refuses to let go of me, even though I am not attracted to her in anyway.