Palimony...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm wondering if anyone had personal or at lest second hand knowledge about palimony.

It was something the Attorney mentioned as a way for me to go. However hearing him go on and on and on about the matter I am really uncertain if this is a valid/reasonable option.

Perhaps if I heard of others who have gone this route it can help make up my mind.

BTW - We have a lot of legal crap to undo. Sheesh.

[Blue]

Yeah, that's the route I went when my last ex and I split. Our fiances were pretty integrated and, I wanted the protection of a legal agreement. Neither of us needed ongoing payments so, that was left out, but assets, jointly owned property, vehicles and such were all included.

The cost depends on your lawyer and, how much is actually involved. For me it was 1500 plus court fees and, there were investment accounts, a semi and the authority, insurance and all that goes with that, and though I had purchased this property before we got together, I did add him to the deed for my property and home.

Rather tan payments over time, we agreed to certain assets and, me reimbursing him in a lump sum for his contributions to what ended up mine that were above the value of what he got.

Basically, it's a no contest divorce, worked out with both of you and, a lawyer, then signed by a judge. Every bit as binding as a divorce and good to have when so much is tangled up as a couple but, make sure you include a no retort clause. That prevents either of you from dragging the other back to court and trying to get more than was originally agreed upon.

It isn't like a divorce in that you can't drag it out in court, you both have to agree willingly to the settlement arrangements, or at most work with an arbitrator, if he wants to be nasty about it.

David, in your place I would do it. You've got limited enough resources and, enough joint thing that need to be separated that, I having that legal protection would give you peace of mind in the future. It also makes you both sit down and be fair about who gets what, with the input of you objective lawyer.

Gather up everything, some decisions will be obvious so, make a note of those, the rest get your lawyer's advice as to what is as fair and reasonable as possible in your situation. Include living arrangements, if you want him as a roommate, fine, if not then stipulate that he is to vacate by a set date. Either way decide what you will provide and what he is to provide financially while he is still under your roof.

Summary: In my opinion, you have too much shit tied together not to do it, for your own protection and peace of mind.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Retort clause - Ah a form of tart... I like tarts....



OK that is the extent of my legal knowledge in a hand-basket (actually in a lovely pastry shell).

The problem is that attorneys are fast talkers and they throw out all of this information and my mind just can't absorb and process all of that legal crap in one huge lump. Near the end of the meeting I had the sick sensation I was about to get my arse reamed without lube.

Somebody is fighting this though. Refusing to discuss 'Mine, Yours, ours' and playing real stupid at the attorney's office. My gut tells me that 'no contest' isn't in the cards.

I have this gut feeling that someone is going to work as hard as possible to make this as large of a messy deal as possible. He knows I have a weak spot for 'messy' -meaning I have been known to cave when things get too messy or full of drama.

But we will try.

If anything I can clean the bow, if an arrow accidentally discharges oh well....

[Blue]

Want to borrow one of my bows? Harder to trace that way.

As for "Mr. But..." over there, can we just inject him with some mature logic about all of this?

Talk with your lawyer, don't let him play dumb, drag him to a mediator if you have to. I know it's a mess, and per ^^ you don't do that well but, I think you need to dig up that box of perseverance and patience and, use all of it here. Don't let him take advantage of you.

14 years is more than long enough for him to know your weaknesses and exactly how to push all the wrong buttons for you, right ones for him. Don't let him do it, lock the covers on those buttons and just push the one that says "Do this right, David."

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes Sir.

Want to borrow one of my bows? Harder to trace that way.

As for "Mr. But..." over there, can we just inject him with some mature logic about all of this?

Talk with your lawyer, don't let him play dumb, drag him to a mediator if you have to. I know it's a mess, and per ^^ you don't do that well but, I think you need to dig up that box of perseverance and patience and, use all of it here. Don't let him take advantage of you.

14 years is more than long enough for him to know your weaknesses and exactly how to push all the wrong buttons for you, right ones for him. Don't let him do it, lock the covers on those buttons and just push the one that says "Do this right, David."

[Maverick]

I totally agree with Blue, try your best to be strong and don't allow him to manipulate you into an unfair settlement. I know what you mean about caving when it gets messy, it's not fun, but don't allow him to win here, he's already done enough damage with his actions in the relationship. Hang in there, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel...

[pellaz]

Really appreciate this post.
My partner and I were interested in the same sort of thing. We are just starting. I am really terrified to put anyone on a title w/o a separation agreement. There would be a sound reasonable financial reason to do this tho. I recently went through a straight divorce so I have respect for the process. Its fun to talk but un ethical situations dont cut it.

Before I do a google search my self, anyone have any known examples of what the text might look like for a gay couple.

Good or bad my partner is a legal assistant paralegal so no shortage of lawyers in this house. I have seen this crew at work and they do excellent work. Just dont want to be on the receiving side. because I recently went through a straight divorce. Would be nice to build in a penalty for the person initiating the separation

laws in the US and the UK are similar, maybe this helps someone:
-rember agreements like a general will, power of attorney and or right to control medical decisions and information
-rember to establish co habitation by putting joint names on utility bills, rent agreements.
-establish a joint credit card(s) and or bank account(s) even if unUsed.

this is me too:

[Blue]

Here is a sample domestic partnership agreement and, some tips on what to include aside from the basics.

http://www.sphinxlegal.com/products/arti...ments.html

Getting out of one depends on the state laws, but it can end up being a divorce, and under some circumstance, in some states, divorce law in fact does apply to dissolving the partnership.

If you are going to do it, think carefully. Don't get into a legal partnership without doing some sort of prenuptial agreement first - getting out is a mess if you don't as two of here have learned/ are learning that hard way.

[pellaz]

indeed serious stuff
I just recently got done with a straight divorce, last year. The process is better understood legally but still took me about a year and a half +. As much as i love my partner i am torn on the nature of what i most likely will do to my self again.

I was married n 1996 and things fell apart about 2002. I came out to myself as gay. I took my time (years) to actually start the process. Still no aspect of any of this was fun and a lot of emotion.

divorce/ separation; I hate to think how this feels like, doing it in less time, months instead of years but everyone has their needs.

[Blue]

So true Pellaz, and for some of us, dragging it out is worse that it all coming hard and fast. We do better if we can get through the worst of the storm quickly.

I hope no one else ever has to go through anything close to this, I wish Bowyn didn't have to do it. No one deserves this sort of thing but, maybe me a few months ago and, now Bowyn having to go "Tsunami Surfing" will help some of you at least make wiser choices and, be a bit more careful with the legalities that we were.