You know Rae, age really doesn't matter. If you don't feel up to much socializing, no reason you have to jump right into it. Yes we are social creatures but, sometimes a chat online, or going shopping with a friend once or twice a month is all we want and, that's fine.
No rule says you have to date if you don't feel like it. Relax, just be you and don't let anyone push you into more, or less of a social life than you enjoy.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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I can address the fear of not being with him.
I do not have the answers but, I too, suffer from this feeling, this fear. It winds its way into my mind and grabs hold whispering "Loneliness, all alone." It is bizarre and it quite honestly freaks me out to deal with.
When we truly love someone we love all they are: This may include the smallest details and moments that we hold dear in our hearts.
I do not have the answer, unfortunately. It is like a plague washing over our minds, this kind of loss. But, we some how survive.
I wish you the best with him, your heart and your happiness.
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Blue Wrote:You know Rae, age really doesn't matter. If you don't feel up to much socializing, no reason you have to jump right into it. Yes we are social creatures but, sometimes a chat online, or going shopping with a friend once or twice a month is all we want and, that's fine.
No rule says you have to date if you don't feel like it. Relax, just be you and don't let anyone push you into more, or less of a social life than you enjoy.
Heh, I kinda miss worded it XD
I really want to start dating, and getting a social life. I just struggle a lot with social stuff. I especially struggle with those my age. I mean, G is four and a half years older than me.
But I want to make more friends and maybe a new boyfriend or girlfriend, especially in my area, but that's kinda hard because, to put it simply, a majority of the people are either redneck or 'gangsta'.
Hell, my best friends here are from Russia and England (well, their families are)!
Okay, not I'm kinda rambling.
But I hope my rewording worked XD;;
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Matty, that is pretty much how I feel. I fear loneliness despite having a slight social phobia, so when I find someone I hold close, I become terrified of losing them! G being the biggest example...
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Rae Wrote:Matty, that is pretty much how I feel. I fear loneliness despite having a slight social phobia, so when I find someone I hold close, I become terrified of losing them! G being the biggest example...
Hello. I also have some social phobia myself. It is not always easy for me to get out and about to meet new people or interact in certain, social ways.
I can feel your fear and sadness by how you type your situation, through your words.
Loneliness is one of the scariest realms to be in. I have been in it deeply before and I still struggle with it.
Keep posting your feelings here - There are so many great people here to listen and help. And, it is a good way to vent any frustrations or fears.
Hope you are well.
~Matty~
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Rae Wrote:Thanks everyone
I'm currently trying to figure out how to word this so I don't mess up and sound like I'm mad
I mean, the more I think about it, the more I have to agree that he's probably just freaking out, and me getting mad at him won't help in the slightest
Wording things right has always been a problem for me. I seem to shove my foot in my mouth more times than not, and it has lead to a lot of issues, and I don't want that here.
I love him, and I don't want to lose him even if we just end up being friends.
Rae, if you love him to the point where you can "downgrade" your relationship to a good and healthy friendship, then there's no reason why you two should lose each other. I use the word "downgrade" loosely, even though I see the negative implications of the word. I don't think this change will be negative, on the contrary. Good luck with you settling for something different (but not necessarily less intense)!
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:human beings are victim of the Fairy-tale romance.
We live in a society that imposed unrealistic goals for what a 'good' lovers relationship is. We have no real idea what this love thing is all about, and instead of chick-flicks and fairytales that leave us with the impression that they fell madly and deeply in love forever and ever.
Snow White and Price Charming didn't live happily ever after.
Yeah sure, they fell madly into love. But after a spell the realities of life settled in. Prince Charming had to take a second job in order to pay the mortgage on the castle. Snow White had to deal with the drunken behaviors of the 7 children.
Charming and Snow (who was a strong willed woman) had many fights and arguments, she was tired of being a stay at home mom tending to the needs of the 7 dwarves, he was sick and tired of working two jobs in order to pay the huge mortgage on a castle that the economy pretty much made its 'worth' far less than he initially signed on for.
While the Mother-in-law (Snow's Stepmother) was out of the picture for that particular marriage, Charming mother was a harridan who had old fashion ideas of what a princess did and didn't two, and she didn't much approve of Snow having had other children from the past. Her visits were hellish, no she didn't smash things and scream, it was the sly comments, the barely concealed tone of contempt for Snow that really did a number on the marriage.
With all of the work and all of the stressors, Snow and Charming grew distant. Their bed-time activities closed down to nil and they stopped talking because both felt the other wasn't being heard.
It all ended in divorce because neither one of of them expected love to be a lot of hard work. Neither one of them understood what partnership and sharing of responsibility in a relationship was all about because they relied solely on the story of Sleeping Beauty and Her prince was had been abridged and soften over the retelling presenting Snow and Charming with unrealistic ideals about what this love thing is all about. ...
The reality is there are stages to love: https://www.google.com/#hl=en&safe=off&o...59&bih=858
The reality is that people know how to talk, but few actually know how to effectively communicate: https://www.google.com/#hl=en&safe=off&s...59&bih=858
Sure, you may not have brought 7 little beasts into this marriage of yours, but your relationship does have past issues and problems (from both sides) that influences and effects how you two treat each other.
Sure, you think you have a unique situation because the F2M transition thing, but the reality is all couples have 'something' that is as hard and difficult to deal with that brings with it some change in one (or both) of the individuals.
Yes he wants his space - it is a typical reaction/action when dealing with 'stuff'. And his case may be a bit more unusual due to the influences of how society views his needs/changes - but he is going through the same thing that many others go through in that he needs time to think, needs to weigh the significance of is next actions.
Love goes from hot passionate, 'I have to be in your arms 24/7' to a general 'I like you enough to keep you around because it satisfy me in some way I really don't understand - its comfortable.'
That is how love works, be it straight or LGBT, love modifies, changes, tending to become deeper in many unseen ways while cooling off in the passion department.
Sure, there are couples who really can't stand one another and really can't work anything out. Is that you? Most likely not.
Since he is TG/TS, he most likely is seeing a therapist. If not then he should be. You also need a therapist because frankly, there are going to be a lot of issues and troubles - not because he is TS/TG but because the way society will treat him.
You both also should seriously get a couples counselor to work together on his venture and to learn how to really communicate.
Gotta love this whole "ferry tail", Bowyn, it made me smile... :tongue:....
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