Getting past the first date

[Philly1978]

Recently I have been having trouble getting past the first date.
I truthfully don't understand why guys ask me out then blow me off. We have good conversation, but for some reason there is no "spark". Either that or they are just looking for one thing. I don't find myself unattractive, but there must be some reason there is only one date.

[ThatRobGuy]

Are these dates with guys you met online?

I ask because that's where my experience lies and I've had about as many one-and-dones with guys online as I have second dates; I think that's just the nature of online dating. Chemistry doesn't always translate from the internet to reality. Also, like you said, they may only be looking for one thing and if they get the impression you aren't just going to give it up easily, they may move on quickly.

I wouldn't be discouraged. Just keep looking and the right one will come along eventually. I know this is cliche advice, but it really is true. Everyone finds someone they click with eventually.

[jsprplc2006]

I've given the online dating thing a whirl myself, and I can actually tell you just about exactly why I didn't go out a second time with some of them.

Person A: His picture vastly misrepresented his appearance, and I felt lied to. I talked to him for a while, but it wasn't the person I had met/chatted with online.

Person B: When I met him, I discovered that he was INSANELY insecure. He apologized for being "awkward" probably fifty times in the two hours we hung out, and it felt like an eternity. It took too much energy to constantly reassure him he wasn't doing anything wrong. I'm sure others can appreciate the irony of this case....

Person C and D: Both lied about their age. That's a lousy tactic, even if you're a nice person, and it's a little lie. There was a 16 y.o. claiming to be 19, and a 26 y.o. claiming to be 21. If people lie so freely, I question their integrity.

Honestly though, I think the biggest thing is people being way too awkward or nervous. Meeting someone of the internet is nerve-wracking enough, without having to deal with the other person acting strangely for the same reason.

[leer]

had similar problem with my first few dates just the two of us bowling and stuff & it was hell kept looking at his watch checking his phone . we then met up with a bunch of mates and things were allot better after a few dates like that we met up again just the two of us and we were all over one another .

[Blue]

If it's online, well that explains it. I think most that use online services do so because they have a hard time meeting people in real life for whatever reasons. Yes some can be things like a disability, where they live or, just not into the club scene and, that's fine but, some can be because they want an instant connection, want a one night stand, just want sex, etc..

Personally I think it's better to make friends first - be that on or off line. People on dating sites are not looking for "just" friends so, I don't do dating sites. Now I have met friends online and, though only twice has that led to even the possibility of more (once an actual relationship and one, not sure yet.) I think it has some advantages.

Meeting with only text lets you get to know the person without worry about looks, where they live, how they keep house etc... all of those little things that might be an initial turn off, if you knew those things before you knew the person and, all of those things that don't really matter once you get to know who the person is and, come to understand a bit about why they might be as they are.

So, my advice, stop dating and start making friends, then when one of those does turn into more, it's worth it and, you've made some good friends along the way.

[EternalYouAndI]

I nearly went down the same road as you. Questioning "is it me?" "there must be something repulsive about me!" I used some pretty strong and firm logical reasoning though to not doubt myself, to recognise and feelmy attractiveness, regardless of anyone else's opinions. I also remembered times when people did want to be with me, and I recognised something... in those times, I was not LOOKING for a relationship. I was just chilled and enjoying life and everything I was doing. I am 26 but only just in the last two years getting into the dating scene properly and it's hard. You can put in a lot and end up with nothing and it is gutting. Just as gutting when you have to let someone down. It is just part of it. As Blue says, go out for friends, enjoy life and be open. Also remember, everyone has issues, even those who make out they don't, so some people perhaps cannot deal with someone genuinely wanting a real connection. It is scary.