First Time Relationship.

[zed05]

Hi! I'm back.
I previously posted bout a guy I had a pseudo-relationship with,
and practically gave up on that subject.

But hey! God gave me someone.
He showed up just when I was about to give up on love, life, and work.
He made me happy, genuinely happy.

We got together. And today, kinda marks our 10th day into this relationship.
Yes, a very very fresh start.

So why am I posting here?
Coz, we just got our first bump on the road.


I dunno, but he says its my fault, and I honestly feel that I am indeed at fault.
I'm 21, he's 24. He's very straight acting. He likes chubs like me.
He's very independent. He's very sweet. He's very outspoken, and he's outgoing.

He is the total opposite of me.
I'm very very shy. I don't want people to know I'm in a relationship.
When we go out, I don't wanna act all sweet and stuff coz I'm afraid we mnight catch other peoples attention.

Yesterday, his sister was rushed to the hospital coz of appendicitis.
I know he aint doing well, and I know I had to say something to comfort him, but I didn't know what to say. Then earlier, this morning, he called up, I just got up, and my senses isn't really awake yet.

I asked if he had already eaten breakfast, and told him to do so.
He sounded sleepy too, so I asked if he was sleepy, and he said "No, you're just too boring to talk to."
Bam, he hung up.

Then, I texted him, and said, "I'm sorry if I'm boring you out."
Got a reply from him, he said, "I've been cheering you up all day long.
All day long. How about me? I have my downtime and I need you.
Stop talking about how boring and how negative you are. Coz im doing my best as your PARTNER to clear it out. Damn Zed, damn. For once grow up."
Then a lot of texts from him, about how I'm not really exerting an effort to keep our relationship and stuff.
Next thing I know I found myself crying, texting him, and calling him, but no reply, and he doesn't answer.
Now, I don't know what to do.
I know I'm not sweet. I am childish, and I'm not perfect, and I don't know why he doesn't see, that I am really trying to be a great partner. But, apparently, it aint enough.
Please help me. What should I do?
Any tips from those introverts here like me?
What did you do on your first relationship?

[Blue]

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you tow mesh very well at all. Yes opposites can attract, but behind all the opposites there has to be some commonalities and those opposites need to be once that compliment each other.

Yes he overreacted a bit, but that's just a symptom of the core problem. Your maturity levels are just too far apart to work together. He's bold, honest and outspoken, one of those people that says what he thinks, rather bluntly at times. You don'y handle that well and dwell on it longer than he thinks you should. I also think he's an action person. He told you what he thought the problem was - two of them actually and, rather than hearing you apologize and go on about it. He wanted a more mature "Okay, what can I do to fix those things?" or "Okay, I'll work on those things." and that would be the end of it, you'd go on and make efforts to fix the problem, ask for his help when you got stuck and needed a new way to go about it.

I don't handle immaturity well, and I am one of those people that simply tells you what I don't like, and I expect you to either know how to fix it, or, to ask me what would please me if you don't know how to fix it, then put the fixing into action. Apologizing for something you can fix if you want to, sounds more like a cop out to me. Like saying "It's how i am and I'm not going to change." Okay, that's fine too, but don't expect me to peruse a relationship with someone I know will never be compatible with me.

Where I think he made a mistake is in being silent rather than telling you exactly what he was thinking and feeling. Were I in your place, I'd confront him and get honest answers, but that's me. All i can tell you is to do what you think is best, but it doesn't sound like you two really fit together very well personality wise.

I'm not trying to upset you, just giving you my honest opinion, for whatever it's worth to you.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

10 days and you two are already 'arguing' over infantile stuff?

1. If he is very straight acting, which I will assume means 'masculine' then he might not be all into the emotional chit chat crap you emotional types are into.

If he is 'manly manish' then most likely he isn't going to want to talk about emotions. Period. Nor is he going to react to sad things with sadness he will react with anger. Or fearful things with fear, he will react with anger. He is a man, men don't cry, men don't fear.

2. Telling someone to do something sounds remarkably like an order. Thus telling him to eat something when he is most likely angry (sad over his sister, worried over his sister - it all is translated and expressed as anger) is going to lead to real anger.

3. "Damn Zed for once grow up!" What the???? You two have only been a couple for 10 days - you act like you have been together for ten years and you know how he typically behaves inside and out.

4. You both need to take those cell phones to the nearest river and throw them both into the fricking river!

Text messaging for important, emotional crap is the very worst thing you or anyone else can do. This sort of conversation needs to be done face to face, with full attention to where you can hear each others voices.

Sarcasm, humor and other things don't play over text. Most people rarely say what is completely on their mind, so we rely on body language, facial expressions and tone of voice to relay tons of data that a text message can never, ever, ever relay.

5. Your downtime? Your needs? Seriously was it your sister at ER probably close to death with a very real chance that things could have gone badly?

10 days and you are all about 'me, me, me'.

10 days and you need 'down time' ?

10 days? Just ten measly 24 hour periods....

In all honesty I can't see this relationship going far... Sorry.

[RockerBlocks]

I asked if he had already eaten breakfast, and told him to do so.
He sounded sleepy too, so I asked if he was sleepy, and he said "No, you're just too boring to talk to."
Bam, he hung up.

If this is the way he is treating you, It's not right what so ever.
There are better ways to express how you truly feel rather then making the other feel like crap

[East]

Yesterday, his sister was rushed to the hospital coz of appendicitis.
I know he aint doing well, and I know I had to say something to comfort him, but I didn't know what to say

There is the core of your problem....if you dont' have natural empathy you can develop some by practicing placing yourself in the other person's shoes and imagining what kind of comfort or words you would appreciate. It really is important and emotional support is an essential ingredient to any relationship.

Got a reply from him, he said, "I've been cheering you up all day long.

This suggests to me he resents cheering you up...when it is HE who needs cheering up. Again...empathy...you need to develop some....

That's my tip. I think you need to address this ASAP before you worry about anything else.

Good Luckmile:

[watkins]

To me it sounds like he is not actually as independent as you might think and wants you to cheer him up. Just because he is outspoken doesn't mean he isnt vulnerable.

My one piece of advice is to stop having stupid little text arguments. Things can get so misunderstood when texted so call him if you want to sort something out.

[pellaz]

your situation sounds like me.

it takes two to have an argument, YOU step up and be the one to say yessss sir/ thank you and go on with the relationship. If you dont like how things are running, in a calmer time, talk to him on your needs. He is not family and you cant behave like a snotty child. you or HE can leave just like that/ gone; so wait for the big deal breakers to consider hitting the bail exit button. Dont let things accumulate either.

a gay relationship is usually pressures both boys to come out.
if you go out people KNOW
-both of you are gay
-your a couple
-you have sex
so along those lines, in a gay affirming environment, express your love to your partner and plant a wet kiss on his face.


straight relationships, the other 95%, are based on differences. They seem to more than workout.
there is a new normal; part of the reality is being gay is just a sexual preference
there are gay men who are straight acting and work on cars with pink latex cloves, there are gay men who listen to Lady Gaga while riding a sportbike and a mix of everything under the sun. be aware what you bring to the table (good or bad) in the relationship.