Cal from Santa Barbara

[princealbertofb]

Dfiant's right but maybe he's sounding a little bit harsh (and doesn't realise it? ). If indeed it is true that your sexuality shouldn't be the only thing you can define your identity by, it is still part of it.

@ Daz, Cal is just saying that after being in the closet for so long he thinks it's time he did something about having sex and having a gay relationship, something he's never felt comfortable about before. So how can we help him with that? I guess by just listening to what his experience has been so far.

@ Cal, what has your experience of sex and relationships been so far? Have you had any? Was it always covert and maybe shameful and uncomfortable? Were you careful who you were seen with? Or have you completely been celibate just to hide who you were? (fortunately, we all know how much the Internet must have helped such lonely people). So are you saying, Cal, that you are now ready for the real thing???

[Rainbowmum]

Hello Cal

[dfiant]

Dfiant's right but maybe he's sounding a little bit harsh (and doesn't realise it? ). If indeed it is true that your sexuality shouldn't be the only thing you can define your identity by, it is still part of it.

Nah ahhh.

A clear and concise explanation of 'defining' oneself.

[Cal]

@ Nick9, James, Monk, Stretch, Rainbowmum:

Hello!

@ Princealbertofb:

Dfiant comes off as playful, not harsh -- peanut butter sandwiches always soften the tone. And I'm sure he's right; I just don't understand what he's saying yet.

Was there a post by someone named Daz? I can't see it.

Thanks for asking about my experiences. I've had sex (not much) with both men and women. Yes, sex with men is always covert, shameful, and uncomfortable, but I don't think that is because I'm ashamed of having sex with men; I think it's because I'm ashamed of the gender confusion and submissive fantasies that drive me to have sex with men. In any case, I'm more worried about relationships. I don't have them. I can't seem to connect with either men or women. I'm not sure I want to, but I'm definitely hungry for something... This is a lot to explain in a single forum post. I think I'll stop there and offer to continue the discussion later.

@ Everyone:

A theme is emerging in this thread. Dfiant offered that "Your sexuality isn't YOU, your sexuality is a PART of you"; Stretch seems to agree, saying "Being gay is one of the many things about me but it is not WHO I am"; and Princealbertofb joined in with "your sexuality shouldn't be the only thing you can define your identity by". These sound like wise words, but I don't know why you guys are saying them. Are they relevant to me somehow, or is this simply the message you greet all newcomers with?

Cal

[Runner67]

Hi Cal and welcome to GS.