10-14-2012, 08:24 PM
First Time:
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!" Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
Second Time:
Two hunters are in the woods in deer season. The morning hunt over, they head back to camp together. As they make their way along the path, they hear a loud crashing noise and look up to see a very large bear charging down a hillside. Realizing simultaneously, that they are the bear's intended targets, not to mention lunch, one of the hunters immediately takes off his back pack, drops to the ground and begins to change from his hunting boots to tennis shoes. The other hunter bewildered asks "You don't really think you can out run that bear do you?" The first hunter replies, "No, but I can outrun you."
Third Time:
A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
... There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!" Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
Second Time:
Two hunters are in the woods in deer season. The morning hunt over, they head back to camp together. As they make their way along the path, they hear a loud crashing noise and look up to see a very large bear charging down a hillside. Realizing simultaneously, that they are the bear's intended targets, not to mention lunch, one of the hunters immediately takes off his back pack, drops to the ground and begins to change from his hunting boots to tennis shoes. The other hunter bewildered asks "You don't really think you can out run that bear do you?" The first hunter replies, "No, but I can outrun you."
Third Time:
A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
... There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
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