how to save this relationship?

[kNs21]

Me and my girlfriend have been on a rough patch for almost a month....constantly arrguimg about everything and its not getting any better... weve already tried things like stop givinf sarcasm to stuff saidnor anything like that but it hasnt helped... im lost in what i should do anymore....i love her to death and dont wanna loose her or this relationship because weve been through a lot together but i dont know whar else i can do....anyone advice?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Insufficient data.

How long have to been together? What started this recent spat of sarcasm? How many other resentments have you two managed to plant while being silent about little things which really tend to be huge deals after they simmer on the back burner for a year or two?

How is finances? Any other interesting stresses? Cat recently died a 'questionable death'? Parents/In-laws going on and on about never being grandparents? Amazing how these little seemingly insignificant things can be the real underlying cause of the issue.

Resentments are relationship killers. While hanging the TP roll backward may not seem like a big deal, but every day, day after day week after week, month after month of looking at that TP roll hung backward (I'll let you two discuss which way is not backward) can actually become a huge thorn in the side of the relationship.

Does she miss the hamper with her cloths by 4 inches consistently? That is a resentment and its doing nothing but getting bigger with each passing day. You have that little, insignificant snarky comeback, its nothing, but a growing resentment - heck in most cases it was cute way back at the dawn of the relationship, but now its just a reason to figure out a quick way to end that annoying thing you do - you know, breathing.

All relationships have their resentments, tiny things which sit and fester. Most couples rarely end a relationship over something big, its something small that represents a whole slew of tiny annoyances that triggered WWIII.

How long have you two been together? Have you already gone through the Power Struggle Stage of your relationship?

If you do not know what that is: http://www.google.com/#hl=en&safe=off&tb...16&bih=714

Sarcasm is communication, its just not effective communication. Effective communication really boils down to a simple 'I feel _________ when ____________'

EXAMPLES:

I feel angry when you get snarky over _________ (whatever it is you get snarky over).
I feel hurt when you _____________ (whatever it is that causes pain).

Sitting down and discussing how you feel when X takes place is then followed by a discussion of what both of you can do to take the sting out of those situations.

That is where compromise comes in. Yeah your snarky (I'm snarky, deal with it) being snarky is actually a self defense mechanism for snarky people - understanding that its a self defense mechanism helps both side of the partnership to see it as a form of communication, and it allows the snarky one a change to actually say 'you know what I mean.' when the other points out 'hey your being snarky.' So instead of just a snarky comment, both partners acknowledged that there was snarkiness, and both acknowledged it was an attempt at communication.

This doesn't give you a 100% pass on being snarky, it also gives you a chance to explain how you are really feeling and hopefully, in time, you will be less snarky.

Couples who scream at each other tend to stay together longer than those who sit in silence. because screaming is communication. Granted it isn't effective communication, but you are trying. Arguments are attempts to communicate, and one or both of you need to throw out there during the argument 'Hey, we are trying to communicate, how can we do this better?'.

Once both of you realize that you are trying to communicate, you will think up of better ways between you two to actually communicate.

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&sugexp=les%...16&bih=714

Lots of sites out there with effective communication as its subject.

BOTH of you need to sit down together and start gathering tools in order to learn how to effectively communicate with each other. You also need to identify the real resentments, those little things you have let slide and come up with ways to compromise and let some of it slide.

If the socks never make it to the hamper, and it annoys you, then you will have to learn how to live with the socks 4 inches away from the hamper - you may not be able to change your partner, but you can change how you feel about how your partner does this.

If its too big, or seemingly too complex for both of you to sort through your crap, then I strongly suggest couples therapy. A therapist can look at your relationship from the outside and come up with helpful suggestions and tools (communication, identifying problem areas, blah).

There are really a very few things that you two should consider deal breakers on your relationship.

[pellaz]

arguments are simple to stop:
-it takes two to argue, just say "i love you" and walk to another room"
-never argue in bed; just keep your mouth shut stupid
-never leave the bed for more than an hour, no matter how frustrated you feel
-text your partner often during the day, just say "Kiss", "Love You More" even if you dont feel loving, it takes two to argue but only one person in the relationship to turn it around. I bet a week out you guys cant even remember what the arguments were about.
cheers