How do you do it?!

[Mike]

How do you do it?
How do you erase so many memories?!
How do you throw away a future you were sure you'd have together?
How do you keep yourself from looking at your mutual pictures?
How do you sleep at night?
How do you eat?
How do you go to work with that fake smile on your face?
How do you drive your car, without having so many thoughts about him, you're scared of having an accident?
How do you not look for him, reaching your hands to touch him, when in bed with another guy?
How do you look at yourself in the mirror, without seeing the two of you together?
How do you keep yourself from losing your mind?
How do you go on seeing your nephews, smiling and playing with them?!

Would somebody PLEASE tell me HOW?!

HELP!

[UrbanBookworm]

Well, I know I'm young, therefore, I do not have much wisdom, but if I'm reading your post right, the man you loved is no longer in a relationship with you? If that's the case, what I like to remind myself of every time I feel like "relapsing" back into feelings for someone I'm no longer with, I just remember that "it's just means they're not the one"...

Would you mind elaborating a bit more so I can try to help you better? :\

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You just do.

I had a relationship that ended due to outside forces splitting us apart. That lead to three to four years of serious in ability to function 'normally'.

While I threw myself into another relationship shortly after the 'break-up' and that did give me a distraction (and contusions and stitches and a few cracked ribs) It was a struggle to do a lot of things for quite some time.

Pretending to be happy is the norm for most people most of the time. The majority of people you meet who are smiling on the outside are usually crying on the inside, or are suffering in some way. As a society we dislike people being sad, we dislike people being in pain, so everyone pretends to be happy all the time... Well almost everyone, some end up snapping and take a gun to a mall or a school...

You will learn how to do it... Eventually.

Just like people who have their legs cut off learn how to walk on prothesetic legs... in time.

[Blue]

As Bowyn said, you simply do it. No secret technique, just will power. You find yours and you put on the act and, wait for time to heal the wounds and blur the memories.

[Undreamt]

well ranting and getting it out of your system can be good. there is nothing wrong with being upset and angry

just don't loose hope that things can and will get better,

[jdawg903]

WHat your going through is perfectly normal. Most people would go through this at somepoint so you are not alone. You have to just keep motoring through it. Keep an open mind, try to break the default cycle of automatically thinking of him first when your with someone else.

Think about that part of your life being over, and then this new person can be something different, the start of new chapter. Don't expect to find someone like the guy you did before, try to find someone better!

We lose sight of the fact that theres a world full of gay men out there, and there will always be someone else if you keep looking!

[monk]

Time, just time.

[ronaldsbatson]

I would say your grieving indicates that the relationship contributed to many joyful moments in your life. Those moments are yours. No one can take them away. You have a right to enjoy them for all that they are worth.

Don't forget to be your own best friend. After all, you live with yourself 24/7. Treat yourself with tender loving care. You've earned it. Help yourself get through this transition, and leave yourself open for pleasant surprises.

[cardiganwearer]

How do you do it?

I'll take that as a general rubric, too general for an answer.

How do you erase so many memories?!

You don't, doing this will prevent learning from experience.

How do you throw away a future you were sure you'd have together?

Presumably this has already happened. If you're determined to erase memories (see above) you'll never be able to work out how it happened.

How do you keep yourself from looking at your mutual pictures?

Put them away in a box until you're in a better frame of mind.

How do you sleep at night?

A bit more difficult but it will come.

How do you eat?

You can never be too rich or too thin, this will help with the latter and if food prices are anything like where I live, the former too.

How do you go to work with that fake smile on your face?

Same as you always did, same as most people do.

How do you drive your car, without having so many thoughts about him, you're scared of having an accident?

Take the bus for a few days.

How do you not look for him, reaching your hands to touch him, when in bed with another guy?

Well, that was quick.

How do you look at yourself in the mirror, without seeing the two of you together?

If you can't get him out of the house yourself, get that guy you were just in bed with to help you.

How do you keep yourself from losing your mind?

Whatever you do, don't take this post seriously.

How do you go on seeing your nephews, smiling and playing with them?!

Sounds like they're kids. If you engage in their agenda rather than your own they will provide you with complete distraction from your problems. Or you could share your problems with them. Which do you think is best?

Would somebody PLEASE tell me HOW?!

HELP!

I've tried to oblige on the how one, though I probably haven't helped. Only you can do that.

Cheer up, the worst bit, the bit that you really have no control over has already happened. What you're dealing with now you do have some control over, though it may not feel like it. In time, though, you'll find you can grapple it to the floor and land a few good kicks without the referee seeing.

[Mike]

You just do.

I had a relationship that ended due to outside forces splitting us apart. That lead to three to four years of serious in ability to function 'normally'.

While I threw myself into another relationship shortly after the 'break-up' and that did give me a distraction (and contusions and stitches and a few cracked ribs) It was a struggle to do a lot of things for quite some time.

Pretending to be happy is the norm for most people most of the time. The majority of people you meet who are smiling on the outside are usually crying on the inside, or are suffering in some way. As a society we dislike people being sad, we dislike people being in pain, so everyone pretends to be happy all the time... Well almost everyone, some end up snapping and take a gun to a mall or a school...

You will learn how to do it... Eventually.

Just like people who have their legs cut off learn how to walk on prothesetic legs... in time.

Yeah, it's horrible. I figure, if you're mad and sad, take a bullet to your head, not to someone else's.

Thanks for your words. Hope it'll get better soon. :-(