Does he want more?

[BunnehBoi]

Heya guys I need some advice... bear with me, there is a bit of explaination involved.

I have a friend who I'm interested in, and I'm not sure if he's interested back.

We met a few months ago through my best friend. We didnt really chat all that much the first few times we hung out (we were hanging out in a group) but after a while we got to chatting and started to hang out more. We chat pretty much every day either by sms, facebook or phone. We hang out on our days off together, and talk about everything.

He's a very open and extroverted person generally, as am I.

He's also just gotten out of a LTR about 2 months ago, and told me that he wasnt looking for a relationship at the moment as he isnt over his ex-bf. He's also sleeping around with this other guy, but doesnt want to date him, he's just after the sex.

Now to the crux of it. I really like him, we are so compatible in every way right down to preferences in the bedroom (which we have talked about in detail lol), but I'm not sure if he likes me the same way back. We keep having little moments when we'll be lying on his bed playing something and he will rest his arm against mine quite firmly and not move it. We've fallen asleep after partying and end up snuggling the whole night. When we're alone he seems totally into me, but when we are around other people he backs off... He's teased me about being jealous of the other guy...

I'm not sure what to do, because I dont want to lose the friendship I value greatly, but I want more out of it... am I being delusional or narrow sighted? I'm not sure if I should push for more, declare intentions, break off the friendship, or what else to do...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

[jimcrackcorn]

At present, it sounds like he just wants to be good friends.

Give him time to heal from the previous relationship. Maybe in 2 or 3 months he will be ready. Keep in mind that he may still only desire to be friends with you, so keep your expectations in check.

Best Wishes.

[pellaz]

2 months might not be enough time to get over a long LTR or one with an emotional separation.

... When we're alone he seems totally into me, but when we are around other people he backs off... He's teased me about being jealous of the other guy ...

this could be a red flag:
-he is not wanting your relationship to be public
-if the "other guy" is only sex why dosnt he choose you too.

[Hayden]

Posts like this -- and they are somewhat common -- make me think I grew up on a different planet.

If I knew another gay guy who I snuggled with, fell asleep with, and discussed sex with, then the question of "hmmm, I wonder if he likes me?" would never enter my mind. It seems quite clear (to my admittedly primitive understanding of human relations) that the answer is yes. He seems to be putting out pretty clear signals. In all likelihood he is waiting for you to make a clear move.

If you decide to make a move and he declines, then I think the best course of action would be to declare him a psychopath, determine whether you're satisfied continuing a platonic relationship with him, and move on one way or the other.

Good luck!

Edit:

I guess there is the question of whether or not he would just be interested in you as a hook up. I would suggest making your intentions and expectations clear and not allow yourself to be put in a position of being used for sex.

Second Edit:

I feel I have a responsibility to point out that this advice is coming from a guy that thinks that every time a cute barista makes eye contact with him it obviously means that the barista wants to move to the country and start a family with him.

[jamiebfd]

Dont expect anything...things sound good atm so stick with it. Im sure it will happen if its meant to be. Maybe dont have sex and keep it friends only untill you know he is over the LTR. Then maybe have a chat and see how he feels.
Oh...if you do have sex be safe mate, he is going with the other guy so better not to risk anything. (no offence to your friend)
All the best. hope you find peace whatever happens x

[Aeneas]

LTRs are not easy to get over; especially if it all ended badly and the wounds are still open - the mere trauma of the brake-up has anyone running for the hills at the slightest hint of the world "relationship".

go easy. give him space. avoid sex with him if you know he is f****** around with others so that he won't see you in the future as one of his many casual dates when he is ready for anything more serious.

you may hint every now and again at the idea of a relationship, see what his reaction is, but i wouldn't press it.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

My Magic Ball Says Concentrate and ask again



Actually you have your answer:
He's also just gotten out of a LTR about 2 months ago, and told me that he wasnt looking for a relationship at the moment as he isnt over his ex-bf.

Unless you two talk about it and he has changed his mind, then you just have to accept that he wants to have crazy wild sex with this other dude and just your friendship.

I would take it as a positive sign that he isn't using you for 'just sex'. He may value your friendship a bit more than you think which MAY give hope for the future, once he is over his ex

[BunnehBoi]

Thankyou for the advice everyone. I shall keep everything in mind. It's a pretty tough situation to be in, as I've been out of a r/s for a while and finding someone to have so much in common with while being attracted to them is difficult.

Advice I've been getting from my friends has been mixed, either "go for it" or "let it go" neither of which is overly helpful lol

[Rainbowmum]

Give him more time ,and the next time he asks you if you are Jealous turn the tables on him and ask him If he wants you to be.

[MisterTinkles]

Some people prefer close friendship over relationships.

Id say he may be one of these people. Or he might just like to take things one small step at a time.

Dont push. Id let him do the 'driving'......see where it takes you.

If you get too frustrated, you can always talk to him about it. Im sure he wouldnt get mad.