Sometimes I Feel Left Out...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I came out when I was around 24, and I have only been with 8 guys sexually. only 2 of which were one night stands - my 'slut phase'. :biggrin:

I put a lot of importance on the relationship side of the matter, as such I passed up on lots and lots and lots of casual sex encounters.

I found most of my men through other than LGBT related social activities. Meaning while I did go to the bars and clubs, I wasn't looking for sex nor relationships at those places (I was looking for alcohol lots and lots of alcohol - why else to go to a bar?).

When love happens it has a way of sneaking up behind you at the least expected places and times and then proceeds to bash your brains out.

My current partner of 14 years I met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I was then 2 years clean and sober and seriously not wanting to be involved. The very week before I was 'sharing' how I had decided to spend the next few years as a single person, pursing my own life and doing selfish things to get myself in order. A week later I'm being bashed in the head by life which obviously didn't like my plan. :tongue:

I did spend a lot of time 'alone' (single) for the first decade of my gay life. It was a choice, one I do not regret... often or much. Yeah sure I sometimes get in a mood and wonder if I would have been happier had I 'dated' those other guys I turned down cold... I think we all wonder once in a while about the paths we did not take.

It is not good to be alone all the time. And this is beyond relationships and dating, I mean socializing with other people is part of a healthy life.

Being alone doesn't mean you are lonely, however being lonely does mean you need more social interaction. Maybe not a partner, but more friends, to go out and do 'something' to interact with the rest of your species.

Human's are hardwired for social behaviors. They are highly social creatures, if you own one then you need to either be with it a lot, or get another one to keep it company.... Wait that's my advice for dogs... it does apply to humans as well.

Get a hobby that takes you out of your comfort zone a bit - meaning out of the house and into places with real life human beings occasionally. Take up a class, a single one night a week class will open the doors to social interactions and might provide you with enough social interactions to stave off loneliness.

It also opens the door to meeting potential mates. Unless you have a lot of plumbing or other issues in your house, men don't just walk up to your door and ring to come in.... You need to be out there as an open target, meet new people (not necessarily just gay men) , network a little, get introduced to new people. Somewhere out there is 'your' man. Finding him is a bit difficult if all you do is stay at home.

[ChadCoxRox]

No it isn't the real thing, but it is a fun way for us both to share our fantasies, even if they could never happen in real life and, we've both made a good friend in the process. At least it's a safe, healthy release for pent up frustrations and, it's fun. Amazing where a fantasy can go when two people are writing it.

I absolutely LOVE this and enjoyed this very interesting and thoughtful post! You go boy!!!!

What is a MMO game? examples?

[mihai]

And, it's my own fault.

I am not very social, I am pretty much a homebody. I work a lot and do not go out often, really. I spend time at home with my roommate and cats. I am not really complaining about it, it's just lonely at times.

I am a bit "inexperienced" you might say - Only had rendezvous with a couple of guys which were nice, romantic times. mile:

I believe in long-term relationships, not just sex.

I only came out recently and honestly am not even actively searching for anything - Everything in due time...

I do like gay bars, discos, watching guys dance, having a drink or two but I do not go there and have not for years. But, I want to have fun, too. :redface:
[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]
Thank you for reading this and letting me express myself[/COLOR].

~Matthew~

Who said nature can;t be fun I honestly prefer to go in forest or on a hill and listen to my AC DC and probably read something , or get someone along

[Teox]

I wouldn't call that a fault, Matty

You seem pretty ok to me, not hurt or depressed and it seems that you are just thinking about possibilities and new goals and how to achieve them. Maybe you simply need more time to pluck up the courage and go in those bars

This.

You can do it Mathew, let us know how you get on. mile:

[nikgee]

Funny you sound pretty normal to me.I too am pretty much a loner. And work takes a pretty good chunk out of my time. Not into the bar scene But I do like a good cup of coffee. That Pen and paper or a good book and I'm good to go.I guess that might be boring to most people.

[ceez]

I'm the same, I don't going out to clubs and I prefer staying in most nights. I do hope to find someone one day though.

[Double007]

I'm pretty quiet myself. I feel it's a confidence issue as well as part of personality. Recently, I have been sick and tired of it and I've been making changes. For example, when I got shopping I make sure I spark up a conversation with the checker on purpose. I went to a birthday party, really didn't want to go, and while i was there, I made it a point to have a conversation with a few people. I make it a point to always talk to people especially if they are friendly with me. it's really helped me open up a lot more. So i encourage you to find moments where you make yourself talk to people. It seems to get easier after while.