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05-02-2013, 06:57 AM

Ok, to inform readers, I'm a high school student, age 16.
There's this one guy I like. Well, it's really love. We went to Germany, on an exchange, together and it was there I realized I liked him. I told him. He said 'I like you as a friend. We probably won't ever go out. That was in November.
Since then my feelings have grown and intensified. He's in my thoughts and dreams, almost all of them non-sexual. I care and defend for him, even if he doesn't know it.
In December I told him I loved him but I need him in my life so we should just be friends. He was happy with that.
I'm still in love and write him a letter every night after my nightly journal entry. They help me deal with my emotions. But what should I do? Tell him I still love him and possibly get rejected? Or keep it in and just be content with what I have?
Now before some high and mighty person sats 'You're a teen, you don't know what love is!' Yeah I do. I can accept myself, my flaws, and my past. I know love, hate, pain, forgiveness. I had to grow up faster than most have and he accepts me and my all my qualities, both good and bad.
So, please, advice?

05-02-2013, 08:33 AM

First, disclaimer: I have no idea about love or anything. I've never fallen in love or anything of the sort, so it;s really just a thought, and an insignificant one at that.

I think you should leave the matter alone. You can't make someone love you; if he does love you, coaxing him won't do any good.

Kenny221 · 05-02-2013, 08:40 AM

Okay... Im 17 , and I know what you mean when you said that you really do love him. Some may call us foolish, but it still hurts and I know how much it hurts. I do believe that you should leave the matter alone before you scare him away....from what I can tell, he seems straight? If so then I think you should be grateful that he didn't run away yet....and if he's gay then I still think you should leave the matter alone...I know how much it hurts...but sometimes its just how things goes....I know what you're going through...and "the heart wants what it wants" but this is a good experience for you.....as a homosexual, we're bound to end up crushing on someone that will never return our feelings...this is a good experience for you to control your emotions and leave those feelings alone when it's called for. I personally haven't had any luck getting over my crush, but I'm trying... and it's just one of many things we gotta learn to do in life....

05-02-2013, 08:53 AM

You will ruin a perfectly good friendship with a HETEROSEXUAL* friend if you keep professing your love for him and to him.

* Everyone is heterosexual when they tell you they are heterosexual or until they tell you they are other wise inclined.

05-02-2013, 09:21 AM

I know exactly where you're coming from, and I have to say that the feeling is honestly the worst heartache ever. Loving someone that doesn't feel the same way about you, and it's unlikely their mind will change. Here's my story:

I've been best friends with this guy for 3, almost 4 years. We've both been in and out of relationships constantly, and we were just friends. No feelings whatsoever. Well, a year ago that changed. I fell for him, without knowing. And I confessed my feelings to him, and he told me he "loved me as a friend." It was the most shocking thing to hear, because sometimes we feel so sure of something.. Not to mention how much it hurt. Well back in January he got out of a long relationship with this girl, and told me he was never dating again. I just got out of a relationship too, and STILL feel like I cannot date. I had 3 weeks before I was leaving Florida to move to Maryland btw. We hung out often, and we were single, so we found ourselves falling for each other. Or at least I did. I eventually ended up agreeing to a fwb kinda thing, and I had sex with him not realizing the mess I was getting myself into. I fell for him even harder, to the point where he's pushed me out of his life, due to the fact that I felt uncomfortable with him telling me about his love/sex life. He kinda led me on, and is now in a relationship with a different girl. After saying he didn't want a relationship with me cx or anyone else. Now I still love him, and he doesn't give a single damn.

It hurts, and I know you're hurt. Maybe thinking "what can I do to change his mind?" Or maybe thinking there's something wrong with you, or just feeling super broken. But honestly, you need to realize that there is someone out there for all of us. And these pains that we endure now, seem like such a big deal, but a year or 5 years from now, you'll look back and realize it was nothing. It's hard to give up like that, especially for hard-headed people like me. cx But all you can do now, is realize that this is YOUR LIFE. And if he doesn't want the pleasure of being with you, then it's his loss, not yours. Save that love for someone who deserves it in the future. Get him off your mind, and don't wait. Drown yourself in positive thoughts, and things that you love doing. Change it up a bit, and try something new. Or surround yourself with friends, and things that don't remind you of him. Don't feel foolish, and don't push any feelings to where it can destroy your friendship (like mine -_-). You're 17! cx You have so much time on your hands, just have fun.

And you're not alone. I know it's hard, but pleeeeeeenty of other people are experiencing this just like us. And plenty of people have experienced this, and made it through.

xoxo Butter

05-02-2013, 10:17 PM

Just a guess; I think he would still hang around if you told him you really really like him. Just think how it's unfair to impose your preferences on him.

How will you feel when he finds a girl friend?

05-03-2013, 07:40 AM

ok yeah... I realize now I should've said he's gay. And we're ok as it is, so maybe I'll leave the issue alone. Thanks.

05-03-2013, 04:19 PM

That does change things a bit if you know he's into guys. You still risk loseing your freindship but for diffrent reasons. He may not feel the same about you and if you tell him things could get awkward. But conversely you have chance. Fortune favors the bold as they say.

05-03-2013, 11:44 PM

Ya, I'd say keep it to yourself for now.... you've already professed your "love" to him, and he gave you an honest straight forward answer.

Just accept his friendship, and be content with knowing that you at least have that.

If you are bursting at the seams, and can't tolerate the fact that he currently doesn't share the same feelings, it's best to let the friendship go because you're torturing yourself, wasting your time being fixated on him, and will more than likely scare him away with any further advances.

Kenny221 · 05-03-2013, 11:47 PM

That doesn't change much either way... He's not into you unfortunately, and the best you can do is push aside those feelings and enjoy the wonderful friendship you two are sharing.