East Wrote:What were your parents like? Did they give you confidence or did they undermine it? Were they mentally, emotionally or physically abusive? Basically, they were both nice and not abusive at all.
The problem was that my mom was... naïve? Not quite sure of the word I'm looking for... basically, she spoiled me with compliments when I didn't deserve them. I know that it's not out of the ordinary for parents to say good, positive-image building things to their kids, but my mom killed with it. Whenever I was sad, it was always "Oh, don't be sad, you're so smart, handsome, talented!" etc. I didn't believe her because everyone at school always told me the opposite of what she said. My mom is one person, vs. everyone else, so of course I believed everyone else. It's funny, because now my mom is also bi-polar and she will randomly do the opposite of what she used to and call me a dirty lazy bastard.
My parents are divorced and my dad doesn't live with me, I only got to see him two days a week if mom let me. He was definately more honest with stuff like that, but I don't know if that's better or worse. He was VERY critical of things that didn't matter, like personal tastes like music and stuff, when that shit isn't important in the scheme of things. Maybe I just couldn't handle criticism. I was always a weak, wimpy kid.
dfiant Wrote:Don't think that has anything to do with your sexuality. Have you assessed any of your behaviours instead???
If people don't like you then there is only one common denominator now isn't there?
And I am 100% sure it is not your sexuality since a clear majority of gay men have a positive experience in society.
I think your problems stem from your attitude, and queit frankly you have dismissed everyone in this discussion as wrong and you 100% right.
You have a bad attitude so of course you are going to have bad experiences and not be liked. I would try to be so nice and friendly with people though... it was just sad. Maybe I was too shy though, or not good-looking enough, or I didn't wear the right clothes or like the right things. Stupid stuff like that. Oh well.
Zet Wrote:Is it worth to loose your self for artificial friends who doesn't really care about the REAL you and perhaps maybe stab you in the back if they knew?
To be honest, I ratter be alone and totally isolated then having billions of "Facebook friends" (A term I like to use, People who you recognize as friends but you're not that close to). To me, it may be worth it if the alternative is having no friends at all. I've had some of my "fake" friends (the ones I lie to that I'm straight) do very nice things for me.
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WheresTheLove Wrote:Maybe I was too shy though, or not good-looking enough, or I didn't wear the right clothes or like the right things. Stupid stuff like that.
I've always been shy, to the point of diagnosed sociophobia, I'm not good-looking, I wear cheap clothes from Primark as I don't have a lot of money, and I like what I like, not what other people tell me is the right thing to like. On top of that, of course, is the fact that I'm nearly sixty - that's about 4000 in gay-years - the ultimate crime.
And you know what? I have friends. Few admittedly, but they're all diamonds and I wouldn't swap them for all the tea in China.
You get back what you give out - as all my teachers used to say - "Must try harder!" 
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It's just sad for people like us. For most of our life, we really have more problem than straight people ever face. At a young age, we're dealing with challenge of our identity and orientation. Some refuse to face it, some try to fight it, whereas some accept it. Then comes middle school, where we'll either get target by bullies for being gay, watched silently as others people bullied as gay, or lying to yourself and bully other people for being gay. Normally people say home is the safest place, but even then we lie to our family of not being gay. In our mind we're constantly dealing with guilt and fitting into society. We have to learn to be more tolerant to people who insults gay people, labelling us as "disgusting", because we can't do anything since we're only the minority.
We then have a enxt big challenge in life, which is whether to come out or not. If chose not to come out, then we have to live a fake life forever... If you choose to come out, it could be absolutely great, but in the same time it could turn into chaos with friends, society and even family turning your back on you. Even if coming out was a success, there's then a problem of finding a partner, which is more difficult for straight people...
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It's just sad for people like us. For most of our life, we really have more problem than straight people ever face. At a young age, we're dealing with challenge of our identity and orientation. Some refuse to face it, some try to fight it, whereas some accept it. Then comes middle school, where we'll either get target by bullies for being gay, watched silently as others people bullied as gay, or lying to yourself and bully other people for being gay. Normally people say home is the safest place, but even then we lie to our family of not being gay. In our mind we're constantly dealing with guilt and fitting into society. We have to learn to be more tolerant to people who insults gay people, labelling us as "disgusting", because we can't do anything since we're only the minority.
We then have a enxt big challenge in life, which is whether to come out or not. If chose not to come out, then we have to live a fake life forever... If you choose to come out, it could be absolutely great, but in the same time it could turn into chaos with friends, society and even family turning your back on you. Even if coming out was a success, there's then a problem of finding a partner, which is more difficult for straight people...
Yeah, I know life can be more difficult for us - always has been, but it's getting better. And, you're not alone, millions of us have been through it and survived.
Keep the faith - there is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Wow... this has turned rather interesting.
I do think that a lot of the initial argument was based on perception rather than fact. I always used to think I would be ostracised for being gay when I came out, but the truth was all it did was make some of my friends a little bit surprised. I've never been beaten on, insulted, or punished for my sexuality in the 12 years I've been gay and proud in the UK.
There have been times when I've thought I would really like a family, or to be part of the mainstream, but it would just be a massive lie for me as an individual. I can't do that as much as I can't pretend to enjoy shitty chart music. If you're not feeling it, you can't dance to it.
My best buddy knows I'm gay, and it didn't change a thing between us. I love him for that. My old boss supported gay rights despite being happily married; there's a lot of variables and things you wouldn't expect from people for the better.
In all seriousness - If you're having trouble with sexuality and self-harming I'd really look at talking to a counsellor, there are a lot of services for young gay men that are anonymous and open. The world can seem a cold place but it doesn't have to be that way, there's a lot of support for young people and you shouldn't feel alone.
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@whrs the love...I dont knw why ur views and some of the guys views in this forum seems to match with me so much..Infact a month ago n was checking videos of curing homoseuality n aftr seeing those vidoes i tried that on myslef trying to avoid thhinking abt guys n made up a mind that gay life has no future(which i still believe) n have to lead a normal life but i failed again like my previous attempts.Yes no one can chnge thier sexuality u can either supress it or become a celibate...GOD what u have in ur mind
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I am rlly fed up with my life..Will i ever get a partner i have desired??Will i hve to spend my lfe alone?I never had a girlfren?Boyfren (kind off).I am cute luking(not in funny way) fall under abve avrge luks have reasonable features..but m short 5.3.Sumtyms i feel I stand in such a situation where neitherr a girl would desire or can b their boyfren n for goodlukng guys..they might hve sex with me but not their partner.Why I am born like this,If I am gay n not that attractive then y God gave me so insatibale sexual urges that i cnt focus on other things.I rlly want to do big in this world n dont want to die being nothing,I rlly want to do so good many things in lyf like learning diffnrt languages,guitar,take up dancing,help others, poor people,want to be recognized as a wise men n uplift my career and have lots of money and infct i have a good creativity side(as every1 has said) but this one thinkg(sex) makes me go weak on my knees n i think ...whats next even afetr achieving these coz after all i hve to cum bck home n leave with lonely walls....I cnt concentrate on my career..Help me
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Okay, I'm just going to be blunt here. You are only 19, what I see is a knee jerk reaction born of low self esteem and, you think pretending to be straight is going to make you feel better about yourself. SO you haven't found the right guy yet - news flash I'm 46 and single.
Yeah I've had 3 long term relationships but not with my Mr. Perfect, great guys that I loved yes but, no one will ever live up to all of my ideals 100% of the time. That's reality.
All pretending to be straight will do is make you a liar of the worst kind - a liar to yourself, which is what any ex-gay is. I had an ex friend do the whole religious guru trip and claim to be an ex-gay - that's why he is my ex- friend. He was still gay, just lying to himself and the poor lady he was dating.
Harsh? Yes but at least I'm being honest.
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All pretending to be straight will do is make you a liar of the worst kind - a liar to yourself, which is what any ex-gay is. I had an ex friend do the whole religious guru trip and claim to be an ex-gay - that's why he is my ex- friend. He was still gay, just lying to himself and the poor lady he was dating.
Harsh? Yes but at least I'm being honest.
Hear! Hear! Thanks for saying that!
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Before embarking in any mission of suppressing and restraining yourself, I recommend you take in consideration that if you engage in a straight relation and then your feelings toward men comeback you may be hurting someone. At your age give you time to think and freedom to experience, but if you have to supress or restrain, sooner or later you will explode.
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