Like others here have pretty much said, it is possible to out-think depression, but you need the tools to be able do do that. You have to understand the reasons behind it, and what triggered the lattest bouts, and know what works for you to combat all of that.
The best place to get those tools and, learn those things is a therapist's office, with a therapist you can work with. Sure it gets to a point where you no longer need a therapist, and none of them have anything new to offer you but, right now, I think you need to find one and get some good tools and knowledge in place. Those things will be invaluable throughout your life.
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Zet. Don't put yourself down. Don't recite the words of someone who is nothing but an imposter, a false reality. You aren't a failure. I felt the same way for the past 3 years. I've been up and down the bloody rollercoaster more than enough. Right now i just got my first stable job through sheer determination. I thought I was a loser too, that no one would ever love me, and that I was going to die a silent death alone. That wasn't the truth and it's up to you and me to make sure it never comes true. I won't sugar coat it Zet. You'll have to work for your value. But i assure you, you will be proud of yourself and love yourself once you look at the big picture. You say there is nothing left for you. I say the whole world is waiting to meet the real you. Mr. lovely is also looking for you too! Don't let him wait any longer. Get active. Focus. Don't be upset if you miss the first few shots. Everyone does. If you really try hard and put your best foot forward ( and show a little ass *wink wink*) You'll get what you deserve. You say give me no pity or grief. I say fine. I will give you something else. Truth. Open your eyes and take a long good look at your world. How can you improve it? How can you fix your dilemnnas. A little thought and elbow grease go a long way. I don't usually post long stuff like this but your words have plucked a chord on a dusty guitar. I know youre cool so go be---well----Cool!!!
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Putting on a mask of happiness is generally what im very good at, specially fooling people into thinking everything is fine.
I tell people not to bottle feelings up and stuff, but when it comes to myself, i tend to contradict what i advise others to do.
I do have a optimistic attitude to life, but i will admit i have my down moments, and i make sure its whenever no one else is around normally.
That said though, life's gift is one thing, that which is given to us at birth, the right to live. The course of life however is what we, make of it. Some people do get more privilaged lives and some dont even realise it til they basically loose it.
You are worth more than you can even understand. I see no value in my life no more, the way im treated sometimes i dont even see why im still living sometimes, but hell i vowed along time ago, to myself, that i wouldnt leave this world without at least leaving my mark, i would go out with a bang and i am dead set on doing that.
Value in our own lives is what we decide to put into it. The judgements and opinions of others are nothing compared to the plans we make ourselves, for not every person plan in life is the same.
I hold secrets, even from my fiancè, not because i like holding them, but i do it out of protection for the people i love, because seeing them happy makes me happy. When people are telling stories of their lives to each other, i sit in silence and just listen picking up on things that i think might be good for myself.
Sitting in the background doesnt help though, you do need to throw yourself out there sometimes, do embarrassing things, make yourself known. I spent a large chunk of my life already in depression, wasnt til i stood up, said enough is enough and now i throw my energy into making sure im noticed, im here and i exist, as much as you do Zet.
You need to stand up, stand up and make yourself known, show people your not a walk over, smile to the things that make "YOU" happy and not other people. Need to show what make your feel alive (in my case i tend to talk literal gibberish ask Corsac if you dont believe me)
Be loud, be proud, because life is too short to feel worthless, because if you stand tall, your friends will more likely follow you, than you following them, or so thats what i discovered.
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