Insecurity in Relationship

[connorkennedy]

I have been with my boyfriend for the last 2 years and still find myself constantly comparing myself to him. Every time I look at pictures of the two of us I cannot help but feel like I am not good enough for him. By no means does my boyfriend make me feel this way. He always tells me how attracted he is to me but I still think of myself as the less attractive one. I find it hard being in a same sex relationship because we are comparing apples with apples in a sense.

People tell me that I am the more 'manly' looking one and he is the 'cuter' more feminine one but when people tell me this it just makes me wish I was the cuter one. I have been struggling with this issue for some time and just feel like when people see us together they question what hes doing with me. I don't want to have to feel like the uglier one of the two. I hate feeling like gay guys desire him more than me.

People tell me its all in my head and I'm crazy but I just feel like no one would really tell me if I was the uglier one. I don't know why it causes me so much anxiety but it does and continues to do so.

Any advice or experience would be greatly appreciated.

All the best

[pellaz]

Its what you guys bring to the table that make things add up to more than 2.0; i am trying to say it is more complex than who looks more cute or ugly. I guess people notice the appearance thing quick and fast but it dosnt scratch the surface. Sit your self down and write a list of things that you do or would like to contribute to the relationship.

With or with out a relationship you still are the same person. It will not make you better or worse for it and if it the relationship were to end you are still as capable to continue your life and find another. Tho a good husbands are difficult to find.

[HomeagainNYC]

In general you sound like a very lucky guy to me, you're in a 2 year relationship. Your boy friend let's you know how attractive you are to him, people describe you as "Manley".

I don't see the analogy about comparing apples to apples; in your scenario you are only comparing physical features. If you did use that scenario - who would judge, everyone see things differently. It's probably a pretty even split of how many people would prefer manly over cute.

Every time you allow yourself to think that your less attractive, you're only reenforcing a negative thought about yourself - don't do that to yourself.

Instead think about the positive things you're boy friend and friends have told you, and after a while you will reenforce a positive though about your.

[pellaz]

oops there are two posts that are the same
no big tho

[golias]

Maby you can force your bf to eat all the time,then he weighs 300 pounds and looks uglier than you.If you feel that you are not good enough for him,you can improve your inner sides to
fit him.Looks cannot change.To me having a lot of cool hot guys is a paradise scene!(That's only my day-dream,in reality I absolutely believe in monogamy) You are lucky to have
a goodlooking dude!Don't be bothered!:biggrin:

[Rainbowmum]

I think you are underestimating yourself while you compare with him.
Try to see what he sees in you , and you are good enough for him and any one.

You are worthy of love for who you are .

[Aeneas]

your insecurity only enhances your unattractiveness.


its like when you make a mistake and suspect few if anyone has noticed - you should not apologise for it, or explain yourself for it, or offer excuses - because it just draws attention to the fact you ****** up. you should change subject asap.

if you believe you are as good as he is, he will see it that way too - which ironically enough he already does (or he is just way too nice or in love atm).

and don't forget - his conception of *beauty* might (and probably is) different from yours. he might not even notice his own clone if he bumped into it in a club. there are qualities in you, apparently, that he values a lot in order to be with you for two years. those too count, even if they are not as visible at first sight.

[Viltans]

I understand you*; sometimes I feel the same with my boyfriend ( we've been together for 4 years now) I so admire him for his force, his courage and his intelligence that sometimes I find it hard to find the sames skills and capacities (inside or in?) myself...

But unlike you, I would never let this inferiority feeling ruin me and my relationship because the most important thing to my eyes is being me, and being loved by him... No matter what other people think.

[gilhooly]

You are a lot more vain than your cute friend. Give up your insecurities for Lent. Prepare for a joyous Easter with a good looking guy.

GOOD LUCK.