Anonymous Wrote:I don't know what to say or to do, like always and it's getting annoying. I just wish I wasn't this way, because it's only making my social life so awkward. With friends or trying to hit on someone, I just end up being silent and watching TV or just into the wall. I just suck at starting a conversation. It's just so annoying when I'm trying so hard to contact with someone but I just can't get any words out... I'm just such a boring person... What and how can I change that? Any advice?
Tell me, would you cut off your feet if everyone else decided to cut off theirs? Most likely no, however the same principle applies - you are wanting to mangle your own personality/character to be like everyone else. Why?
You are a quiet person, great, wonderful. Don't change who you are in order to 'fit in' or you will lose who you are being too busy trying to be someone you are not.
Besides, lots of people talk all the time, few people have anything interesting to say. Don't be one of those people.
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You don't directly suggest it but you're probably a good listener if you don't say much yourself, so make the most of that skill. If you're not a good listener, practice being one. Listening only involves you so you don't have to worry about your effect on other people.
As someone upthread pointed out, people love to talk about themselves. Better still they like to hear what they say confirmed. So, become a summariser, listen carefully and repeat back to people in abbreviated form what they've just said to you. Preface it with something like, "so you mean...", or "that means you think that...".
No original thought necessary, no need to agree or disagree, you'll soon find your own personality shapes what you're saying and you're actually contributing and being you.
You can practice the summarising bit while watching television, there's always a more concise way of saying what they're saying. Or you could post again and tell me what I've just said in 12 words or less (if you can do this without using the word bullshit, you'll earn my gratitude).
A couple of other things, you are not boring, like the rest of us you are an absolute f*&^ing miracle of nature, there's no way that can be uninteresting. Neither do you have to sparkle, most of us get away with a diffuse glow. We all aspire to being able to sparkle and there's no reason you shouldn't join us in that aspiration. Doesn't matter if all you manage is a diffuse glow, you'll be joining in.
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I am sort of the same, and just for the silence, I have given up on so many men I have been attracted towards in the past, and its this silence that has gotten me into this relationship that i can't take anywhere, He madly in love with me, but I am sort of confused, I love him when I am desperate for sex and do romance with him, but then its all gone ;(
and you might ask what silence has to do with it, well he is my room mate, once we had to share a bed for a night because of a slumber party, he started touching me and what not, and I had no idea what to do or what to say, i just got lured into his warmth touches that i gave up and kissed him.
lol he is cute and hairy, (love him) XD
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Perhaps you could try speaking with someone first in a chatroom and then through SKYPE. I know that people in a chat aren't exactly what they declare, but it's a start so you can practice starting and keeping conversations, yet keeping your anonymity. See it as a social skill course, and you're allowed to try it as many times as you wish...if something goes wrong you can always start again. When you feel confident enough, try talking through SKYPE. That would be a step forward since you'll now deal with a more direct contact. With time you'll get more fluency while speaking and you'll feel more sure and comfortable. The idea is to practice, practice, practice. I wish you luck  you'll do it fine 
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I didn't have a lot of confidence growing up, so when I became an adult, I had a hard time connecting with people. As I have become aware of myself and more comfortable, I have been better at having and even initiating conversations. One of the things that really helps me is to start or keep conversations with cashiers at stores. It's good because they kind of have to talk to you and so the chances of rejection are slim. I take this time to mention things going on around the store, the weather, etc. It's really helped me. I have also had days where I really didn't want to talk at all. Those are the days I talk cashiers, bartenders, etc. This really helps me get out of myself.
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I know it's easy to say practice but in reality that really is the best thing you could do.
Try sharing humor as you are more relaxed when laughing.
The other thing and most important is to work on your confidence.
This takes a bit more effort ,make sure you tell yourself you can do it ,and even if it just a small thing follow through.
Just like reaching out to us .
We are all here for you, so feel free to practice on us  mile:
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I'm a super extremely ultrasonic quiet shy guy. My besty thinks I'm a pretty cool guy and doesn't have a problem with it. You don't have to change, people just need to be more open to the characters of others. Not everyone likes super talkative people (For example: Me!). People who talk too much are scarey and annoying and it gives me the impression that they are too desperate to find attention. I'm not saying everyone who is social is that way (guess i went a little to extreme there), but yeah. I find shy quite people to be cute and mysterious. It makes it fun to get to know them. But it's still best to just have some confidence, to not freak out when you cant think of anything to say, and to just relax and be like...whatever. lol don't worry buddy, If you wanna talk to people, just find something random to talk about, think of something witty to say. Don't freak out about coming off as weird or stupid. If they don't like the attention, screw them (not litterally), they dont deserve anything more than a bucket of warm, melted ice cream.
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Sounds to me as if you just need some advice on getting a conversation going, as I usually find that once engaged in a conversation, as long as you steer it in the right direction, there will only be silence where the conversation on a particular topic has come to an end.
Have a think about things to talk about: The weather, sport, latest movie, shopping, food, cars, music, celebrity gossip. Last nights TV shows etc etc. The list is almost endless.
Google "how to hold a conversation with a stranger" if you need some inspiration.
i.e. http://www.happiness-project.com/happine...-stranger/
ObW
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Everybody here has given you some very good advice – all of it will help you to reach your goal of becoming improved in your communication skills –if you employ that advice.
Additionally, there has been some excellent advice on self worth – shyness – being a good listener –practicing in chat rooms-humor, etc. Not being able to start or keep a conversation going does not mean you are a boring person; it just means you haven’t master that skill set yet.
You used the following words in your post: "Like Always -Awkward –Suck –Boring and Annoying" twice. Other than that, you have not given much to go on, as to what the underlying issue(s) may be that are causing you to feel conflicted in this matter; one is left to their own imaginations as to the root cause. It’s clear you feel unhappy with yourself at the moment and would like to make a change.
As the other have shared - if you want to change something you have to work at it - but if you are not comfortable working at it, your results might not be what you had wished for. So that is a question you must answer – where is your personal comfort level in using these and other exercises? You must also ask will you be treating the symptom or the conflict?
You say “you just wish you weren’t this way “. The source of where your conflict lies is only known to you. Therefore, if you truly wish to change your behavior you must first identify what makes you so uncomfortable in starting or keeping a conversation going. I bet you have a good idea what the core conflict may be; then if you really want to understand and change that behavior - it’s completely possible – but almost never easy.
If you are bright enough to ask for help, which you have – then you are bright enough to find it. Break it down into small step and on focus on the step you’re taking – and don’t look down.
People accomplish amazing personal growth every day; because they put the work into it. By the tone of your post you seem to have reached a point where you too have an outstanding possibility of reaching your wish of becoming an accomplished communicator.
Only you will know what is right for you – and what tools to use on this personal journey.
“When you can see yourself clearly you can change anything”.
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How do I become more talkative?
