Balancing act.

[hank]

I am out, I am open, I can love men with no social pressure, but my upbringing keeps getting in the way. I still remember my mother telling me how wrong it was to be gay. It is like a complete mental block. I am scared to see a therapist because the last one I saw gave me such lousy advice.

My hand reaches out but I stop just short of touching, and my mind stops me, asking myself are you really into this. I have attempted to attend lgbt meetings and such I just can't get out of the car. AS if I am stepping across a threshold from which there is no return.

When you came out did you have this difficulty? Was every move calculated, it is exhausting.

[pellaz]

take your time.

[Blue]

No need to rush yourself, but what will really change if you did walk into a meeting?

You'd still be you, you might make some new friends, you might get a date and, you'd have to deal with being nervous, making mistakes, but is that so bad?

[hank]

No need to rush yourself, but what will really change if you did walk into a meeting?

You'd still be you, you might make some new friends, you might get a date and, you'd have to deal with being nervous, making mistakes, but is that so bad?

It isn't that I am worried about making a mistake, it is irrational

[Bowyn Aerrow]

For me there was a 6 month delay between my realizing I was gay and actually starting to accept that I was gay.

Then there was about a year long period of readjustment of my life, my life goals and trying to figure out what a 'Gay David' was in the world compared to the 'Straight David' I had been.

A lot of it surrounded my expectations I had for life. I wanted to be a minister and a friar - I invested a lot of time and energy at getting my D. min and other papers and other things because I envisioned a life in service of the church.

That 6 months was on again off again, yes and no I went back and forth on the matter mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That year long period was me "debating" the merits of being an out gay man.

I did have a support system in the form of my first lover. He was a very patient man and didn't press me, but was there for what amounted to 'melt downs'. So I didn't do the walk alone.

Of course back in those days we didn't have LGBT centers all over the place and the only places gays met were bars or in airport bathrooms (the toe tap system ).

As for therapists; seeing a therapist is like shopping around for a partner. You have to have some confidence in the therapist and have to be willing and able to share deeper parts of you to them. While professionally they need to be unbiased, the reality is that they are human too and some do have strong opinions about some matters.

Some specialize, such as Gay Couples Counselors; they have accepted that the couple is gay thus the therapy is not about the correctness of homosexuality. Addict Counselors; they accept the addict is suffering from an ailment, thus the whole 'Addiction is not a disease' is never brought up.

Assuming your issue here is that you are not seeking to be therapied back into the straight way, then you need to find a therapist who will accept you are gay and work on other issues.

This page: http://michelelane.com/gfc/index.html may be of use to you.

[dfiant]

NO, but then my upbringing was different to yours, and none of that is your fault either.

You have gone through years and years of conditioning to think a certain way, changing the way you think and feel isn't going to happen over night, but you have to keep trying.

Keep trying to go to meetings, it doesn't amtter how many times you walk away without going in, just keep trying because one day you WILL make it in there.

[hank]

NO, but then my upbringing was different to yours, and none of that is your fault either.

You have gone through years and years of conditioning to think a certain way, changing the way you think and feel isn't going to happen over night, but you have to keep trying.

Keep trying to go to meetings, it doesn't amtter how many times you walk away without going in, just keep trying because one day you WILL make it in there.

I guess persistence pays off, I just feel so absent a life.

[hank]

I am normally so fearless, this I am so scared, of what I really don't know. It is so frustrating being crippled by fear. I don't understand this invisible boggy man

[Rainbowmum]

Do not put so much pressure on yourself.
This is going to take time , baby steps.

[Undreamt]

It is very difficult to go against upbringing and childhood conditioning.

Maybe you are trying to jump in head first when you would be more comfortable stepping in from the shallow end.

Going to a gay meet or gay club straight off the bat can be daunting.

Going to a gay festivle / parade or gay friendly event might be a bit easier, if you need to pretend that you are just a spectator to get across the threshold then maybe that would help.