10-31-2012, 01:33 PM
I totally get where you are coming from OP. You have found a way to get back that power and control you lost way back when you were neglected and abused.
But as you clear see it is not a healthy way to get back that power that was taken from you.
I think you know how this will run. You are abused, so you turn around and abuse someone else, they are abused and they turn around and abuse someone else... It becomes a vicious, nasty circle of abuser/abused.
There are other, more constructive way to get back that control you once lost.
You go to a therapist and they will want to explore your past, the abuse you received and then tell you 'hey you are lashing out trying to get back that control that was taken from you'....
Since I do not know who you are or what your other interests may be, I cannot give you any specific path to follow. I do not know what other self destructive tendencies you have. You might need to check yourself on every aspect of your life.
Abusers who are made that way usually have more than just a violent streak or a cruel streak, they drink do drugs and do other self harming things as well as thing to harm others. Its a whole package deal in most cases.
Are you self harming in some way, hitting the bottle too much, doing drugs to 'relax'? If so then you need to address those issues as well. Depressed, anxiety issues?
Its most likely a bit more complicated than getting your jollies abusing this guy.
You need to figure out all of that other stuff and work on that as well.
But as you clear see it is not a healthy way to get back that power that was taken from you.
I think you know how this will run. You are abused, so you turn around and abuse someone else, they are abused and they turn around and abuse someone else... It becomes a vicious, nasty circle of abuser/abused.
There are other, more constructive way to get back that control you once lost.
You go to a therapist and they will want to explore your past, the abuse you received and then tell you 'hey you are lashing out trying to get back that control that was taken from you'....
Since I do not know who you are or what your other interests may be, I cannot give you any specific path to follow. I do not know what other self destructive tendencies you have. You might need to check yourself on every aspect of your life.
Abusers who are made that way usually have more than just a violent streak or a cruel streak, they drink do drugs and do other self harming things as well as thing to harm others. Its a whole package deal in most cases.
Are you self harming in some way, hitting the bottle too much, doing drugs to 'relax'? If so then you need to address those issues as well. Depressed, anxiety issues?
Its most likely a bit more complicated than getting your jollies abusing this guy.
You need to figure out all of that other stuff and work on that as well.
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