Looking for the Right things to say....

[Rasque]

Hi everyone,

I am the father of a gay man and I am just kind of looking for some advice on how to encourage my son who is still in the closet and be support as he struggles with coming out. I feel like a giant baffoon, I am an educated man and I feel like I am in a foreign land talking jibberish. LOL.

[writerken]

I'm not sure you can encourage him to come out. He's going to do that when he's good and ready... or not. It's great that he has your support. mile:

[Blue]

Hi Rasque, welcome to the forum.

First, I think you are doing right by your son in coming here to see first hand what other gay men have to say.

You can't force him to come out, he has to do that in his own way and, in his own time, to whom he chooses to come out to. What you can do is be there, be sure he knows that even if every friend he has rejects him, you won't, he will have his family no matter how anyone else reacts to him coming out.

Just be available to him and, support him whether he decides to come out or not, don't try to push the issue. Let your son decide what is right for him and, when it's comfortable for him to come out.

There are some excellent books out there that might be of interest to you both as well. One I recommend is Farm Boys, it's a biography of what gays in a rural, pretty fundamental community go through.

[Marc]

I'm not sure you can encourage him to come out. He's going to do that when he's good and ready... or not. It's great that he has your support. mile:

I agree.

Well said Ken.

[ChadCoxRox]

just keep showing him you love him on purpose and randomly too...
he'll know more by what you do than what you say...but saying can mean so much.
follow your heart more so than anyone's feedback because it sounds like he can and likely does already trust that.
you are a special man and I love you for your effort and care.

[ChadCoxRox]

introduce him to GS!!! We'll be an awesome support for him no matter how he decides to proceed...

[princealbertofb]

Hello, Rasque and to GaySpeak... May I ask how you know that your son is gay? Have you found out through some of his friends, the sites he visits, the kind of literature he reads or peruses?

How old is this son of yours? Does he still live with you or has he flown the coop?
I have a few ideas to impart but I'll need some of those details first, so I don't go all over the place... Feel free to disclose what you know.

[princealbertofb]

Maybe you could join a PFLAG group near you, if there is one, or find a website concerning parent of LGBT people... ?

[archubbycub]

Wow!! Rasque I'm so jealous of your son right now!! I wish my dad was as supportive of me when it comes to my sexuality!

[East]

I will add another perspective to the chorus here....

I would think the ideal circumstance would be to make it a total non issue. You will be doing your son a HUGE FAVOR if you can do this because one's sexuality should be a non issue.

I have lived my life as a gay man and viewed it as a non issue and I have had a very minimal amount of angst...if any...due to my sexuality...so I know of what I speak:biggrin:

Also...as others have said...do let him come out on his own terms and in his own time. If you want to let him know you support him....make a few general comments about gay marriage being a non issue (assuming you think it is).