I came out to myself my freshmen year in college to people at my school and friends from High School. I missed an opportunity with a guy and I told myself, I do not want to miss another. I guess after that I started to change clothes that actually fit me and skinny jeans and I liked it. I didn't become super flamey but according to people its obvious that I'm gay.
Before the start of my senior year, I told my sister and brother-in-law. Of course they already knew and so did their friends and they accept me and ever since then has been helpful and very pro-gay.
Now That I finished school and moved back home, I do not want to stop my life so of course I dated back home and still do. I hated my parents before I moved away for personal reasons, so I wanted to develop a relationship with them again and after a year, I started to not hate them anymore. It's almost been a year since then, I dated a few guys, made new friends.
A part of me wants to tell them but I just don't know how. I have a bad and good feeling about telling them. I have a place to stay if they kick me out, which I hope they won't. I want to tell them but I can never find the right time to do so. I get very nervous if I plan it out to tell them. When will it be the right time? or does it just happen?
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WHY should you tell anyone anything? Do "straight" people go around telling everybody they like the opposite sex? NO. Its just a part of life. You like them for who they are or go fuck off.
Whats so different about a man who prefers men, or a woman who prefers women? NO DIFFERENCE AT ALL. Just because you let yourself be brainwashed into all the media bullshit and propaganda, doesnt mean you need to go around professing your personal preferences to everyone. Its NONE of thier damn business.
REAL decent human beings will like YOU for YOU. If they dont like some aspect of your character or personal life, then thats THIER problem, not yours.
If other people want to think one thing about you, and then get pissed off because they find out what they thought was wrong, thats THEIR stupidity, not yours.
Just be you. Be a decent person, be a good human being. If people cant accept you for that, then fuck them all to hell.
Thats my "two cents".
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When I was 13. I said Fuck hiding....it went fine. I told my family at dinner...at desert. they said...Yea....and?
Not much Of a story, lol.
Mick
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MisterTinkles Wrote:WHY should you tell anyone anything? Do "straight" people go around telling everybody they like the opposite sex? NO. Its just a part of life. ... come out to your self if your straight or gay or bi. really important.
about 10 years ago the gays were encouraging each other to come out and be visible.
We are only slightly past this point. For example; there are a lot of gayspeak posts guys come out to their parents. You would think parent(s) would already know after living with the child for 15-20years.
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Coming out is something we want to nullify, something we don't want to be around. But as it is right now, coming out is a way to show yourself to the world without hiding.
I understand that no one wants to be put in the position of "having to come out". It should be a given that people are people, but the situation isn't like that right now...we are fighting for it and honestly, in many parts of the world, people are people. No more, no less. But we still have a long way to go, and coming out is still something many of us have to do if we want to be accepted by our surroundings, without having to live with the Heteronorm branding us at every turn.
I agree, however. No one should need to "come out". We are who we are and we love who we love, it isn't harder than that. But even though these are our thoughts, we cannot place them upon individuals who have lived their entire lives with conservative ideals. Many parents need it explained to them on a detailed level, not to take it with hayforks and torches. Even though a real, loving parent should NEVER react like that, many are still dependant on them for a while.
The best way to teach acceptance is through diplomacy, in my experience.
When I came out to my parents, I sat them down and spoke. There is no "good time" to do so, from what I have noticed. Just pick a day that isn't packed with chores, and tell them.
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MisterTinkles Wrote:WHY should you tell anyone anything? Do "straight" people go around telling everybody they like the opposite sex? NO. Its just a part of life. You like them for who they are or go fuck off.
Whats so different about a man who prefers men, or a woman who prefers women? NO DIFFERENCE AT ALL. Just because you let yourself be brainwashed into all the media bullshit and propaganda, doesnt mean you need to go around professing your personal preferences to everyone. Its NONE of thier damn business.
REAL decent human beings will like YOU for YOU. If they dont like some aspect of your character or personal life, then thats THIER problem, not yours.
If other people want to think one thing about you, and then get pissed off because they find out what they thought was wrong, thats THEIR stupidity, not yours.
Just be you. Be a decent person, be a good human being. If people cant accept you for that, then fuck them all to hell.
Thats my "two cents".
I understand what you mean and it would make perfect sense in an ideal world. However there are some reasons why coming out is a good idea:
1. It can be a great sign of trust towards your friends who in turn can give you support. Believe me, that's much needed especially for gay teens who have most likely contemplated suicide at one occasion or another.
2. Lots of people deal with guilt and insecurity. They feel like they're carrying on a secret. Nothing feels better than relieving yourself of that.
3. For some people it takes time for the message to sink in. I know I know, everyone should be fine with their daughters or sons being gay. But that's not really the case. If I just took home some guy one day and went "mom, dad this is my new boyfriend" they'd be shocked and possibly upset. If they knew since many years back that I like boys they'd have gotten the time to deal with the fact that my life as they presumed it'd turn out is not going to be part of reality. In that case they'd be prepared and probably happy for my sake rather than upser.
I know what you mean though, and in a lot of cases your way is probably the best solution: but don't act like the "not coming out at all" tactic works for everyone. We're all different and with different backgrounds.
As for myself, I first came out to my friends on our first trip to London when I was 16. We were in our apartment and had an admittedly shallow talk about how attractive british people are. One of my friends asked if I was gay, I said no. Then he asked if I was bisexual and I said yes. (I thought I was back then).
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I'm stuck on telling my ex girlfriend. We're fantastic friends now, broke up last summer after a 7 month thing we called a relationship. It was more like an excuse for us to hang out more, we weren't interested in sex. We never seemed to have a fall out either. I also made sure things didn't get too serious during the relationship. But I feel like I've decieved her for too long to come out now, I feel like a coward too because I've told like 4 other girls except the one I need to tell. It also never feels like the right moment to do it.
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Gyrix Wrote:I'm stuck on telling my ex girlfriend. We're fantastic friends now, broke up last summer after a 7 month thing we called a relationship. It was more like an excuse for us to hang out more, we weren't interested in sex. We never seemed to have a fall out either. I also made sure things didn't get too serious during the relationship. But I feel like I've decieved her for too long to come out now, I feel like a coward too because I've told like 4 other girls except the one I need to tell. It also never feels like the right moment to do it.
i reckon telling her would be a good thing ~
you're really good friends . so she should be totally fine with it . it might even make your friendship stronger , because she'll respect you for telling her something so important ~
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I told my wife, best friend and parents in person, everybody on facebook got a link to a blog entry, I didn't know how to go to each person, since I have pretty wide social circles.
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Everybody has to deal with what they are sexually whether they are gay/straight/bi what have you. the difference is social attitude which we're working to change. And WILL change down the line. And coming out IS an important step Cause.....you need to love and accept YOURSELF first.
Mick
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