Are some people just naturally tighter/looser than others down there?

[Zet]

Ok thanks Zet, I quess I'll just have to accept that I will never be bottom and satisfy my partner

Not really. Look upon it as going to the gym, first time will feel like shit, but after a while the pain will subdue and you wouldn't notice any. Of course you don't have to be a bottom that's your choice, but if you really want it, just know that the more you exercise doing it, the better it will feel

[Teox]

There's no such thing as a "tight prostate" your physician was misinforming you. The prostate gland is 5" inside your rectum, not anywhere near the sphinter.

What would you suggest I do?

To answer your question directly: NO!

The sphinter is a strong muscle - and can be "flexed".....so, the reality is, you're apprehensive about anal sex being painful and so you're "clinching" your sphinter muscle which makes it almost impossible to get even a pinky in your rectum.

Once you find a guy or situation where you feel 100% safe and with a partner who's very patient, you'll be able to enjoy anal fun. But, until you learn to fully relax, and a guy will take the time (and lots of lube) and you TRUELY want to bottom, it will be tough and even painful.

I have relaxed and felt safe and trusted my partner, I've taken time with plenty of lube, I TRUELY want to bottom but I don't like pain so maybe that's my problem, The pain. Maybe cause anal sex is truely unnatural?

Not really. Look upon it as going to the gym, first time will feel like shit, but after a while the pain will subdue and you wouldn't notice any. Of course you don't have to be a bottom that's your choice, but if you really want it, just know that the more you exercise doing it, the better it will feel

Scientist need to create something to make it easier.

[pellaz]

... I would like to try being bottom even just the once.I'm just too tight, ...

I did a few searches and really didnt find any clinical facts how the population varies. The genetic variability would have to be lower than expected because you still need to pass whatever is in your body.

you need to give the anal sex as a bottom some time, if you want to try it just once its not going to be enjoyable for you. one little finger in the shower is doable?

[pellaz]

double post

[Beaux]

Ok, I don't reply to too many posts but I feel for ya and so, here is my 2 cents worth:

First couple of times it's gonna hurt like hell. I have met a few guys that say their first time was a dream, but they are few and far between in my experience. First time I did it I hated it. It was very painful and I was miserable. Second time...same thing. So, I decided I was a total top and lived that way for a number of years. Eventually, I started dating a guy that I really, really fell in love with. Only problem, we were both tops. After living together for a couple of years with a sex life that consisted exclusively of blowjobs, we were not too happy. After many fights and discussions we both decided we would try bottoming for each other. Just like the first times I tried bottoming I could barley endure the pain, but THEN soemthing strange happened the third time it was my turn to bottom. It didn't very much! Also, I discovered that I really could control those muscles down there! The next time we did it, it didn't hurt at all, in fact it felt kinda nice! Which leads us to where I am today. I have pretty remarkable control of my anal muscles (which allows him more pleasure) and I can orgasam from anal stimulation alone.

Don't know if that helps, but that's it. Good luck.

[ZackT]

It really is just about relaxing the muscles. That takes practice and control. Even with lube, if you're really tensing up down there, you're gonna have a real hard time getting anything inside. You might be able to work a finger in there, but nothing else will really work.

So that's what you have to practice, is letting the muscles relax. To help make the process easier, I'd recommend using some lube every time, even with just a finger. That'll help prove you can actually do it.

What you can do as well is get a finger inside, then work on the finger next to it. For example, use your pointer finger first, then work on the middle finger while leaving the pointer inside as well. Lube them both, of course. But this will help you adjust to slightly wider things and you'll get there.

It's a natural reaction to clamp down when something's trying to force it's way up your bum, even if you want it to go up there - that's just the body's doing. But you are able to control it, just like many many other aspects of your body.

Also, maybe you're worried about having an accident while you're trying this stuff out? The fear of making a mess could be a problem you're having. Especially if you're trying to do it with your partner present, that'd be embarrassing right? Well, it may happen eventually to either one of you and when it does, just shrug it off, clean up and move forward. Also, you can help prevent accidents by making sure to eat plenty of fiber and take a good healthy dump a little while before your anal escapades. Anywhere from right before to a few hours would be fine. Then you can feel confident you won't have an accident and might have an easier time relaxing down there

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes, medically speaking some people are tighter in the arse than others.

Most (not all) humans are rather weak in the anus - meaning their sphincter muscles are a bit atrophied. This leads to them having more issues such as herniated muscles (hemorrhoids) and even prolapse.

IF a person is in general good shape and do lots of straining - not in the toilet, but elsewhere, such as they do a lot of lifting and bring their abdominal muscles to bear, then tend to be a bit of a tight ass.

I have seen a video where a man was doing a squat/stand up lift of heavy weights, he was a body builder, and attempted to lift more than he had before. His ass exploded from the strain of lifting, he prolapsed - badly.

If you care to take a peek you can find it here: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread...324&page=1 Mind it is very graphic and disturbing, and if you are not into medical things this may give you nightmares for life.

Why do I delve into the realm of anal prolapse? To give you some understanding on how the body works and to demonstrate that other activities other than what you do in the toilet can lead to a stronger or weaker anus and sphincter muscles.

So, if you are a laborer, say construction, doing lots of lifting, squatting and the like, it is highly probable that your anus is a bit tighter than the office boy who's day consists of pushing papers and answering phones. If you work out, lift weights, exercise and strain the abdomen (correctly) changes are you have worked the sphincter muscles and attending muscles without even knowing you have to the point where yes, you are tighter.

Like it or not (Lord know the anti-gay crowd loves to focus on this little factoid) the Anus is not designed to have things go up it. It is designed to have things come out and if anything to work at keeping things from going up. Yes it can be 'trained' to accept, yes it can be 'trained' to relax. The sphincter muscles are muscles, and like most other muscles can be stretched, pulled, and over time trained to relax and tighten more.

Understand that being a bottom is not just having a desire to have your prostate massaged. There is a lot of emotional response to having a man inside of you, and not just sexual pleasure. There is a definite mindset and willingness to be a bottom that also includes a huge helping of trust.

Other minor emotional/mental things play a role, such as the idea that you cease to be a man if you allow another man to treat you like 'a woman'. That can have a huge impact on how relaxed you are. You may not be aware that 'manliness' is playing a roll in your stress levels, but it is there, lurking under a slew of other emotions at the time. Society, if it has done its job, has worked real hard to define and give you concrete beliefs on what its like to be a certain gender.

From the moment we are born we are taught that a penis between the legs is blue (not the penis, but we dress in blue, paint the nursery blue, etc). Wears pants (Ma dressed you in sailor suits didn't she?) You got the sports equipment (Dad didn't bring you a doll now did he?) As you got older the gender-roles were made very clear to you in millions of tiny ways, from 'Big Boys don't dry' to "Boys don't ever, never, ever, ever play with easy bake ovens and dolls."

You are product of all of that, and it will affect your emotional status when laying in bed, even by yourself 'experimenting' with stuff.

You say you are a top. There is a certain mentality that exists when you are a top. This goes well beyond the sexual pleasure of sticking your dick somewhere. It also includes your feelings of dominance, masculinity, etc. A lot of tops are more protective, more willing to be the provider, more attuned to being the leader in and out of bed. They tend to be the one who does the comforting, its your shoulder that needs a head resting on it, the bottom's head tends to need a shoulder to rest against.

Top/Bottom roles are not make believe and they are not just simple sex acts. They are complex emotional expressions and responses.

These are very complex and deep seated emotions, perhaps we are even hardwired for these things via genetics and hormones and the like.

Your 'issue' with accepting an object up the butt may be more complex than just being able to relax the anus enough, you may actually be hard wired to be merely a top.

Its OK to be just a top, don't beat yourself up over about it. :tongue:

[Teox]

lol thanks Bowyn Aerrow and ZackT, good advice.

[Rumble88]

Of course peoples are different. I don't know what can you do about it but its natural. (But i think it shouldn't be so hard to work down there. You might wanna see a doctor.)