Recently 'turned Bi' Boyfriend

[Counselor]

I am gay. I'm out to my family and to very close friends.

My current boyfriend was a friend for about 4 years. He has known for a few years that I'm gay. For the first 3.5 he was not in any kind of relationship, but identified as straight. Then about 6 months ago he started hanging out with a much older guy who he was also buying car from over time. I kind of had a feeling that there was more going on. He eventually admitted that he was getting oral from this guy while watching straight porn. That is was a FWB situation and that he was receiving only and that only oral was involved. 6 months down the road he tells me that it has progressed to him 'allowing' the other guy to feel up his chest with his hands and mouth. Still no reciprocation.

We've been joking back and forth for over a year that one day I'm like to perform oral on him, but that sadly it would never happen because it's not going to be one sided. I'm not a cumdumpster and I want reciprocation. It seemed to drift to that topic more often since I found out the above.

Two weeks ago he's at my place having a few drinks. Well, a few for me, but quite a few for him. I think he was trying to get some liquid courage going. He admits that he's been crushing on me for a long time and that he wants a relationship. Not a 'friends with benefits' relationship, but a full-blown monogamous boyfriend/boyfriend relationship and that he is bi. Mind you, this is taking a couple of hours to come out and the bi revelation doesn't happen till I'm taking him home and we're 2 minutes from his house. BTW, he still lives with his parents. My head is spinning by the time I get home.

It has been 2 weeks and we have yet to have sex. I am fully experienced and want to show him the most erotic, passionate, sweaty night of gay sex two people can have to whatever his comfortable level is. Herein lies the problem. I'm all the way on the gay end of the spectrum and he's coming all the way from the straight side of the spectrum. He considers himself Bi because he doesn't mind being touched. In my mind I'm still classifying him as, basically, straightish. We have cuddled, I have given him a backrub, I have kissed him on the neck (not too long) but he is not 'ready' for sex. Although he has said he thinks a penis is less 'unattractive' than a vagina, he doesn't have any thoughts or fantasies about doing anything with a penis.

I think it's all about connecting mentally with another guy that he finds attractive. I asked him what he finds attractive about women and he said things like "thighs, lips, maybe breasts" and when I asked about guys he said "personality" and then had to think for a couple of minutes before he said "their face, overall, I guess although I don't walk around the mall scoping out guys". Kind of makes me feel like he's defaulting to guys because he can't figure out women? When we cuddle except for putting his arm around me when I put my head on his chest he hasn't reached out to me at all.

He is a great guy with a great personality. I would really like to make this work. Just not sure if it ever will in the bedroom. We have talked about this at length and I'm giving him time and going slow with things so he can adjust. I'm assuring him that I would never aggressively force him into anything he's not comfortable with. I just think if he could let go and 'experience the experience' we'd both be in much better place in this relationship. We both want this to work and we both understand that we're 'seeing where this goes'.

Sorry about the length. I just had to get this off my chest somewhere. Any advice at all?

Advice about what, exactly? You seem aware and conscientious of your pace, and you aren't making demands of him. If you aren't happy with the intimate pace, perhaps you should focus on how you feel just being with him for the time being.