Open relationships

[archubbycub]

I certainly don't want this thread to sound mean or belittling to anyone who is in an open relationship (gay or straight for that matter), but I really can't figure out how that works. To me, a relationship is about love and mutual respect, comraderiship, things like that. And I just wonder how any couple, regardless of sexuality, can have all those things and be in an open relationship.

I understand there are couples that are open in the fact that they allow others into their bed together, but even then it's hard for me to fully grasp that. And I have a friend who is in an open relationship with his partner. And while I see some of those things I mentioned at the start in their relationship, I just see it as hard to build a relationship with someone when there's a third person involved.

I guess I'm just an old fashion kind of guy. But, to each his own I suppose!

[santaberry]

Amen. Preach!

[Pix]

Do you mean strictly where one or both partners can have other (strictly) sexual partners, or are you including things like swinging and polyamory?

Your example of "having a third person" involved suggested 3 people in a relationship together (which would be polyamory, even if the 3 don't have sex together) as opposed to an open relationship.

[archubbycub]

I mean any sort of open relationship. I've always been one that preferred monogamy in a relationship. I know, personal choice. But I'm just curious as to how a relationship is built like that (open). I guess part of it is I've never been able to ask these types of questions before now. Or rather didn't feel comfortable asking them.

[Pix]

I think The Ethical Slut explains it (how, why, etc) beautifully and well, and made me consider trying polyamory (actually I did ask partners for awhile but I never dated anyone long term who was into that so it never happened). Of course its focus is on polyamory rather than open relationships and swinging, but I think it's easy to figure out the others from this book.

I recently saw a movie called Savages (not out on dvd yet and I expect if it's still playing anywhere then it's at those discount cinemas)...surprisingly good IMO (I normally avoid movies like this but this one emphasized story over gunshots & explosions and had a couple of refreshing changes so I was glad I saw it) in which the woman O describes her relationship with 2 men at the same time (sometimes dating, and having sex with, both at the same time), and I thought it was an understandable reason. I can't recall how she exactly explained it nor can I find the quote on the internet so all I can say is that the 2 men loved each other deeply and shared everything anyway (and I'd guess in a way she was the way for 2 straight men to have sex with each other :tongue: ) and as for her each brought her something she needed that no one man ever did before. All 3 were more loyal to each other than many in monogamous relationships and it struck me as a believable premise.

[MidgetGem]

Got to agree, never did see the point in open relationships if you aren't going to fully commit to one another why bother?!

[archubbycub]

Pix -- I guess I could kinda see the whole "love each other so much, want to share" thing. And like I said, some oft reason for questioning also comes from how I've always thought of a "relationship" as something between two people, not multiple. But as I also said, I won't judge anyone for how they run their lives. I for one certainly have no room to do so anyway!

[monk]

Pix -- I guess I could kinda see the whole "love each other so much, want to share" thing. And like I said, some oft reason for questioning also comes from how I've always thought of a "relationship" as something between two people, not multiple. But as I also said, I won't judge anyone for how they run their lives. I for one certainly have no room to do so anyway!

"Let he who is without sin . . .", right?

[archubbycub]

"Let he who is without sin . . .", right?

Exactly!

[dfiant]

Open relationships are not for anyone to judge, they exists and that is that. Some people and relationships benefit, other don't...whatever floats your boat.

Personally I would never be happy in an open relationship, I would never have a fling with anyone else that is in a relationship either.

I'm monogamous and that feels right for me and works for me...but more power to those that have open relationships and make them work