Questions for writing

[Android55]

Questions

My writing partner and I do not want to you to take these questions the wrong way. We are simply trying to develop a natural, relatable main character. Personally, I think gay relationships are exactly the same as straight relationships, only its two guys/two women rather than a man and a women, except for some reason, people have a problem with it. Therefor, as a writer, you can probably understand my frustration to constantly see gay stereotypes in movies and books. Gay men/women are exactly the same as straight men/women, except for the attraction preference. People are people, nothing more, nothing less. However, since there are so many intolerant people in the world, we understand that 'coming out' and/or accepting yourself isn't exactly the easiest for most people to do. It is our only intention to make sure we get this character's thoughts and emotions in the right place, so thank you guys again for helping us out.


Is it normal for a young man to not really think or question his sexuality until he turned 16?

I know that everyone must have their own different story, but if you are raised to be intolerant, do you think there would be steps, such as denial?

If you grew up in an homophobic home, would you come out to your parents even though you knew it would end badly, or would you try to hide it from them?

So, in our story, our main character develops feelings for another man. He was brought up to be homophobic. He never thought to question his sexuality because of how he was brought up. How plausible is this scenario?

What if one of your friends found your porn stash before you came out? How would you explain it and what if they didn't approve?

Thanks again for the help everyone.

[elad12]

Is it normal for a young man to not really think or question his sexuality until he turned 16?
I think that would depend on a lot of factors but I would think that yes that could be "normal" for some young men. I know I questioned my sexuality before I turned 16

I know that everyone must have their own different story, but if you are raised to be intolerant, do you think there would be steps, such as denial?
Yes of course

If you grew up in an homophobic home, would you come out to your parents even though you knew it would end badly, or would you try to hide it from them?
I'm 61 and just now considering telling my mother, but then whats the point. The rest of my family does knows though but then they are not homophobic

So, in our story, our main character develops feelings for another man. He was brought up to be homophobic. He never thought to question his sexuality because of how he was brought up. How plausible is this scenario?
I'm not sure. I think if he is truly gay, that he has had these feeling before. Maybe he was in denial before and now can't deny his feelings any more but I know for me I have had those feelings throughout my life and even if I denied I was having them on one level, I always knew I was having them on another level. Does that make sense?

What if one of your friends found your porn stash before you came out? How would you explain it and what if they didn't approve?
[B]Let see...... "Wow where'd those come from?" No I'd probably just say I found them somewhere and if I didn't want to come out to him (['m trying to think like I'm 16 years old) I'd probably say "Yea I found this out in the park. Can you believe guys look at this shit?" In other words deny, deny, deny. That is how I would have dealt with it when I was 16. I like to think that if I was 16 now I'd just come out to him, whether he likes it or not/B]

[AdrianMarcus]

- Normal? Not for me personally, but I can't speak for everyone. I always knew.
- Denial... I think that also depends on the person. For me personally the answer is no. I wasn't in denial, but I was angry about it for a long time. Being from a religious family did not help.
- Religious family: this depends on if your parents love you or not. I found out that mine don't love me, and I wish I never said anything to them. That really wouldn't have worked, because I couldn't live the lie any more.
- For the last question, if they're your friend and they don't approve, then it is probably time to find a new friend. I think most people would be embarrassed, I would have been, but not much more than that. That's the kind of thing that can happen to anyone, and if it went beyond what I would normally expect, like being harassed or preached to, then I wouldn't have been okay with it.

Hope this helps. Personally, I think these are all individual questions rather than gay or straight ones, but that's just my opinion.

[SolemnBoy]

Is it normal for a young man to not really think or question his sexuality until he turned 16?

I'd say no, to be honest, and I find it kind of hard to believe. However, by no means is it impossible!

I know that everyone must have their own different story, but if you are raised to be intolerant, do you think there would be steps, such as denial?

Most likely, yes.

If you grew up in an homophobic home, would you come out to your parents even though you knew it would end badly, or would you try to hide it from them?


Eventually, yes, but it'd take much more time and I'd wait until I'd moved out.

So, in our story, our main character develops feelings for another man. He was brought up to be homophobic. He never thought to question his sexuality because of how he was brought up. How plausible is this scenario?

It's plausible.

What if one of your friends found your porn stash before you came out? How would you explain it and what if they didn't approve?

No need for a "what if" on this one... I blamed it on curiosity...

[ManicReptile21]

Is it normal for a young man to not really think or question his sexuality until he turned 16?

I believe a kid any age below 13 doesnt even remotely start thinking about cliches and stereotypes. Its when the word word is introduced via vocabulary or book that it all becomes too real and thats where the worry begins and that's where the dorks get seperated from the jocks. and the gay get seperated from the straight. and the bullying begins.

I know that everyone must have their own different story, but if you are raised to be intolerant, do you think there would be steps, such as denial?

I don't fully understand this question.

If you grew up in an homophobic home, would you come out to your parents even though you knew it would end badly, or would you try to hide it from them?

Welp my family is homophobic and they dont know. my intentions involve a very brutal arguement and then me leaving this home forever and never turning back.

So, in our story, our main character develops feelings for another man. He was brought up to be homophobic. He never thought to question his sexuality because of how he was brought up. How plausible is this scenario?

Well i believe this question depends. if he had a girlfriend at some point, than i believe he wouldn't even bother questioning it because he would constantly be searching for some like her. but if he never dated anyone that opens up a chance for him to not logically think about what he's attracted too. He'd better be more concerned with his career. because i believe at some point everyone says to themself. "I am a straight man." "I am gay." "I like who i like" it all counts as the same thing.

What if one of your friends found your porn stash before you came out? How would you explain it and what if they didn't approve?

I'd just be caught red handed. I probably would latch onto the oppurtunity. Coming out is very important. and if he/she didnt approve well i'd probably dispose of our friendship because is obviously means nothing to him/her.

[Counselor]

Honestly, sixteen seems kind of late to be figuring out sexuality. Some part of me knew it when I was 11, when I started imagining sexual scenarios that I had never been exposed to for masturbation. I didn't even see porn until I was 13 or 14.

The intolerance thing depends on whether the cultivating environment is anti-gay or pro-hetero (whether being gay is condemned, versus being avoided to promote heterosexuality).

I told my father (one of the quiet homophobes) when I told him I was moving back for my divorce. I had come to a point where I decided his opinion didn't matter, since my rearing brought about the situation. He made his choices in raising me, and he would pay me back for those years I was afraid of being thrown to the curb and abandoned.

The main character's love interest is plausible, but not without a pool of complications: he likely would be disgusted with himself (if he is in denial) but desperate to explore the pleasure he is finding. If he has accepted himself as gay, but is still closeted, his emotions would function differently, but his actions might be extremely similar. If he is out, but still locked in a heteronormative mindset, he might want to act on his interest, but still feel residual guilt. In short, where your character is in the process of self-acceptance would play a large role in how he behaved.

And if a friend found my porn stash, I'd blame a sibling or say a "friend asked me to hold on to those".

[Lilitu]

Is it normal for a young man to not really think or question his sexuality until he turned 16?
I think it's probably a very very late age for a person to start thinking about their sexuality. Usually it should start perhaps a few years after puberty kicks in. I myself discovered that I was gay from when I was about 8 or 9.

I know that everyone must have their own different story, but if you are raised to be intolerant, do you think there would be steps, such as denial?
Yes, of course, if these were the only concepts you were exposed to, they'd naturally be the only one's you'd understand. It takes time and immersion to understand different concepts, and longer to accept them.

If you grew up in an homophobic home, would you come out to your parents even though you knew it would end badly, or would you try to hide it from them?
It would depend on how much I liked the hypothetical parents, but as a general answer yes, I think it might be too uncomfortable for most people not to.

So, in our story, our main character develops feelings for another man. He was brought up to be homophobic. He never thought to question his sexuality because of how he was brought up. How plausible is this scenario?
I think if there no hints at all it would be strange, as something that important couldn't possibly be completely suppressed by nurture.

What if one of your friends found your porn stash before you came out? How would you explain it and what if they didn't approve?
... I'm really not sure how I would deal with that, but that's probably because I've never really been in a very homophobic environment. As for pornography itself that would be a whole lot more embarrassing. I really don't know what I would do.

[Undreamt]

You have missed a BIG BIG issue. Most people don't question their sexuality until someone else points it out to them. Even then many people will deny/repress or think something completely different.

There are alot of people that don't know they are gay and are living in unhappy marriages because something just doesn't feel right.
There are alot of people that have gay sex and refuse to admit that they are anything other than straight.


Is it normal for a young man to not really think or question his sexuality until he turned 16?
Age is irrelevant, some kids are younger some are older, some people "have always known they were gay", but alot of people are also niave and don't know what they are untill much later.

Looking back at it now I realise I had a crush on a boy when i was 13, but I didn't know I was gay until I was 19. I just thought everyone had the same feelings I had and that I'd be attracted to girls when I started dating one.


I know that everyone must have their own different story, but if you are raised to be intolerant, do you think there would be steps, such as denial?

Well that is stating the obvious, read up on people "on the down low", or look up the Kinsey scale, or Laud Humphreys and the tearoom trade. There are more people that have some level of homosexual desires than there are people who have absolutly no interest.

If you grew up in an homophobic home, would you come out to your parents even though you knew it would end badly, or would you try to hide it from them?

Again many people don't ever come out.


So, in our story, our main character develops feelings for another man. He was brought up to be homophobic. He never thought to question his sexuality because of how he was brought up. How plausible is this scenario?

Considering that it happens all the time yeah i'd say pretty plausible.

What if one of your friends found your porn stash before you came out? How would you explain it and what if they didn't approve?

There are plenty of ways to explain it away or sometimes you don't need to.


Not to be overly harsh but your questions are a little bit simplistic, if your going to give the character depth and avoid stereotypes then it would be worthwhile doing more research.

The whole finding the porn stash gets covered in the UK version of shameless.
I'd also recommend watching some movies with gay themes, they might be cheesey and cliche but it would give you more perspective than what you seem to have currently.
The movies "The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy" and "But I'm a cheerleader" both have characters that don't realise that they are gay until someone else forces them to acknowledge the issue.

[Rumble88]

I'm muslim and i'm from Turkey. You do the math about ''homophobic society''. And i have to appriciate their way of organisation, i didn't even knew the gay term. I tought my hormones wasn't working or something like that since i am not attracted to girls AT ALL. I waited untill high school and ignored the attraction to male gender part because it looked like i was the only one who had these feelings and i felt wrong. Then i discovered foreign tv series. They had gay characters in them. I was so surprised and felt.. not alone for the first time. I don't think im alone or wrong anymore thanks to other gay people. And gayspeak helped me a lot. I want to thank everyone for being here.

[zeon]

Questions

My writing partner and I do not want to you to take these questions the wrong way. We are simply trying to develop a natural, relatable main character. Personally, I think gay relationships are exactly the same as straight relationships, only its two guys/two women rather than a man and a women, except for some reason, people have a problem with it. Therefor, as a writer, you can probably understand my frustration to constantly see gay stereotypes in movies and books. Gay men/women are exactly the same as straight men/women, except for the attraction preference. People are people, nothing more, nothing less. However, since there are so many intolerant people in the world, we understand that 'coming out' and/or accepting yourself isn't exactly the easiest for most people to do. It is our only intention to make sure we get this character's thoughts and emotions in the right place, so thank you guys again for helping us out.


Is it normal for a young man to not really think or question his sexuality until he turned 16?

A lot of young people who are unsure of their sexuality during teenage years often start out experimenting which is a fact of life. I would say for me personally i knew i was different at 12 and lost my virginity at 12. Did i question my sexuality?? No to me it was just different but pretty much normal. I didnt find girls a turn on in my class and when it came to sex education that was not that enjoyable either as all i wanted to do was get on with things.. At 16 i soon realised that the word gay didnt mean stupid with the help of the internet when typing in something kids would say at school for a project i soon discovered it infact ment what i was

I know that everyone must have their own different story, but if you are raised to be intolerant, do you think there would be steps, such as denial?

If people were taught to accept people for who they are and not what they are then there would be no need for denial in the world... All denial bought for people was fear depression and in some extreme cases suicide/self harm

If you grew up in an homophobic home, would you come out to your parents even though you knew it would end badly, or would you try to hide it from them?

As a agony aunt on this site I would like to express that in a lot of cases members of the forum some gone and some remain especially in areas it is not accepted through lack of education many find turning to a place like this forum is the only way out. In a homophobic society it can be somewhat difficult to come out however people do come out and usually but not always familes can change their views depending on how they see fit to do so.. For example my ex partner was a gypsy and he found the courage to admit his sexuality and come out and when he did his family welcomed it with open arms and told him that everything is alright and stood by him. I had homophobia from my nan when i first came out but now she has accepted it and understands the aspect of my life and has realised the way things were... Its time to change...

So, in our story, our main character develops feelings for another man. He was brought up to be homophobic. He never thought to question his sexuality because of how he was brought up. How plausible is this scenario?

That sounds fair enough yet most homophobia is people who are frightened of their own shadows and sadly cannot accept desires they had within. Homophobia isnt something that is an instinct it is something that is taught. To explain this further aracniphobia and being petrified of spiders your intitial reaction from within is a panic attack and either to kill it or run away from it and this phobia is formed because your mind doesnt understand how a spider has eight legs and moves the way it does so it dismisses it and instructs the fear and when we fear soemthing we are responding to natures way of protecting ourselves.

What if one of your friends found your porn stash before you came out? How would you explain it and what if they didn't approve?

If one of my friends found my porn stash i would be open and honest because a true friend would be... If they didnt accept it i would then cease to be friends because a true friend will stand by and support no matter what. I would also ask them what gives them the right to tell me how my life is when im not telling them how their life is and i would kindly remind them... What made you straight and fall in love and have sexual intercourse with a woman is what made me gay and fall in love and have sexual intercourse with a man... Its known as nature.

Thanks again for the help everyone.

Anymore info please post away :-)
Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak agony aunt