Did I sound creepy?

[TomStatic]

Yeah these messages would have scared me off totally just because they are to out there esepically if i did not see it coming at all its abit to much , maybe if u spoke the words in person for me id not have been scared off , hope everything works out the way u want it to dude

[HomeagainNYC]

sometimes i did wonder if Gary is gay, otherwise he would have just replied telling me he's str8, that way he could have just stopped me from sending my second and third messages after i knew the truth. or maybe he was really freaked out. lol.

I don't mean this to sound harsh but even after all the feed back you've gotten, you still made this statement? As I read it, you believe he somehow deserved the second and third messages, because he did not respond the way you thought correct, to your first message. You invaded this man's space in a very unsettling way. Why should he have to respond at all, to your ill placed questions - just so you could satisfy your curiosity?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Oh I don't see this as creepy.

I get where you are coming from, as a gay man I have often wondered how to broach the subject with a guy who my gaydar screams 'He's gay' but there is no solid evidence.

I think the one big mistake is that you did this all in the span of a day. I personally would have given the first letter a couple three days to be answered...

Given that his sexuality is an unknown, and clearly if he is gay he is not out of the closet, having a few days to think about it before responding would have been nice.

Then you set this time limit for a response, really a bad move. You pressured him, assuming he is a closeted fellow that pressure may have had the opposite effect than what you intended.

In future, never suggest that a guy may be gay, or that he 'reads' or 'comes off' as being potentially gay. Too few people, even gay people, want to come of as being 'gay'. That is an immediate shut down.

Do express why you find them attractive, their nice personality, their charming wit, how well they hold the chainsaw when standing over you threatening to cut off your head.. you know the positives

It's OK to express a hope that they can return your affections but that is not the same as saying "I hope you are gay."... Honestly that sentence will drive many closeted guys further into the closet than saying "I hope you can return my affection." - Why? Because 'gay' is a loaded word.

[kennyw429]

I talked to Gary on whatsapp yesterday, for the first time after so many months. Of course I was using another number different from the one I used to text him, and this time I let him know who I was. Our conversations were casual but didn't last too long. Just normal "hey how have you been?" that kind of messages. I guess I was wrong, as there seemed to have no "heat", and he wasn't that surprised or flattered to get my messages and chatted longer. I should stop thinking too much and move on

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I talked to Gary on whatsapp yesterday, for the first time after so many months. Of course I was using another number different from the one I used to text him, and this time I let him know who I was. Our conversations were casual but didn't last too long. Just normal "hey how have you been?" that kind of messages. I guess I was wrong, as there seemed to have no "heat", and he wasn't that surprised or flattered to get my messages and chatted longer. I should stop thinking too much and move on

Ok the idea you are talking to him on another number is sliding into creepyville - he did know who he was talking too - right? If not, its now getting scary.

Yeah, clearly he isn't in love with you, not interested whatever time to let go, move on and find a guy who can reciprocate.

[kennyw429]

yes thanks for the advice

[Woollyhats]

It is kind of creepy, actually, not going to lie. It also sounds very desperate . But I would have taken it as a compliment and been flattered after the initial creepiness, and responded nicely (albeit asking to just be friends, at least for awhile.).

Something you need to realise: Some guys ACT gay in their body language but aren't, or at LEAST are not looking for a gay relationship. One of my friends is like this; I know he isn't gay, but he is extremely touchy feely all the time. I know he doesn't have an issue with gay people (he knows I am gay even though I never actually told him) but I have to keep him permanently friendzoned.

You will probably meet people like this --- try to be careful to not get your hopes up so high.

ALSO --- you sound like a really nice person, I think you came off as creepy mostly because you aren't used to this kind of thing (and I'm not either, so no judging ), but definitely keep your hopes up for the time when it's going to go well.

--

[kennyw429]

Thanks for your sharing and nice words Yes... I'm a newbie in all these things, and so am still learning... I've never dated anyone (not even any girl, although I once thought I was bi), so... ya, I have to admit I'm desperate.... for love.