01-04-2013, 01:52 PM
Hi - I'm new here! I'll try to be brief...
I'm an Education student about 12 months from graduation, 24 years old, and I've been out since I was 16-19, depending on who you ask.
Two years ago, I went on a "first date" (coffee) with someone I had met online. He was also an education student, and although the conversation went well, I found out a couple days later that his previous (and only real) boyfriend (as of yet) had cheated on him, and he wasn't ready for another relationship yet. I had to pester him to be more explicit, and got the text "I'm not interested in you". It sucked, but I needed it, because I was smitten.
BUT, last September, we started hanging out together on campus on a near-weekly basis as friends, just chatting about whatever we liked. We got to know each other, and although I was in a relationship this entire time, we started opening up to each other about more intimate details of our lives. As these months wore on, I started to detect a little bit of flirt-iness from him around me, although I'm really bad at noticing those things, and I was in a relationship, so I thought nothing of it... until now.
My previous relationship ended (peacefully) before this Christmas, and only two days afterwards my friend told me he was ready to start dating again. I didn't ask at the time, but I fired him an e-mail asking if he was still "not interested" in me. As it turns out, he now IS. And I'm interested in him. So after the two of us went to see a movie on Boxing Day (as friends, not a date), I asked him face-to-face if he'd be willing to go out sometime and see if we could me "more than friends". I got *reasonably* emphatic "yes", although he said we should take two weeks to space ourselves out from my last relationship (I assume was his reasoning), which I agreed made sense.
We're going out to lunch this Saturday (again, not as a date I assume, since our little two-week period isn't up until next Wednesday, but a question has started to knock around in my head:
I've never dated a "friend" before, since everyone else had been a romantic interest from the get-go. So now that I am, I'm unsure just how to conduct myself. I understand the whole follow-your-heart thing, but every other time, the first hug, kiss, etc. just came when we were both comfortable with it. The problem is, this person and I are already completely comfortable around each other, so my compass is confused. I can't just randomly plant one on him!
Has anyone ever been in this situation? I'm just trying to figure out how the whole flirting and/or making moves thing works when you already know the other person well in a different context.
I'm an Education student about 12 months from graduation, 24 years old, and I've been out since I was 16-19, depending on who you ask.
Two years ago, I went on a "first date" (coffee) with someone I had met online. He was also an education student, and although the conversation went well, I found out a couple days later that his previous (and only real) boyfriend (as of yet) had cheated on him, and he wasn't ready for another relationship yet. I had to pester him to be more explicit, and got the text "I'm not interested in you". It sucked, but I needed it, because I was smitten.
BUT, last September, we started hanging out together on campus on a near-weekly basis as friends, just chatting about whatever we liked. We got to know each other, and although I was in a relationship this entire time, we started opening up to each other about more intimate details of our lives. As these months wore on, I started to detect a little bit of flirt-iness from him around me, although I'm really bad at noticing those things, and I was in a relationship, so I thought nothing of it... until now.
My previous relationship ended (peacefully) before this Christmas, and only two days afterwards my friend told me he was ready to start dating again. I didn't ask at the time, but I fired him an e-mail asking if he was still "not interested" in me. As it turns out, he now IS. And I'm interested in him. So after the two of us went to see a movie on Boxing Day (as friends, not a date), I asked him face-to-face if he'd be willing to go out sometime and see if we could me "more than friends". I got *reasonably* emphatic "yes", although he said we should take two weeks to space ourselves out from my last relationship (I assume was his reasoning), which I agreed made sense.
We're going out to lunch this Saturday (again, not as a date I assume, since our little two-week period isn't up until next Wednesday, but a question has started to knock around in my head:
I've never dated a "friend" before, since everyone else had been a romantic interest from the get-go. So now that I am, I'm unsure just how to conduct myself. I understand the whole follow-your-heart thing, but every other time, the first hug, kiss, etc. just came when we were both comfortable with it. The problem is, this person and I are already completely comfortable around each other, so my compass is confused. I can't just randomly plant one on him!
Has anyone ever been in this situation? I'm just trying to figure out how the whole flirting and/or making moves thing works when you already know the other person well in a different context.