Needing Advice

[krisbornreed]

I am 27 and my partner is 54. Age does not matter to us. we were together for two years and this past December I moved 6 hours from home to live with her. At first things were great. now I am getting homesick and just stupid little things greatly upset me. This is the first f/f relationship like this for both of us. I feel inexperienced. What is getting to me is things she days hurts me and don't know how to get her to stop. Its stupid stuff but I am a very sensitive person. also sick of she has local friends and cause I moved I don't. it was snoring tonight and we were going to go to a support group for diabetes as I have type one. Well we can't go. But if it was her friends she would be OK driving in the snow. then I asked for takeout for dinner as I am sick of frozen burgers and cereal. That got a smart remark. I just don't know how to get her to budge some and not upset me with how she says something.

[princealbertofb]

Hello young lady and to Gayspeak... What we usually recommend in situations like these is for you to sit her down and talk to her honestly about how you feel. It's important just to concentrate on how YOU feel and not to get into accusation mode. Just let her know why you are feeling despondent now, and why it is important that she take you out to that support group. Since it's snowing, maybe you can settle amicably on another date to go and join the group. She may tell you that she doesn't feel very confident driving in the snow, and that can be very true.

Really, I don't think the age difference is what is causing your problems but maybe you are in need of a sympathetic ear, especially when you feel homesick. Ask her if she could hear you out since you're suffering. Is your partner sensitive to your homesickness and have you mentioned it before?
Good luck with finding the guts to tell her how you feel.
in the meantime.

[princealbertofb]

By the way, you may feel inexperienced in this type of relationship but she must feel just the same way if it's also her first f/f relationship. That is also something that you shouldn't be ashamed of admitting to her, how you feel inexperienced and maybe inadequate. The best thing in a trusting relationship is when you can admit your hangups and maybe, together, combat them and find a better balance. But it takes work from both in the couple not to build problems up into major resentment. Work on it. It'll be worth it.

[MisterTinkles]

Unfortunately, even though AGE doesnt make a difference, TIME and LIFE LIVED does.

What may be everyday things to her....whether they are words, phrases, or actions...may seem mean and wrong to you. This may also be part of what is called "culture clash". She was raised during one era, you in another.

LOTS of age different couples have these issues, so you arent alone. The thing you have to remember is that she may seem to be "set in her ways", as you are trying your best to get along without causing friction.

This is not a good thing to be living with, since the only thing that will come out of this is more bad feelings and possibly some arguments.

I would suggest sitting her down and talking to her. Let her know what you are feeling, what her words and actions are doing to you. If she cares for you at all, she will listen and learn.

If talking doesnt work, you might try couples therapy. Sometimes a different perspective on the situation can help both of you out.

And I think you SHOULD be going to your diabetes classes, thats something you NEED, not something frivilous.


The key is communication, and LOTS of it.