Spending more time with my partner?

[Roots]

Hello all,

I'm looking for some guidance on how to communicate my needs in spending more quality time with my partner without being pushy. First I would like to give a brief summery of my situation.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for six months and two months into the relationship we mutually discussed live together. I moved in and we formed a happy balance of responsibility within our living.

During the end of that month he got news about loosing his Job and this devastated him.
It caused stress on our relationship and because he didn't want to make me worry he was not to be upfront about the situation in detail, I knew something was wrong but just didn't know the extent.

So I became needy within my worries and was overly expressive with my emotions, not realizing in the process that I was causing him added stress. I was a bit immature to be honest.

It got to the point where he asked for some space and we both agreed that his levels of stress where effecting our relationship. Yet our love for each other was still crystal clear... I decided to move out and he assured me that we would work through this when he found more stability in his life and peace of mind.

For me it was hard because these are the times I would draw closer with my partner but not everyone deals with stress that way...

During the past month and some odd days we have been seeing each other on the weekends and keeping daily communication on the phone.. I have been patient with him and made needed sacrifices for the health of our relationship.

He recently found out that the company is offering him a new position and that he will not be loosing his Job. I was very happy to hear this and very supportive, he told me that his hours of work will increase but he will still have the weekends off.

I have been in a sense walking on egg shells and not being pushy with seeing him more.
It's part of my needs and though I am strong enough to keep patient... I can't sacrifice my desires forever.

He said that he would like for me to move in again "one day soon" and that he misses me being around very much. We discussed that we do not want to repeat the past and to take things slow. I also made it clear that if he did ask me to move in say tomorrow for example that I would not for the above reasons.

However I need to see more progress through action, now that he has less stress ( as he himself claims) I don't see why we can't spend a day during the week together and slowly work our way up to more. I know he works very hard daily but such is life... I too have my own career path.

He like myself have our own friends and hobbies outside of the relationship so I can't expect every weekend to be devoted to time together.. I am happy that he spends a weekend or two going backpacking with his friends, it's his thing and I am glad to see him doing it.

However if he can't spend the weekend with me why not spend a couple days during the week? I know he works but I don't keep him awake and go to fall asleep with him at a reasonable time.

So within knowing everything stated above.. How I do communicate without being confrontational and reminding him of my past episodes of neediness.

This past month and a half has been really strong for me because it has helped me self reflect on where I made mistakes and strengthened my levels of patience.

I am not here to be a "weekend boyfriend" . I just want a little more time, he claims I am a priority in his life and I know that time doesn't equal love...

I just need help because I'm thin ice here....

The better our weekend together ( and they are amazing I might add) the harder it is during the week for me.

Thanks guys for taking the time to listen and help, I'm looking for blunt upfront advice

[pellaz]

i dont see why you moved out in the first place? Once you left maybe you should have kept going and never looked back because a true relationship is for bettor or worse. Both partners participate in both the good and bad times.

[ThatRobGuy]

If you feel like you need more time with him to be fully engaged in the relationship, talk to him about it and let him know. If he won't give it to you and you feel it's time to get back into the swing of things with him, then maybe it's time to pursue other options. It just seems if things are improving in his work life and you two are still so very much in love, he should welcome spending more time with you without any hesitation.

[HomeagainNYC]

However I need to see more progress through action,

I think you may have answered your own question about where you stand in this relationship. Based on what I read your life has revolved around your boyfriend and his issues. Nowhere do I see where he has reciprocated.

Your relationship has not been a extremely long one, but if this is how he handles life’s problems with his partner - then you will probably need to get use to those egg shells - if you’re planning on staying.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

There are plenty of sites on line that discuss how to effectively communicate.

BOTH of you need to study up and apply those ideas. Sure one of you can hunt them up, but both of you need to study/read and talk about what you read.

All of this sounds very convoluted to me, and I feel that there is a lot more going on than what meets the eye. I see a good deal of immaturity in the way he handles stress.

You may want to seriously reconsider this relationship.

[Roots]

There is more to my story than what meets the eye but because I didn't want to type a novel I tried to sum it up as best as I could.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read my side of the story and reply in honesty.

I have put a lot of effort in being a support system for him, I have been quite compassionate.
There has been some improvements over the course of him getting his life back on track, he has been there for me emotionally a bit more than in the past.

I just want to express myself more without reminding him of old patterns.
Truly I am not perfect but I have learned a lot from this past "bump" in the road.. Not only about him but mostly about myself.

What is hard is the way we connect when we are together.. It's very spiritual and soulful but it leaves me missing him when I go back home during the week.. I do try my best to carry it within me until I see him next but I can only grin and bare it so long.....

I am going to try to work through this, as an above poster stated.. it's about the hard times and the good times and going through those motions together.

Why does he try to push people away when he goes through stress? He claims that he does it to not hurt others and bring people down. I think because of how he was raised he has had high expectations pushed on him and thus has high expectations for himself.

However it's to the point where if things are not lined up just so.. he feels like why am I with him?

Time alone will tell but I am trying to not loose myself in this journey either.