Still feel slight guilt after orgasm

[Alex9112]

I'm not used to talking about stuff this personal, but this looks like just the place for that. Ok so to make a long story short I just came out to myself 2 months ago. Early on when I was 11 I would masturbate thinking about the guys I had seen in school. However, at orgasm I was overcome by guilt because I didn't want to be gay.

I dealt with the problem by thinking of a female in the end. It actually made the experience very pleasurable. While I still couldn't think about females through the whole experience without lots of effort, I felt good in the end because as far as my mind cared I had had sex with a female.

The problem with this was that I couldn't develop crushes on guys because I had locked my emotions up so deep inside. All I felt was physical lust. This was bad because I had no way to relieve my sexual frustration. Finally a few months ago I asked myself who I was fooling and told myself it was ok to be gay. Finally, not long after that I got my first crush on a guy. That told me once and for all I really was gay.

The only problem I have now, is when I masturbate If I think of orgasming into a vagina it feels better than when I imagine it with a guy. Again I don't like females that way but the end part is kind of nice. I'm not sure if my problem is because I haven't been with a guy yet and it's just a lot better when you love the person. Sorry to be so graphic, I'm normally quite polite in the way I say things. Does anyone know why that is? Or have experienced it themselves?

[Blue]

Well, the first thing I would suggest is instead of imagining intercourse, you try imagining oral - after all a mouth is pretty much a mouth regardless of gender.

I would sat that a lot of that is not having been with a man so you don't have an accurate idea of what it feels like to be with a man. Not all gay men even do anal so if that's your hang up, relax, there are other ways.

[dfiant]

With time comes experience. Fantasize about whatever makes you feel good when you masturbate, there is absolutely no shame. Some gay men fantasize over boobies, but could never bring themselves to be with a woman.

Fantasies are just that, a fantasy, not likely to become reality.

So repeat this mantra 'There is no problem, a fantasy is just a fantasy.'

[pellaz]

... a few months ago I asked myself who I was fooling and told myself it was ok to be gay. ...

-Give it some time
-sexuality is not that simple and some what fluid for everyone. Try to use other peoples definitions and almost always it will fail.

[LateBloomer]

I have mixed feelings about porn but I'm going to put those aside for right now and recommend finding some really hot and tasteful gay porn.

Men are very visual. And most men really respond to porn. Not all. But if you do, try some good gay porn in order to "program" your brain to respond to the image you desire.

Good luck and congratulations on coming to terms with yourself.
Your best years are still ahead of you.

[Bricg1970]

Sexuality is not absolute, not all is 100% Gay or 100% Hetero, there is a middle too. Experimentation for me is key, give you some time to unveil, don't try to force things, let them happen. I have been in both sides and I know now what I really like and need.

[Double007]

I'm not sure that having one crush on guy automatically makes you gay. I have heard of other people that have had crushes on the same sex, but that doesn't make you gay. I think your feelings, attractions and experiences will tell you. If you have never had any feelings for girls, then maybe.

I like your comment about not feeling allowed to have crushes on guys. I do remember being sexually attracted to guys since around 11 or 12 and I remember some peculiar feelings for some guys but I only payed attention to the sexual part. I remember thinking a guy was really cute in 7th grade and feeling "whoa, that's not cool." There were several other guys too that I found attractive and could become aroused by thinking about them. Even though I like girls too back then, there were always guys that I could totally masturbate to and feel good, and yes guilty.

As for masturbation issues, enjoy it don't feel guilty, unless it interferes with other parts of your life. Maybe you are used to imagining a vagina at climax. Take a deep breath and think about what you really like and not what just gets you to ejaculate. There should be a flow. You should be overcome with pleasure and it should almost be out of your control. If that's not happening, then stop. It has become work and not pleasure.

[Marvinteck]

I come from a conservative background and used to experience quite allot of guilt when I was experimenting in my teen years in denial. I would always get hit by pangs of guilt right after climax. Like you I final came to terms with my sexuality at the age of 28. The guilt I felt disappeared after I came out of the closet and left the conservative teachings of my youth behind.

My best advice to you would be give yourself more time to acclimate to your sexuality. Internalized homophobia can be a tricky thing to completely dispel.

[fenris]

"Post coitum omne animal triste est, ( / sive gallus et mulier )"
Galen

means ... after sex all animals are sad .....


I think you have to learn more about and accept your own sexuality ... after accepting yourself it will be much easier