here I go again

[hank]

Hank take your time with this , there is no rush here.
You seem to be putting unnecessary pressure on your self.

I don't blame you for being scared after what that therapist said to you.
The man needs shooting , that was totally unprofessional and unacceptable .

Sweetie listen to your body , if you are not ready , do not push it.
Slow and steady , baby steps, be kind to yourself , do not compare yourself to anyone else.

I always like hearing from you, such good perspective, thanks.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hank,

Just remember that first meetings don't have to lead to sex. Go out, have dinner, drink coffee, see a movie and just get to know the guy.
If he makes a play walk away, unless thats something you've discussed and agreed before your first face to face meeting.

Dont let anyone pressure you into something you don't want to do.

Dont forget to update us on how it all goes

Good luck!

ObW
x

[Nick9]

oh my goodness I like this reply...

Thanks CCRox. It was learned through a bitter experience.

Hank, I think, after having been reading your posts, that maybe.. you think too much I do.
It can be good and can lead to important and surprising discoveries and can make us more mature etc etc... But, sometimes it can feel like walking in a maze where nothing makes sense.

If you ever feel hopeless, stop thinking about where you belong to. Accept the way you feel, that you have your flaws and your good side too. Accept that there is no black and white and rainbow, there is also a mix of those. Even if you felt one month gay, one month bi and another asexual, it's ok. You don't HAVE TO belong in any category. The only important thing is to accept yourself.
Even the thing that seems to be so simple as that there are men and women on the planet, isn't that simple. There are people like neutrois who don't think they belong into those categories.

I feel like it stresses you that you are not sure where to stand. I just want to tell you that you don't need to decide about that to live a happy life. There is a pretty big scale between 100% gay and 100% straight and the fact that you are thinking about men doesn't make you 100% gay. The fact that you are not comfortable touching someone doesn't make you asexual.
Look for a person who you will love and who will love you and don't select between men and women. Sure, here at GS is a lot of men who are 100% sure. It doesn't mean that you have to be sure too, if the self-discovery and decision put a lot of pressure on you.

Also, I would be careful with the therapist. Successful therapy means that you need to open up to him/her. And that means that he/she can cut you really deep. I wasn't lucky.
I need to thank people at GS who answered my post when I was on my way from him. They made me get on the bus, not under it.

Find a friend, a shoulder to lean against. That friend can be one person or the whole GS.

[megumidesu]

I am not sure if it is because I have recovered repressed memories of sexual abuse or if I truly am asexual.

this worries me a lot ~
i get people telling me all the time that i wouldn't be a lesbian if my childhood had been different . so , sometimes i think that maybe i'm only gay because i was sexually abused as a child ...

[Nick9]

this worries me a lot ~
i get people telling me all the time that i wouldn't be a lesbian if my childhood had been different . so , sometimes i think that maybe i'm only gay because i was sexually abused as a child ...

hi,
I am very sorry about your experience. I am NOT talking about the particular reason, but would it be so bad? Is it really so important WHY we are certain way?
I don't mean to hurt you, I am simply asking. I mean if you don't want to change that you are a lesbian, is it important to know why you feel that way?

Would you be more happy if you were sure that you were already born that way? I really don't want to hurt you. I simply feel like you regret being a lesbian and that you may have had a chance to be somebody else, and someone stole it from you...

[megumidesu]

hi,
I am very sorry about your experience. I am NOT talking about the particular reason, but would it be so bad? Is it really so important WHY we are certain way?
I don't mean to hurt you, I am simply asking. I mean if you don't want to change that you are a lesbian, is it important to know why you feel that way?

Would you be more happy if you were sure that you were already born that way? I really don't want to hurt you. I simply feel like you regret being a lesbian and that you may have had a chance to be somebody else, and someone stole it from you...

i don't mean that i regret it . if i could take a pill to make me straight , i wouldn't ~
but i'm worried that my sexuality is the way it is just because of bad things that happened . i know i'd be a completely different person if the abuse hadn't happened , but the idea that i wouldn't even be attracted to the same people (that i wouldn't be with my girlfriend) if i had experienced different things , is slightly scary ~

[Nick9]

i don't mean that i regret it . if i could take a pill to make me straight , i wouldn't ~
but i'm worried that my sexuality is the way it is just because of bad things that happened . i know i'd be a completely different person if the abuse hadn't happened , but the idea that i wouldn't even be attracted to the same people (that i wouldn't be with my girlfriend) if i had experienced different things , is slightly scary ~

Life is full of surprises and crossroads. If you did some things differently you may have never met your girlfriend. I think you can look it two different way.

Either it was a sheer luck to meet her, or she was a gift for you after what had happened to you

[LateBloomer]

LateBloomer checking in...



I considered myself asexual for many years. Totally avoided sex/intimacy. I was ALMOST the original 40 year old virgin (actually lost it at 35).

Anyway, the point is, as a few other posters have responded, when the time is RIGHT, the time is right.

We are made of 3 parts:
Body
Mind
Soul

And those 3 parts should work together. Listen to YOURSELF. When you're ready for intimacy you'll know it. Right now, it sounds like to me, you're not quite there.

Just be patient with yourself. Keep listening. You'll know later when it's right.