Constant arguments ,unresolved conflict,frustration and soon if you continue to live this way, resentment will raise it's ugly head.
How is any of this fair to either of you?
It seems to me that you are putting off the inevitable.
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All good advice given.
If he is being obstinate, then just leave the subject alone. If there are things to do around the house, ask him if he wouldnt mind doing them. Dont ask like you are doing it to keep him busy, but ask in a manner that says "hey, in case you get bored, would you mind......".
If he isnt open to talking about temp agencies or you helping him out.....here are some ideas--
*Call up, or stop by their office (temp agencies), and ask them if they can mail out a flyer to a friend. Give them his name and address. Ask them not to say anything about you being there.
*Get some flyers or ads that may have job fairs listed in them, put them in your mailbox when he isnt looking.... So at least he would be able to go to a job fair and see who is hiring in your area.
*If you do hear of any places hiring, you can say something like "hey, I overheard some people in the breakroom today and they mention this place might be hiring....". And just leave it at that. If he balks at that, just say something like "I just thought Id mention it, thats all".
If you do mention job searches to him, see if he is registered with the local Workforce Center (some people call it the Unemployment Office). You can register online, its easy and there are jobs listed. He can also put his resume on there for employers to see (unless they have changed that).
Does he get out much? Like go walking around town or something? If he goes to the mall or library, or places like those, you never know what you might hear or find.
Do you have a mall near you? He might be able to find a part time job at a gas station, grocery store, or mall....until he can find a job he wants. At least its something to do. He might even think about getting a job where both of you can benefit from it, such as a movie theater......free movies. Or an amusement park...free entry.
Just some suggestions....
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dvnt, you're in a tough situation and I feel for you. You cannot continue as things are, that's not fair to you.
Share your feelings with your partner. If he is not willing to explore those feelings and share his own, I think you are better off leaving this relationship. I know that's not easy.
His employment and your living situation are secondary to your satisfaction and fulfillment together as a couple. You owe it to yourself (and to him) to get clear on this. It's possible to love someone, and realize that you are not compatible on some level. It's not easy, but it's possible.
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I think a good talk with him is needed in a situation like this. If he explains that he's going through a depression it would make everything clear. But it's just not okay for him to not tell you what's wrong. I know I'd leave him if he started acting weird and cold. Things don't work that way.
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Give him a simple task he can do for you.
Just give him the task, no comments except big thank yous if he does it
Both at home go into his space and tell him you love him, keep it simple and one sided
Good luck, practice now because relationships are a lot of work. Funny to see all the info from the single members.
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thank all of you for the advice it has been soooo helpfol in trying to figure all of this out. i've been talking to him to try and get him to open up a little more. he's showing a little bit of improvement but still wont let me initiate anything more than small conversations. i want to be with him but i feel like i might just be delaying a worse future breakup. All i really know is that i don't want to stay if this is how the rest of our lives together is going to be.
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I think that you need to seriously have a talk with him. You said you could be happy with him so that tells me you do care for him. I think you need to let him know you aren't happy with how things are and let him know you truly do want to work it out and not just give up. If he is mature he will hopefully realize your concerns are in fact legitimate ones. (Most of this was probably already said)
You said something about things being too much for him somethings and him being guarded. It sounds like maybe he has been through something in his past that he doesn't want to talk about. Things being too much is a sign of a lack of ability to cope and his alone time may just be his way of processing his day or thoughts or whatever may be on his mind. That's the way it was for me. Still is but not as bad. I say this because if it is the case (I know it may not be) he can get better it just might take time and what he needs is someone that's going to be there. Not judging you if you aren't cause it can be a lot to deal with. He may have never let anyone in before and the first time might be really scary for him.
All that being said, you deserve to be happy also and to live your life how you want to. Again, it could be something else and I don't know it all. Hope things work out for you though.
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