02-06-2013, 09:11 AM
Hi, I prefer not to give my name so just call me confused.
Anyway first of all I like girls and I have had sex with a woman.... but my bisexual tendancies seem to be getting stronger, I have never had sex with a man (and I have had the opportunity) but I keep having fantasies about it, I started occasionally looking at tranny sites when I was about 15, for some reason it just turned me on but I never started visiting gay sites until I was about 19, I felt really bad about my self the first time I did but I was very turned on but until the last couple years it was mostly lesbian sites (which I still visit but alot less often now)
Up until about the age of 20 I was mostly into girls though and that's when I met my first girlfriend, me and her were nothing alike but I was with her for a year, she cheated on me twice, the last time was about a week ago and I broke it off with her.
I got angry at women and lately I have really been craving men and especially TS girls, no one knows that I'm confused, It's really affecting my confidence to the point that I take pills so I can better interact with people and hide my sexuality, although it's not always easy, when something gay is talked about on TV and someone is in the room I sometimes turn red, when I do I get really scared they will find out who I really am.
I think alot of people are suspicious and I'm scared because I don't want to be rejected, especially by my father, when he and I were younger and still to today we would make fun of "fags" of course I don't actually have a problem with gay people but I always pretend I don't like them so people won't know who I am.
Well up until today I always just dismissed my sexuality, what changed was the fact that I got really interested in this guy I talked to at college today, he had all the traits I wanted from a "perfect woman" (except he wasn't womanly, just average in his masculinaty) I only talked to him once but we talked for like an hour and I actually missed half my class to keep talking to this guy! (because I had never met ANYONE who understood me so well and who I had so much in common with) This is the first big time crush I have had on a guy (in an emotional way) he is really smart and the only person I have ever met that has all the qualities I want in a partner (he's so smart, cute and nice) the only difference is that I always expected I would find tihs in a woman, not a man.
I exchanged email's with him and he took my phone number for some reason I completly trusted him, more than anyone I have ever met, I don't know if he's gay or straight but he seemed to like me alot (at least as a friend, I can't tell if he was attracted to me or not) in terms of body language, he made great eye contact and was coming really close to my personal space (like really close to my face, I backed away just a little bit because I didn't kow what to do) I told him I had low confidence because there were things I didn't like about my self (but I didn't way what) and he said I should just love my self, also said I had a high intillect, it made me feel really good.
I've never really crushed on a man in an emotional way, just always sexual. (and it's almost never a man I know, it's always guys on the internet)
He said he would call me and email me, now all of a sudden I'm feeling like I want to be with this man (at least once) and I always made a vow I would never be with a man in that way!
He seemed really open minded, he said cultural norms mean nothing, is that a hint?
I'm terrifyed and excited at the same time.
1. Please please help me cope with the stress of pretending to be someone else everyday, It's destroying my life!
2. hypothetically if I were to come out or at least secretly be with a guy how would I do this. (I really just want to try something in secret, evan if it's not with this guy)
3. Do you all think this guy is gay/bi? and do you think he might like me, or was flirting with me?
PLEASE HELP, I'M SO CONFUSED MY LIFE FEELS REALLY SCARY RIGHT NOW, I DON'T WANT TO BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS (evan though I don't really act gay at all, if someone met me they would think I was an average straight guy)
IF I PRETEND TO HATE GAYS (I REALLY DON'T PLEASE DON'T BE MEAN TO ME) WILL IT COVER UP MY SEXUALITY? OR IS IT LESS SUSPICIOUS TO JUST ACT LIKE I DON'T CARE?
I'm sorry I'm typing in caps, I'm just really upset and scared, PLEASE PLEASE HELP!
Anyway first of all I like girls and I have had sex with a woman.... but my bisexual tendancies seem to be getting stronger, I have never had sex with a man (and I have had the opportunity) but I keep having fantasies about it, I started occasionally looking at tranny sites when I was about 15, for some reason it just turned me on but I never started visiting gay sites until I was about 19, I felt really bad about my self the first time I did but I was very turned on but until the last couple years it was mostly lesbian sites (which I still visit but alot less often now)
Up until about the age of 20 I was mostly into girls though and that's when I met my first girlfriend, me and her were nothing alike but I was with her for a year, she cheated on me twice, the last time was about a week ago and I broke it off with her.
I got angry at women and lately I have really been craving men and especially TS girls, no one knows that I'm confused, It's really affecting my confidence to the point that I take pills so I can better interact with people and hide my sexuality, although it's not always easy, when something gay is talked about on TV and someone is in the room I sometimes turn red, when I do I get really scared they will find out who I really am.
I think alot of people are suspicious and I'm scared because I don't want to be rejected, especially by my father, when he and I were younger and still to today we would make fun of "fags" of course I don't actually have a problem with gay people but I always pretend I don't like them so people won't know who I am.
Well up until today I always just dismissed my sexuality, what changed was the fact that I got really interested in this guy I talked to at college today, he had all the traits I wanted from a "perfect woman" (except he wasn't womanly, just average in his masculinaty) I only talked to him once but we talked for like an hour and I actually missed half my class to keep talking to this guy! (because I had never met ANYONE who understood me so well and who I had so much in common with) This is the first big time crush I have had on a guy (in an emotional way) he is really smart and the only person I have ever met that has all the qualities I want in a partner (he's so smart, cute and nice) the only difference is that I always expected I would find tihs in a woman, not a man.
I exchanged email's with him and he took my phone number for some reason I completly trusted him, more than anyone I have ever met, I don't know if he's gay or straight but he seemed to like me alot (at least as a friend, I can't tell if he was attracted to me or not) in terms of body language, he made great eye contact and was coming really close to my personal space (like really close to my face, I backed away just a little bit because I didn't kow what to do) I told him I had low confidence because there were things I didn't like about my self (but I didn't way what) and he said I should just love my self, also said I had a high intillect, it made me feel really good.
I've never really crushed on a man in an emotional way, just always sexual. (and it's almost never a man I know, it's always guys on the internet)
He said he would call me and email me, now all of a sudden I'm feeling like I want to be with this man (at least once) and I always made a vow I would never be with a man in that way!
He seemed really open minded, he said cultural norms mean nothing, is that a hint?
I'm terrifyed and excited at the same time.
1. Please please help me cope with the stress of pretending to be someone else everyday, It's destroying my life!
2. hypothetically if I were to come out or at least secretly be with a guy how would I do this. (I really just want to try something in secret, evan if it's not with this guy)
3. Do you all think this guy is gay/bi? and do you think he might like me, or was flirting with me?
PLEASE HELP, I'M SO CONFUSED MY LIFE FEELS REALLY SCARY RIGHT NOW, I DON'T WANT TO BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS (evan though I don't really act gay at all, if someone met me they would think I was an average straight guy)
IF I PRETEND TO HATE GAYS (I REALLY DON'T PLEASE DON'T BE MEAN TO ME) WILL IT COVER UP MY SEXUALITY? OR IS IT LESS SUSPICIOUS TO JUST ACT LIKE I DON'T CARE?
I'm sorry I'm typing in caps, I'm just really upset and scared, PLEASE PLEASE HELP!