Hi. So, this past weekend I had my 3rd and 4th date with a guy that I like lots, and we took things to the next level. He told me that "I'm Amazing" and that he had "the best night of his life." Since then, I've invited him to attend a group hangout for my birthday with some friends, and he called me last night to discuss that, and that resulted in him telling me he wants to slow things down. He said he likes me a lot, and wants to keep seeing me, but he's not ready for a relationship, and he's not ready for people to know that he's in one. He said it's not fair to me to keep doing physical things that are meant for people in a relationship, and for me to not get to be in one, so he wants to pull back a little, and just hang out more and get to know each other better for a while. He was also very unsure about attending the birthday hangout, because he thought going to a group event with my friends was a big step that he wasn't sure he wanted to take, and we discussed that at great length, and he decided he would still come, as long as I let everyone know what page we're on, and that we're not officially in a relationship, and just hanging out, and all that crap....So, what I'm wondering is....what's happening here? Is it something to slowly end what we have going on? Or is everything exactly as it seems? Should I be scared? Should I be excited?
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No one but your potential boyfriend can answer that.
If it was me, I'd give it a go. Sounds like he could be a nice guy. Try not to over-think things, relationships are not based on logic and anything can happen, so don't worry about it.
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He recently came out, to friends and family, about 4 months ago. He said he's not ready for them to have to deal with a relationship now, too....I'm sure this all has things to do with his comfort levels based on coming out, but if we continue to do things with my friends, or in places where he won't be recognized, I wouldn't think there would be an issue, or a need to slow things down....I guess I think it's a combination of both of those scenarios. We did move pretty fast, and I'm fine with slowing things down....I'm just hoping his mixed feelings about relationships and things won't turn him off to the whole idea of me in general.
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Hmm. Tentatively I would agree with Older...
However re-reading your other threads you started I wonder if there isn't more to this that is going on.
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I find this to be very common among gay men's behaviour is that they get a little edgy/scared and instantly pull back when a "relationship" is forming.
Well at least this is just from my own point of view and observations but id suggest just keep it slow, if you really like the guy and can see a possible future with him then be prepared to go slow at the start.
It took me just over 1 year before my man finally felt comfortable and wanted to be in a relationship with me.
Just give the man his time and space and dont read into every little detail as that will just make you spin left, right and centre.
But most of all just enjoy yourself and let it all for naturally, dont force it.
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Maybe he is just spooked , it happens especially if he is still in the closet to most people.
He wants to go slow ,why not give him some time.
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oh no...
you never ever present your friends to a guy you just recently met.
what were you thinking?
he hardly knows you and suddenly you are showing him off as a trophy to your gang?
ill tell you what will happen: he will feel odd and out of place as he isn't yet sure how you two stand - and yet, there he is surrounded by your mates. will you hug and kiss him in front of them? - he will wonder. will he get asked: "so how did you two meet"? woah!
and as for *you* - do you feel you can really trust a guy you just met not to flirt with a friend of yours? if he does, can you be sure its flirting and not him being friendly?
the fact that this guy warned you about your mistake is a GREAT PLUS. other people might not even answer your calls any more or just tell you "its not you, its me".
do not take this guy to a birthday party just yet. nor to hang out with your promiscuous, dirty friends.
on the day he does meet your friends, you have to be sure the relationship is on solid ground after you have spent quality time together first.
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