About orientation & BDSM, gender roles

[Pix]

I used to know a guy who is very much into the BDSM subculture and he not only explained it very well but was very knowledgeable and able to cite sources. Unfortunately I lost contact with him years ago so I can't ask him what I'm about to ask now.

He said that some study or survey showed what he himself observed: that a clear majority of straight men preferred to be the "one in charge" while a vast majority of women (89% IIRC) had a strong preference for being submissive. But once you got away from heterosexuality (bi and gay equally) then it changed to about 50/50 (though people tended to assume the opposite, that is lesbians were dominatrixes and gay men inherently passive, but he said 50/50 was about right in his observation as well).

Does this seem likely? Can anyone expand on this?

I'm curious how this might relate to other aspects of heterosexuals & their gender roles as well. As a (presumably) non-controversial example, a lot of typical straight women like male alphas (some even like 'em so domineering that I suspect they're closet BDSM), and I recall how much Twilight turned me off because Edward was such a control freak who stalked & even menaced Bella at times (I even had a nightmare where Edward was after me instead). This was such a total turn off to me yet women of all ages eat it up, and I can think of many similar examples as well. I'm wondering, is it because I'm a lesbian that I don't like it? (And it's not the gender, a female vampire like Edward would still turn me off.)

I also recall when I let a guy crash with me because I liked him and he made me laugh. While I expected him to get a job I was patient and wanted him to get a job he liked rather than the first thing that came along. (Of course I did expect him to run errands and chores for me while I provided room & board for him, which he did with no problem, and he also made me laugh which I considered a valuable service.) A lot of women (typically straight) find it mind boggling that I did this. I wonder, is it because they buy into traditional gender roles where the man provides (dating back to the Hunter archetype) and since I wasn't looking at him as a mate it didn't signify that he was between jobs, or could it be because I'm a lesbian I'm "wired differently" and don't need a man to put a roof over me head (and by extension be the boss of me, which I wouldn't put up with)?

Or, put another way (as this thread was inspired by Funniest Question), do females like Twilight because they're straight? :tongue:

[ChadCoxRox]

Lot's of stuff in this post...but as for the last part... I'd guess it's about your being generous and giving and tolerant while the disbelievers are more materialistic and envious.

[OrphanPip]

The most famous writer on BDSM I can think of is Pat Califia (although I find his positions are often difficult for me to deal with, he once wrote a paper defending pederasty, though he subsequently denounced it as a mistake).

There's also Gayle Rubin who was a lesbian writer from the same San Francisco S&M scene as Califia, although she takes an anthropological approach in contrast to the deconstructionist subjective approach of Califia.

They're most notable for taking an approach that defends S&M and gender roles in sexual practices in opposition to the anti-sex lesbian feminists of the 70s.