In Bed

[leer]

I see..
Good luck.

It's not something to be ashamed of

I Know :hugs-and-kisses-smi

[ThatRobGuy]

I had issues with this at first too and still do sometimes. At first, it was the excitement of sleeping with someone else and wanting to spend time together awake and not sleeping. Now, it's more because I'm just a light sleeper and if he's tossing and turning or making noise, it wakes me up usually. No big deal, it's worth it.

[Blue]

After I've been single a while, it takes me a week or two to adjust to sharing my bed again. I'm not worried about whatever sleep problems a partner might have. Worst case I occasionally get knocked in the head by someone who thrashes violently for whatever reason or, awakened because they have night terrors and scream in their sleep, or on waking from them.

And, they will just have to learn to live with my feet and backside being ice cold in even a 50 degree bedroom - if I bump them with those parts in the night, I may wake them. Oh well, that's how it goes with a partner. You accept the not so pleasant bits along with the good bits and, you learn to deal with them.

Relax, no one is perfect in their sleep - you and a partner will adjust to each other.

[princealbertofb]

Hello Leer and to GaySpeak. I have an idea here that might be what's causing it, but maybe not. I don't know if someone else has suggested it here either, as I've not read everyone's answer.
I hope it is a new way of looking at the problem.

I'm not sure there is a problem with sleeping with a man rather than a woman, but it is probable that you can't "shut down" on account of heat. When you are lying in bed with just yourself, your body shuts down and gradually lowers your body temperature (and heart rate) so it is possible that your body, lying next to another human being's body can't get cool enough to shut down. I think it would be worth your while trying to sleep in some other accomodation, be it a mattress on the floor or a sofa if you have one. I have noticed having trouble sometimes falling asleep myself when my partner's body heat is too high for me to shut off. The bed is wide enough that we can generally find our own space in it, I try taking the covers off me till I cool down enough to feel drowsy, but he likes to have the covers snuggly around him. When I feel I'm ready to shut down, I will cover my body up again and lie next to him, but by then he's shut his body off too and his body temperature is surely lower too. The fact of having sex beforehand might possibly heighten both your body temperatures a bit and pace your heart rate faster, so it could be that you're still in a state of mental excitement which does not help to go to sleep. Most people would find that having an orgasm shuts their body down quicker as the endorphins kick in after ejaculation, but it is possible that it has a reverse effect on you.

Quite honestly, if you are having trouble sleeping next to someone (man or woman, doesn't matter) I'd go and discuss it with my doctor. GPs are likely to know what sort of questions to ask you and are more likely to know about sleeping troubles than we, ordinary citizens, are. It's worth finding out, even if you are a light sleeper, just in case it starts affecting your life and health at some point.

The other thing to check out is whether you're giving yourself enough time to wind down at the end of the day. Staying online, for example, or playing video games till late will give your body ( and brain mostly) the wrong kind of stimulation, so it might be that you are subjecting yourself to all sorts of different stimuli, that, in conjunction, are creating the problem.

Even though you say you are a light sleeper, there must be a problem, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here about it. See what your doctor says, that's what I advise you to do, or else, try a cooling shower before you lie down again. If all else fails, you need to sleep alone. Your doctor would know statistics on how common or rare that condition is, but it doesn't sound like you need to worry too much.

It will be a bit of a sensitive issue, maybe, with a partner, but if they care for you enough, they'll know that sleeping alone is what will keep the relationship going strong.

[Counselor]

My ex-wife took MONTHS getting used to having me in her bed, it was almost a year before she started getting a good night's sleep.

Myself, I've always loved having somebody next to me, especially when going to sleep. It's like sharing something almost as intimate as sex without needing a shower after.

[leer]

Princealbert blue thank you both so much for the feedback left me with a few things to think about beginning to realize am not alone with this issue . thanks x

councelor thanks for the feedback x

[princealbertofb]

You're welcome, Leer. We are here to help each other, when and if we can. Giving you the " see your doctor" advice seems like a given, but sometimes we can be so wrapped up in a problem that we forget about that option, and in the UK getting to see a GP can sometimes be time consuming, I know. But you can think about your other options and rule them out one by one first, can't you?

[Counselor]

Yeah, no problem!

Part of her issue was that she was an independent, introverted personality as well. She eventually got over it by telling herself "okay, he's not going to leave, might as well get some sleep".