should on line dating sites remove their check box for HIV status?
YES
because that is the first thing you ask a date un less you are positive than its the first thing you tell your date. You should be asking when was your date last tested, what is his sexual habits like?
-a high percentage of members will not admit to it or dont know
-its a public admission to a pre existing medical condition, bad for US residents looking to change medical coverage.
NO
-same as any superficial dating question like eye color
-it really really matters
-they should add more information; like HEP-C, when tested, type of test...
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WOW...I hope this isn't one of those moments when I am completely naive...but I have never even heard of anything like that nor ever seen any kind of box...what am I missing?
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Most gay sites ask your HIV status. It isn't a big deal to me, considering some will lie and answer negative, when they are positive anyway.
Not that it really matters to me. If I met a great guy whom I thought would be a great partner and, he were positive, it wouldn't stop me form perusing a relationship. I'd just want to know so I know what precautions to take and, have an idea of the potential medial issues we'd have to face.
I'm not out for a one night stand, so wouldn't be risking hooking up unaware and, I'd want fresh test that I could see the results of, just to confirm either positive or negative. I'd hope he asked the same of me, just shows me that, even if he did mess up, or someone else betrayed him and he ended up positive, he cares enough about himself and me to get it out in the open before we do anything that might be risky.
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I suppose my answer would depend on the "type" of website in question.
If I'm looking for hook ups then, yeah, I want to know your status and I'm going to automatically tell you I'm DDF (Drug and Disease Free) and looking for the same.
But if I'm on a website like Match.com and looking for a LTR (Long Term Relationship), well, there's time to find out over coffee or lunch or during a long walk...
And I guess in the interest of full disclosure, yes, I'm NEG, and yes, I have hooked up with a POZ guy. But I was very clear about what I was comfortable with and where I would draw the line.
Bottom line, POZ guys need love too, and I'm smart enough to protect myself, BUT I NEED TO KNOW!
Final comment, after a little reflection, I must admit the 6 months after being with a POZ guy for the first time is very stressful. I got tested at 3 months after and 6 months after. I'm NEG. Perhaps with a little practice it could be easier, but since I'm not looking for hook ups anymore I'm glad I don't have to worry about it.
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OK...now I "get it"...not really interested in any other gay site. I have zero interest in hooking up with anyone.
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After spending the past 12 years in a three way relationship (Him, Me and (his) HIV). I have mixed feelings on the whole matter of if its something that should be out there or not.
If I turn to websites to start dating, I would immediately remove HIV+ people off the list of potential mates. Understand, I have lived with HIV in the household for 12 very, very long years, I know what it is like being in a mixed relationship like that. I'm not going down that road again.
Should it be on Dating sites?
Unknown. I would like to know what I might be facing before I answer an advert. Since HIV status has become one of my important boundaries I will not cross, knowing before I respond to an ad would save a lot of time and trouble.
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I might change my tune if I ever have to deal with it in a relationship but, one of my ex's did have Hep- C and, it was hard at times, but manageable.
The problem with dating sites asking for HIV status is that a lot of people assume positive means promiscuous and careless. While that's frequently the case, it isn't always. There are other ways to end up positive. I wouldn't rule someone out as a potential partner based on HIV status for that reason.
I can understand not wanting to deal with it though. I don't particularly WANT to deal with Hep-C again but, for the right man I would. Same for HIV, not my ideal, but not a deal breaker either.
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I would say no but, having said that, you can't always rely on other peoples' honesty.
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I don't see them asking about your HIV status for hetero-sites, and i think it should work both ways.
I think it's just a bit too personal of a question to ask and I happen to use a condom every time - safety should be at user-end not on a dating site.
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