Toothpicks.

[Miles]

I don't do drugs.

"If you do drugs it will make you less interesting."

-guy who's done plenty of drugs and likes drugs and still plans to do more drugs

toothpick

[Lilitu]

I'll toothpick you. And not your teeth, it'll be like your bum or something else nasty.

[Beau]

Anyone know a way to remove a bit of food that's stuck between my teeth?

[Hayden]

I was walking down the street once when I saw a toothpick lying on the ground. Curious, I picked it up and lo and behold it turned out that it wasn't a toothpick at all but an artifact of great power. I was instantly transported to Hithaluipotamia, land of the seven headed salamander people, rulers of the deep and lords of the sandwich . There I learned that what I thought was an ordinary toothpick was in fact the walking stick of the great Jliuziquio, the legendary hero and prophet of the salamander people. With the aide of his magical walking stick, Jliuziquio taught the once barbaric salamander people how to walk on two legs like the Gods in their stories.

I was set upon a quest to return Jluiziquio's walking stick to his burial site, in the distant lands of Calculatirosh, so that the curse of the salamander people may be lifted and they can roam the earth once again as they had in olden times, to live peacefully amongst the humans and craft delicious Rueben's and BLTs.

After a perilous journey of like, two and half hours, I finally came upon the resting site of the great Jluiziquio. His grave, merely rubble now, lay before me as a monument not of the triumph and glory of the salamander sandwich people, but as testament to their suffering. Suddenly, Jluiziquio appeared before me in spectral form. I was all like, "Holy shit." But then he was all like "Chill, brah. You got my stick?" Then I was all like, "Uh yeah." Then he was all like, "Cool, cool.... gimme." Then I gave it to him.

When I returned to Hithaluipotamia I was revered as a God and was given a 2 for 1 coupon to Sammy the Seven Headed Salamander's Succulent Sandwich Shop . I still return to Hithaluipotamia sometimes, not physically of course, for the golden cord that connected me to the salamander people's homeland has been severed forever now that my quest is complete, but I return in my mind. In quiet moments I sometimes reflect on all I had been through. I sometimes wonder if ever really happened. But I know in my heart that Hithaluipotamia will always be a part of me, wherever my life should take me next.


Anyway.... that's my most interesting story involving a toothpick. Not that interesting really, sorry.








(Christ, it's fucking late)