Why does he still reply my text?

[invis85]

Hey guys~

I need help getting an answer from this guy's behaviours...

I dated this guy for about 2 weeks in August. I really like him and I thought we were going well. We texted each other a lot and very frequently. After our last date, he suddenly stopped responding. I texted him the next day and his responses became infrequent and shallow (ie: one word response / one line response). I asked him if he's free on my days off, he replied saying he's busy the rest of the week...

So I took the hint that he's not interested anymore. I logged onto my online dating profile (we met online) and realized he has blocked me from seeing his profile. Kinda bummed out cux I really want to develop something with him.

Contemplated for a week (we didn't talk to each other at all) and realized it wouldn't be a bad idea to have him as a friend cux I really think he has a good head on his shoulder and a well-rounded nice guy. I texted him saying how he's doing and if he's interested to be friends and just hang out some time. He replied yeah let's be friends and said sorry for not messaging me, that he didn't really feel a strong connection with me. So I said I understand but I'm glad we could be friends...and I left it at that...

After the long weekend, I texted him again asking how was his long weekend and did he have fun...which he did. Then I asked if he's free this week to hang out, he said he's going on a trip for the rest of the week...which was fine...
Until when I just saw him on Grindr...clearly did not go on a trip...

Now my question is...why lie? Why does he still respond to my text? If he simply stops replying to my message, I would easily take the hint that he doesn't even want to be friends...in which he agreed to be...

What is he thinking?

[pellaz]

usually there is a lot missing in these posts and makes it an impossible guess what he is thinking.

more important are your thoughts:
he is doing you a fav; if he is this flaky just think the emotional havoc he could cause in a relationship.

[Blue]

First Grindr is for finding a hook up close to you and, is intended for mobile devices, so he could be anywhere and still be on Grindr. Or if he came up in your area, that was the last location the services had for him. It doesn't prove he wasn't on a trip.

The bottom line is, we can't control what others do, we have to ask them directly or we are just guessing at their reason. All we can do is chose how we react and what we do. Decide what you want to do and deal with it in a way that works for you.

[dfiant]

The question shouldn't be 'what is he thinking' it should be what are you thinking?

You were nothing but a hook up for him, he has used you and kicked you to the curb. When people block you it means they don't want you to contact them. Take the hint. Pleanty of fish in the sea and if you let yourself get hung up on this one guy you will miss another real opportunity to meet someone decent

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Obviously the dates were all he wanted, or through the dates he figured out that you were not exactly what he wants/needs.

'Date' is one of those words that confuse me. In my mind a date is a movie/dinner perhaps theater with no sex involved. However I have seen date to be used as an euphemism for "sex".

If your dates were of the old fashion variety, (movie, dinner, whatever - NO sex) perhaps during the course of conversations he felt you two were not connecting thus no long term prospects where there to be found.

Ideally he should have told you, 'Well it was nice, but I am actually looking for something different'. But the reality is that few people are that open and honest, and they usually tell 'white lies' in order to get out of further dates.

IF sex was involved, then most likely (since he is a member of the Grindr) he is only looking for sex, and doesn't want to get involved with the butt/dick he has been intimate with. I have no idea what site you are going through however the other adverts should be a clue as to what men expect from the site.

Yes you hit it off and felt there was a chance for more.

I don't think he did, I mean the clues are really hard to follow here. Blocking people from your profile is really one of those difficult signals to read.... :tongue:

I have discovered that humans tend to have issues with full, open honesty and real communication. They say they want one thing, when in fact they want something else. They say they are interested in sports, mechanics, gardening, camping, hunting when the truth is they hate nature and wish it would all go away. They lie in order to 'get' what they think they want - be it a large dick, a sense of stability, financial gain - whatever.

This is typical human behavior. Gay, Straight, Bi - purple with orange polka-dots.

There are the rarer gems that are open, honest, know what they want and will communicate their real intent.

Obviously he is not one of the rarer gems, and honestly, he did you a great service by shutting you out. Not only has he made his intentions known, but (if you take anything from this as a lesson hard learned) - he has also showed you what you should expect from many, perhaps the majority out there.

IF you are looking for relationship, love, romance, long term commitment, you can and most likely should set a 30 day no sex policy. That policy is not a nonverbal agreement that your potential suitors are supposed to guess. It is one of the things you say on the first meeting/conversation: I have a strict 30 day no sex policy, because I'm really interesting in getting to know you before we take it to the next level.

This tends to send the sex-hunters packing. The majority will drop it, smile, say thanks and move on. Yes a few are a bit more persistent, since for them sex is a challenge and you are conquest to be made. However through the course of 30 days, if you are open and honest and talk, his actions, behaviors and words will tell you he is a 'conquer' seeking to get what he wants, another notch on the bedpost.

Yes a few can slip by and make it past the 30 day mark. It happens.

IF, on the other hand you are looking for 'just sex' then do not expect more from the other men who are also looking for 'just sex'. Most will not be open minded to accept 'accidental' love and the ones who may have accidental love most likely were burned in the past and will run as far away from you as possible. Burned, like you have recently been.

Know what it is you want, and don't be afraid to tell potential suitors 'this is what I want here'.

Set reasonable protections for yourself. Like the 30 day no sex policy. Also make it clear in the opening moves that you do not tolerate lying, cheating, whatever it is that is part of your three 'must haves' in a man.

While having these three 'rules' will not protect you totally, they will go a long way at removing a lot of potentially 'bad' matches.

[invis85]

Thank you for your input, especially Bowyn! I like your 30 day rule...I have similar...more like 5 dates rule.

I must say I am a bit bummed out still. It's pretty hard to make friends. That's why when he said 'ya let's be friends', I was really thinking he would wanna stay in touch as friends.

What I'm asking here is, if he could simply ignore my texts (which would be the most obvious hint for me to stop texting), why would he agree to be friends, but give me some fake reasons to avoid hanging out? Why reply if you don't mean to?

[Blue]

Some people get a thrill out of stringing people along. Some think it gives them bragging rights to have hook up contacts wherever they go.

Some people are like this