07-23-2012, 05:44 AM
So I'm unsure how to go about this, and really just need to vent more than anything I think.
There's a guy I have been, well, obsessed with for several years. We'll call him John.
John and I had been seeing/talking to each-other and talking for about three years now. We first met online, talked for several months, then met up and hooked up. This happened several times. We usually kept talking for a couple months via phone and online after each time we hooked up, but then he'd usually fuck off. Thing is, he's a closet case. I'm not exactly out either, but he's borderline paranoid schizophrenic about anybody finding out. Our dates if you can call them that usually consisted getting a coffee at some ungodly hour, talking and fucking. Then he would basically in a roundabout way, say I was making being gay "too real." Honestly, for this to go on for three years, especially with the emotional shit that has been said is draining the fuck out of me. I'm madly in love with this dude, and I don't know what the fuck to do about it.
And if I could just forget about him after banging other guys or trying to find someone I feel the same way for, I would. But I've tried and failed. I've also just tried living a single life, avoiding co-dependency, but it still doesn't stop me from thinking about him. He is literally the only gay dude I've ever met I can relate to...chill, masculine, laid-back, similar interests, funny, empathetic. I seriously consider in retrospect giving him my name.
How do I get over him? How do I stop thinking about him? Compounding my romantic feelings are my straight-up caring for his suicidal ass. I don't know if one day I'm going to get the balls to call his place and find out I missed his funeral. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
tl;dr: this is some brokeback mountain shit, how the fuck do you get over the sickest dude you've known, knowing the feelings are reciprocated, but only cause he's a closet case? It's such a mental psychofuck.
Any advice would be appreciated. just venting kinda helped. peace.
There's a guy I have been, well, obsessed with for several years. We'll call him John.
John and I had been seeing/talking to each-other and talking for about three years now. We first met online, talked for several months, then met up and hooked up. This happened several times. We usually kept talking for a couple months via phone and online after each time we hooked up, but then he'd usually fuck off. Thing is, he's a closet case. I'm not exactly out either, but he's borderline paranoid schizophrenic about anybody finding out. Our dates if you can call them that usually consisted getting a coffee at some ungodly hour, talking and fucking. Then he would basically in a roundabout way, say I was making being gay "too real." Honestly, for this to go on for three years, especially with the emotional shit that has been said is draining the fuck out of me. I'm madly in love with this dude, and I don't know what the fuck to do about it.
And if I could just forget about him after banging other guys or trying to find someone I feel the same way for, I would. But I've tried and failed. I've also just tried living a single life, avoiding co-dependency, but it still doesn't stop me from thinking about him. He is literally the only gay dude I've ever met I can relate to...chill, masculine, laid-back, similar interests, funny, empathetic. I seriously consider in retrospect giving him my name.
How do I get over him? How do I stop thinking about him? Compounding my romantic feelings are my straight-up caring for his suicidal ass. I don't know if one day I'm going to get the balls to call his place and find out I missed his funeral. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
tl;dr: this is some brokeback mountain shit, how the fuck do you get over the sickest dude you've known, knowing the feelings are reciprocated, but only cause he's a closet case? It's such a mental psychofuck.
Any advice would be appreciated. just venting kinda helped. peace.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
