Ok! I'm not proud of this, but two months ago, after quitting for six years, I started smoking aging. I tried to tell myself that it was due to all the stress in my life, and I know that's no excuse, but now that I've started, I can't seem to quit. I don't like smoking, but it SEEMS to help with the stress. I know I want to quit, it's just convincing my head and body that I don't need them!
Try electronic cigs. It worked for me. You will want 2-4 batteries and 10 cartridges (the filter part) to start with. (that's around 60.00) then you need to order refill liquid. (52.00 with shipping for an 8-12 month supply - 300 ml.)
You have the flavor - very close to what a fresh pack of your brand smells like. You have the nicotine but, no carcinogens and, none of the chemicals that make the nicotine stay in your system longer. It's easier to quit off just nicotine than off all of the chemicals at once.
It took me two years, but it worked without withdraws, cravings or any of the usual problems quitting causes. Beside, even if you never got off e-cigs, it's less expensive and, better for you than smoking real cigs.
PM me if you want a link to where to buy e-cigs and refill liquid.
You are describing the very reason quitting is SO hard. Nicotine dependence is one monster in and of itself, but "smoking" dependence is more than just the chemical addiction.
"Recovery" for this addiction is much the same as any other. Since you already accept the problem you must remember some simple rules for "more success" and "less failure" along the way to being totally smoke free. If you've done it before then you likely have experienced these natural rules.
The first is you must be accepting of the problem, the true "nature" and "process" of it, in a deliberate, on purpose, intentional way daily and ongoing. Applying structured, strategic discipline to this concept can involve MANY different tactics both physical and mental, internal and external. The more creative, deliberate and disciplined you are with this aspect the more the "training" will be reinforced with experience and feed/fuel not only abstinence but many of the other wonderful rewards of the recovery effort. WAIT! You know what? I can spend all this time typing away but I've just remembered a wonderful resource that might cut to the chase and not require such a belabored recovery effort!!!
I quit for 2 years in the 70s but started again. Almost every day for that two years I wanted a fag. Dec 1st I will have reached another 2 years without a fag, from 40 a day. This time I won't be starting again. At £7 for a pack of 20, my bank manager loves me.
I hear ya Bowyn, stop this and give up that so you live 10 years longer - so you can be miserable because you can't have a darned thing you want for those 10 years. Maybe not such a good idea.