Hey guys, just wanted to throw this out there.
I just ended a 6 month relationship with the best guy I've met in over 10 years.
I live in western Kentucky, and have never been happy here. My family is from here which is how I wound up here for the last 7 years.
I don't like the Bible Belt mentality, I don't like the racism, the homophobia, the fact that most gay people here spend their lives in the closet for fear of losing their jobs, for all the reasons that the rural South is not the friendliest place for people who are different from the norm.
My ex was born and raised here, and this is home to him. We had a discussion yesterday that ended with, basically, him saying he will never leave Kentucky, and me saying I want to get out of here as soon as it's financially feasible. It is an impasse. So, I was the one who said we should end the relationship as there is no future. No raised voices, no fight... just a lot of crying on both our parts.
I stayed up crying all night and now I'm sitting here with a bottle of rum planning to drink myself into oblivion because it hurts so much. I'm having second thoughts but it is too late now.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation, and if so, how did you deal with it? On one hand it could be said that if I loved him enough I would be by his side anywhere he was... like that old song, "I'd rather live with him in his world than live without him in mine". On the other hand, it could also be said that if he loved me enough, he would follow me to a place where we could both be happy. Is living the rest of my life in Bible Belt redneck Hell worth it. Is the alternative being without him worse.
Thoughts? Thanks in advance, peace
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Lol, I live in murray and trust me I share your frustration about how dull it is here. I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out, but the way I see it is if it was meant to be, you two would have been able to find a compromise. As much as it hurts now, you might look back at this later on as a positive thing. One thing I will tell you is to not crawl into a bottle. I've been down that road and its a huge pain in the ass to find your way back. Just hang in there, ok?
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I like Murray, it is a pretty town and ya'll have some culture there, plays, concerts. Calloway is damp now, no? One thing I would not like, my friends in Ann Arbor still barely believe me that there is such a thing as a dry county in the year 2012.
The bottle is the easiest way, I smoke weed too, between the 2 of them it tends to numb a lot of the pain. I know, that is the easy way out. I probably need to get out of the house and be around people. My usual reaction though is to cocoon. Drinking and wallowing in self pity is certainly not going to help.
To be honest, I have family in California in the Bay area. If I could afford 2 grand a month rent for a walk in closet I would probably be there too... lol. My family in Kentucky doesn't particularly like gay people, although they would be more than happy to help me into the Church of Christ ex-gay ministry program, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." So I have no one here now except a couple of dear friends I have been lucky enough to meet.
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So we know how your feel right now, but how does your ex feel?
As Brituc says, is there no compromise to be had? If the feeling is mutual between you about how you feel for each other, then I would pick up the phone and talk to him, assuming you've not burned any bridges to get to this stage.
Did you just drop the get out of Kentucky bombshell on him, or has there been previous discussion? If no previous discussion then you might have caught his natural reaction to being told his town/state sucks and you should both leave ASAP!
On the other hand, if you really don't see any future for yourself in Kentucky, then your doing the right thing by walking away now, hopefully with some good memories about the both of you intact.
Good Luck.
ObW
x
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I have not been in a similar situation in a relationship, but I have been in a similar situation with a bottle of rum. I've come to prefer pain over oblivion.
Since you are still in KY for a while, can the two of you be friends without expecting anything long term? Does it have to be all or nothing? You don't know what else might change in his life or yours. If he's the best guy you've met in 10 years, don't throw that away. I hope you are able to talk with him and be open to keeping your friendship alive, even if it changes.
Good luck. Keep posting here. Please try not to drink alone!
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good advice. thank ya'll.
he doesn't look at Kentucky the same way that I do as he has never really travelled. This is all he knows; this is normal to him.
Maybe I am doing the right thing by walking away. To be truthful, my friends out of state have told me for years that I hate it here and I would be happier somewhere else. My fear would be that if I did stay here to be with him, I would grow to resent it over time, and always wonder what would have happened if I had moved, to a more open minded, progressive, liberal place.
I'll be 48 in March. I'm not getting any younger. What I did not expect was to fall head over heels in love shortly before I had planned on leaving. Isn't life funny.
Listening to myself talk, it sounds like I've already made up my mind. If I were objectively reading my post, I would probably think to myself, this is a man who's going to have to make up his mind what he wants.
Bottom line, I love him and that is ultimately more strong than any of my intellectual rationalizations.
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You know, I'd tell you to stay. Yes there are some true bad news rednecks - got a few here too but, it isn't that bad. I'm openly gay in yet another rednekclville, USA. Yes, they talk a lot of schiznit but, it's all talk, make friends, get to know them, they aren't so bad, don't even really get mad when you call them breeders - just call you limp wrist and laugh before heading off to see who is the better shot on the target range, then buy you a six pack when you best them.
Yeah to what to do activity wise is a bit different, this aint the big city, you might find you like the outdoor, simple life if you tried to get into it more.
Really the where I live isn't so important as being with the right man - a rare find as experience has taught me. As much as I dislike big city life, if Mr. right for me were a city lover and simply couldn't bear to leave the city, so be it, I'd become a city dweller. Perhaps a bit of a hermit of a city dweller, but I'd make the best of it.
People are more important than places or things - think about it, what is really going to mean a damn when you are 80?
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Each person is different. Going by the sound of this you really should move. Now maybe if he just wanted the economy to get a little stronger first then it would be worth waiting "counting the days" but that doesn't sound like an option.
And interesting with what you shared...a guy on the net who lives in KY is always complaining about gays, like once he said the government forced him to CELEBRATE it not tolerate it and I asked him what he meant by that and when was the last time the JBTs (Jack Booted Thugs, a title given to certain militant police agencies, usually federal, which he also hates, at least when against "white christian males" such as himself) forced him to march in a gay pride parade but he never answered (only insists it's so). 
Most recently he said gays only wanted to get married to have dangerous orgies and I asked him if the reason HIS parents got married was to engage in orgies (or if they found being married made it harder to have such a wild, uninhibited sex life with strangers rather than a prerequisite) but again he just ignores me (or at least the point or question I bring up that challenges his homophobia).
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guess he and I need to talk which we will tonight.
this subject was bound to come up sooner or later, it was sort of discussed at various times. guess things just got kind of serious after a serious fuck session...it came to a head, so to speak.
thanks again.
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deep spiritual sex can make guys really serious...
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