Dilemma

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie regardless of the people you meet ,remember you have the power to say "no thank you."

[MisterTinkles]

So basically, I am in a real dilemma. I am introverted and I have trouble meeting gay people. The LGBT group on my campus is really cliquey and I'm afraid I'll meet the wrong people (meaning just the guys who only want sex) at gays bars. I'm 21 and I've never had a real relationship. I really hate this...I don't want to force anything either. Any advice?

Shuckle just because

Yes, I know what you mean. I also thought I could find some friends via groups like gay book clubs, art groups, friendly get togethers, etc....and they ALL turned out to be JUST like going to the bars. ALL cliques and players.

I would suggest leaving the gay groups alone, because they are more than likely ALL going to be that way...and join some other "regular" groups.....museum groups, art groups, movie/book groups, bowling teams, etc.... You will be surprised how many gay people hate gay groups and join "regular" groups for all people.

Start your own group. Whatever your most favorite hobby is, start a group on that.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Just because your friends are sluts and run the risk of dying young from some gawd awful disease doesn't mean that you will.

Some of my best friends in the world were sluts, and yeah a few of them died from AIDS a shame. But they had friends who were un-slutty and potential mates.

If you plan on finding a partner its going to need a little networking, putting your shingle out there so people can see. Shingle is not an euphemism for 'sex'.

DO adopt a 30 day no sex policy, and tell potential mates that you are looking for a serious relationship not just a hook up and have that 30 day no sex policy. That should shoot down the majority looking for a one night stand. There are, however, a few in the world who will do anything to mark you up as a conquest... but a month of talking, and getting to know them should reveal their nature.

Go have fun, make new friends... If there is a mate out there for you who meets your standards he might be introduced to you via a 'slut'.....

[Undreamt]

question - What is so bad about sex?

Just because someone else wants something and you don't, or if your unsure or what ever, there is no reason that you have to avoid this great big world and miss out on experiencing bars and clubs and events and parties just because someone might be picturing you naked.

You don't have to go home with anyone, you don't have to kiss them you don't have to respond in any way if you don't want to.

Some people like flirting, hell some people will hit on you because they see how uncomfortable it makes you. (from my experience drag queens especially love to do this)

[livingproof]

I didn't say it was bad. I just want something more.

[Hayden]

So basically, I am in a real dilemma. I am introverted and I have trouble meeting gay people. The LGBT group on my campus is really cliquey and I'm afraid I'll meet the wrong people (meaning just the guys who only want sex) at gays bars. I'm 21 and I've never had a real relationship. I really hate this...I don't want to force anything either. Any advice?

Shuckle just because

Jesus tapdancing Christ, did my slightly younger self travel forward in time and lament his troubles on GaySpeak? Am I Joseph Gordon Levitt in Looper? Where's My Gold!!!!

Anywho...

You will be surprised how many gay people hate gay groups and join "regular" groups for all people.

I agree with Mister Tinkles.... never thought I'd say that (that's a direct quote from CardiganWearer).

If you're truly an introvert and truly feel uncomfortable at gaybars and such, then seriously, don't go. I am admittedly projecting my own feelings and experiences here (but that's all any of us have to work with, right?) but clubs and groups are right for some people and really really not right for others. I've tried forcing myself to "get involved" and such at the suggestion of several less socially anxious than I. Some people don't understand it. Now, I'm not telling you to hole yourself up somewhere. But if you want to meet a guy you can connect with and all that then redirect that energy and drive and desire into a passion of yours. You like writing? Write! Write crazy shit. Play music. Act. Sculpt. Build refrigerators. Bake scones...

I'm getting side tracked, and I'm hungry.

My point is there's nothing sexier than a someone with passion for life. Us introverts have a tendency to be some mega Debbie Downers. When you commit yourself to something outside your "self" you tend to be a happier, magnetic and social person without even realizing it, and by putting yourself out there as an interesting person, you're more likely to meet who are less likely the "hook-up" type. It also helps you not dwell on what you don't have.

I babbled a lot, and I know that's all probably dissatisfactory advice, but I hope some of this made sense. In the end, do whatever the fuck you want to do. You only live once, and then your dead!