So what now?

[Bob]

Ok so I currently feel like a lost soul.

14 years ago after a long term straight relationship, I came out and I did the whole thing, fell quickly, had a civil partnership (then a blessing before God) and from there everything in my life plan went a bit t**s up.

The relationship came to a sad end and there have been numerous broken relationships with men ever since. I gave up on the gay relationships and clicked instantly with a woman whom I fell in love with. Me being gay was so hard for her at he time, she left me and eventually we became the best of friends. I guess most of you wold call her my fag hag. That was some 7 years ago and each time we spend time together, the feelings never change except now, she feels it too.

I am in a very loving relationship with a guy for over 2 years now - something hat seems to work except now I find myself wanting to leave and be with the girl of my dreams - I have a thousand questions running through my head and cant bring myself to hurt he guy who loves me so he knows nothing but everyday it kills me more - what the hell am I thinking - could this work or as friends, are me and the girl doomed t make the biggest mistake ever........I see happiness, marriage and perhaps children and I know she does too yet I am so confused after being gay for so long. I was already gay when we dated and it worked so well - others made it difficult and we have both grown so much since then - Advice from you kind people would be very welcome. Thank you

[jimbopdxus]

Wow. A tough one. Sometimes it is not a matter of sexual preference or attraction. It is the combining of two souls. You are going to have to go with your heart. Have you considered other alternatives, like 1) Give it a bit more time to develop, and 2) get everyone together once you are closer to making the decision and explain your feelings and let them help you decide? They are your friends. They should be able to help. If one of them gets angered and calls it off, then decision made. If they both are supportive then maybe it would be wise to back off and let it develop. I would definitely wait. My experience taught me that time heals all. So do not rush into it.

[Bob]

Jimbopdxus - thanks for he reply.

I agree, we should maybe wait - feelings get less strong when we do not see other and eventually we both settle into our individual lives again but every time we meet, the same process begins again.

I see my current partner once, sometimes twice a week when he comes to stay, otherwise he is away working and whilst I have wanted that to change, I don't see it happening. My friend and I also live miles apart so one of us if it came to it would have to leave their comfort zone - its like an emotional trap and a massive decisions. We are both tired of spending the holidays alone and basically living an almost single life except in my case, that's obviously very different.

Whilst I care deeply for my partner, I wonder if that's love and if I would actually regret leaving and if a friendship of so many years could easily be destroyed by making a drastic decision but again, the situation we have gotten into, one of these days, we are gonna slip and end up doing something that will hurt everyone and I don't want that to happen. I am very loyal to the person I am with but as you suggested, he cold never sit down and discuss this - he doesn't even know how I am feeling!!!!!

I have the best of both worlds but for sme reason, I cannot find happiness in my current situation yet time away from my friend and eventually that pull against who I am and who I am with fades again..........but for how long this time

[gilhooly]

I am 66 and feel OK about being gay. But I was very close to my father who loved not only me but the guy I loved. I loved the eulogy Tom gave my father when he died.

One thing I do miss. I wish I had a child. When Tom and I met in 1968, I had never heard the word gay, let alone gay marriage. I often wish Tom and I had adopted a child.

If you love a woman and like the idea of a child, I would go for it in a heartbeat. Most of my friends are straight and I envy their constant references to the pride they have in their kids. I have a nice cat for company but I sure wish a child somewhere thought of me as Dad.

[Blue]

Okay, hard lesson but, take sex and having children out of the picture. Just imagine that no matter who you are with, you will never have sex again and, will never have kids. Why? Because you can do both with either, yes it might mean adopting or, getting a surrogate mother but, you can have kids either way.

Now who do you most/best see yourself spending a lifetime with, growing old with and, who would hurt most to lose? Don't tell me, but there is your answer.

[Bob]

My current partner does not want children at any time,

Whilst I appreciate the posts here, they are somewhat philosophical and increasingly romantic anticipations of decisions that sound so easy.

It turns out the girls way of dealing with this is to start up with a boyfriend so at the present time, I guess there is now o decision to be made.........time it it.......time resolves al