Relationship with a masseur

[pistol123]

Hey guys ;

I live in a community where homosexuality is considered a taboo and forbidden completely. That is why I am seeking advice from anyone who can relate to my situation. I met a masseur about 10 months ago. To tell the truth, I was browsing the net and accidently saw his profile online. Went to see him and we seems to have chemistry. At first we just hook up casually but eventually I fall in love with him. We became very close. After a few months, I ask him whether he loves me and he hesitated. Until one day he told me that his profession doesn't allow him to love anybody. I asked him to leave his current profession and concentrate on his day job which I think is more than enough to support his life. But he refuses. He said that being a masseur is who he is and he doesn't want to change at all. I begin to think that he is just using me to get money and live a luxury life. I did told him that I do not want to interfere with his life but I do expect that he change his profession for the sake of the relationship. Well I guess I was wrong. Some of my friends told me that relationship needs sacrifice and I have to give it time. While some says for me to abandon the relationship before it gets too complicated. What do you think? Should I give him more chances or should I just end this before it gets worse.
Thank you all....

[Blue]

Well, if you can't handle him as he is 100%, and quit trying to change him, then I would suggest you get out of the relationship, for the good of both of you.

If you want to stay with him, then accept him as he is 100% and let him be himself. If you feel you need to change him to make him be the right one, then he isn't the right one.

[Marc]

Its a tough question this.
There are so many bits of information you have left out.
Like you say you give him money, what for?
A general massage, sex?

If he is a genuine masseuse, then that is a legitimate job, that many people do, and is completely innocent.
How ever, if it involves sex, then legally and morally you have to wonder if you could ever trust this person, let alone have a happy, honest relationship with him.

Relationships are based on trust and give 'n' take.
If he is a legitimate massage therapist, then you have no right to ask him to give up the job he has trained and worked for, however if he is using it as a pretence for prostitution, then you have every right to say its Me or the Job.

I personally think you should walk away before you get any deeper involved and get hurt.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but this sounds to me like he has sucked you in and got you where he wants you.

We have all fallen for the wrong person, don't blame yourself, move on and find a guy who can be honest and love you unconditionaly. You will find 1.

xxxxxx

[pistol123]

Hey Marc and Blue ;

Thanks for the comment.
Well to answer your question. Yes.. I do gave him money. Not for sex but to buy things like shoes, handphones and a lot more. I guess I was wrong to begin with. Well... usually when it comes to gay masseurs here, it always involve sex. I actually knew about it with him but at first i just ignore it hoping that i can forget about it and he eventually will leave that profession. To tell the truth, rationally I truly think that you are right Marc. I am stupid to think that he would change just for me. I think he enjoy doing it. What was I thinking. Oh god... I made a huge mistake and its just too hard to let go.....

[lizzielee]

Hey Marc and Blue ;

Thanks for the comment.
Well to answer your question. Yes.. I do gave him money. Not for sex but to buy things like shoes, handphones and a lot more. I guess I was wrong to begin with. Well... usually when it comes to gay masseurs here, it always involve sex. I actually knew about it with him but at first i just ignore it hoping that i can forget about it and he eventually will leave that profession. To tell the truth, rationally I truly think that you are right Marc. I am stupid to think that he would change just for me. I think he enjoy doing it. What was I thinking. Oh god... I made a huge mistake and its just too hard to let go.....

I think you are right in the way you see it now and I hope it all works out well for you....
take care....

[Rainbowmum]

When you fall in love with someone , you fall in love with who they are , not for who you want them to be.
You told him you love him and he did not tell you the same thing.
Time to move on.

[ChadCoxRox]

This reminds me of the saying, "if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it IS a duck." I don't know you but I wonder if you deserve better than the relationship you describe. I wonder if you realize that you are not the only one who is seeing and enjoying the company of this masseur and probably not the only one buying him gifts and feeling irrational love for him? Welcome to GS and I hope you'll find some clarity and friendship here!

[bryandurel]

you should just buy those gifts for him directly rather than give him money for it and see how it goes.

[pistol123]

Thank you everyone....